Imprint: Falling for Seth
by Emerald Star73
Summary: While visiting Jacob & Renesmee, Seth imprints on a non-Quileute human girl and enrolls at Dartmouth in order to be around her and get to know her. How long will it take her to fall in love with him? How will she react to learning he can morph into a wolf? Spinoff of High Noon. Imprintee POV. Set in 2017 (10 years after BD). Edward/Bella/Jacob/Renesmee are supporting characters.
1. Prologue

**A/N: This story is an offshoot of my first story, High Noon. You do not need to read High Noon first in order for this story to make sense, but please be aware that this story contains some spoilers for the ending of High Noon. High Noon is my full-length sequel to Breaking Dawn and is set in late 2016, about 10 years after the time Breaking Dawn ended. This story starts in January 2017, the day after High Noon ended.**

 **I want to offer a huge thanks to my wonderful beta, Kelsismom! Her advice and feedback have helped to make this story much better than what I could have accomplished on my own.**

* * *

 **Prologue**

Seth was stunned as he looked up into those soft, hazel eyes that still glistened with tears. Suddenly, everything made sense. This was why he was staying here with Jake, why his leg had been injured, why he had ever met the Cullens in the first place. _This was the reason he existed_!

He wanted to pull her close, to kiss away her pain, to tell her he would protect her always.

No.

Not yet.

She wouldn't understand. They had only just met. He couldn't jeopardize their future by confessing so soon the completeness of his devotion to her, or the depth of his love. She would think he was insane…or just plain weird.

When she spoke, he regained his wits enough to form a coherent reply and then promptly excused himself from the room, urging Jake along with him. Jake would know what to do…he hoped.

His sense of loss and separation was almost tangible as he made his way up the stairs and away from the most beautiful creature he had ever seen – that delicate, heart-shaped face with hair a rich toffee brown and eyes filled with sorrow. It was with great effort that he resisted the urge to turn back and take her in his arms.

An hour later, his confusion had begun to abate; he now had a plan. Edward had managed to get him officially enrolled at Dartmouth and had been able to set up a course schedule which would allow him to see her at least once a day. If he could get her to agree to share books, he might have an excuse to see her on weekends as well. As long as he could be near her, life would be bearable. The gentle flow of her voice in the room below carried easily to his sensitive ears, and he listened attentively for clues as to how he could ease her pain and bring her the happiness she deserved.

~o~o~o~

Chloe had no idea as she drove along the dark, wet highway how significant and life-changing this day would turn out to be. Even as she finally went to sleep that night, she wouldn't suspect that there had been anything unusual about the fateful meeting at the Cullens' house.

Her first few months at Dartmouth had consisted of making new friends, meeting people, and generally having the time of her life. What had been missing? A boyfriend. The search for the perfect guy had dominated her thoughts. The boys she'd been attracted to had either been involved already or had not returned her interest, and her roommate's attempts to set her up had failed as well. Was there any such thing as the perfect guy?

There was no thinking of that right now. No, her grief was too fresh, her emotions too raw. Chloe wasn't sure what she was even doing here. Was returning to school so soon the right decision? All she knew was that right now, she felt an inexplicably strong desire to talk to her closest friend, Nessie Black. The very idea of seeing her again brought some small comfort. Nessie would understand her pain.

* * *

 **A/N: So...for those of you who have read High Noon, what did you think about the imprint being Chloe? I originally created her purely as an annoyance to Edward, but my beta for High Noon, javamomma0921, challenged me to help Chloe mature and to develop her character into someone who could be worthy of Seth. I was originally planning to give her a few paragraphs at the end of High Noon, or a short entry in the epilogue, but when I tried to get inside her head to imagine how she would react to Seth, I found she had a lot to say. Edward had a rather limited view of her during lab, and I've found that there was much more to her than the girl who was daydreaming about her hot TA**. **I hope you will keep reading and give her a chance. ;)  
**


	2. A Shoulder to Cry On

**Chapter 1: A Shoulder to Cry On**

~~ Monday, January 2, 2017 ~~

Maybe I shouldn't disturb them. That Mercedes in the driveway probably means that Mr. Cullen's older brother is visiting again. They already have company, and Nessie is probably busy. I let my hand drop without pressing the doorbell.

But I don't want to go back to my empty dorm room. I'll just end up crying again, and I don't feel like being alone right now. I wish Brianna had come back this quarter. At least they haven't assigned me a new roommate yet; dealing with a new roommate would be worse than being alone. Maybe I should have gone to the party with Taylor. No, I'm definitely not in the mood for that. I really need to talk to Nessie. Somehow she always helps me feel better.

I finally press the doorbell and wait. Maybe I shouldn't have come. Maybe they're not home – it's so quiet except for what sounds like noise from a TV. I don't hear any footsteps or movement inside.

Oh, someone's coming. I hope it's Nessie.

No such luck. Mr. Cullen's face greets me as the door opens. He probably hates me. How does anyone look that perfect _all the time_?

"Hello, Chloe," he says pleasantly. "Come on in. May I take your coat?"

It's a relief that he doesn't seem too annoyed at seeing that it's me, but he's always so formal. He and Nessie are so different. I slip off my jacket and hand it to him, barely remembering to stamp the slush off of my boots before I step into their immaculate home.

"Chloe!" Nessie says, hurrying over to me. "I was so worried you weren't coming back! You weren't in class today, and I couldn't find you anywhere!"

"I hadn't decided until this morning if I was coming back," I confess. "That's why I missed all my classes today – I slept late, and then I was packing and driving most of the day. I just dropped my bags off at the dorm a couple of hours ago."

"How are things with your mom?" she asks, her voice hopeful.

This is the question I've been dreading. I just shake my head, unable to find the words, and I can feel the tears start to drip down my face.

"No! Is she – Has she already…?" she trails off, not wanting to say the word.

I just nod. I don't want to say the word either.

"I'm so sorry!" she exclaims, and I can see tears forming in her eyes as she pulls me into a hug.

I've heard those words, "I'm sorry," so many times over the last week. The words often sound so empty; after all, what is everyone so apologetic about? It's not like it's their fault that my mom had cancer. It's just something people say because it's the expected response. But somehow the same words mean something when Nessie says them. She really cares, and that makes such a huge difference. I find myself giving in to the tears as I lean on her shoulder.

When I am finally able to pull myself together enough to look up, I see that Bella is now standing there with her husband.

"We're terribly sorry for your loss," Mr. Cullen says.

Yes, everyone's sorry, even people who don't really like me. But at least that standard response is a lot better than some of the other thoughtless comments and unwanted advice I've been getting. At least he's always polite.

"Please let us know if there's anything we can do to help," Bella says.

I'm surprised at the sincerity I hear in her voice. I've heard that one a lot too, but nobody actually expects to be asked for help. It's just something people say. After all, it's not like anyone has the power to make things all better again.

"You can borrow our car any time," Bella is saying. "And if you need any help getting the estate settled, we have some good legal contacts."

"Thanks," I mumble. I won't be needing to borrow their vehicle anymore since I have my mom's car now, and I won't likely ask for legal help either, but both are nice gestures. I just really wish Mr. Cullen and his wife didn't have to see me like this. I look awful, and I'm an emotional mess right now.

"If you'll excuse us, Bella and I were just headed upstairs – it's been a long day," Mr. Cullen says with a yawn. "But you can stay as long as you like. Nessie, Jake, and his friend Seth just started another movie."

"Thanks," I say again, yawning as well.

Then Bella yawns too - it's funny how yawns are contagious. "Good night," she says as they both turn to head up the steps.

I follow Nessie into the family room – the source of the television noise I had noticed from outside – and she explains that Seth is Jake's friend from back home.

As I step into the room, I see that Seth actually looks a lot like Jake. They could be related, or at least members of the same tribe. Anyway, Seth is just as gorgeous as Jake – maybe more so, with his longer, more casual hairstyle, his broad smile, and his bright, friendly-looking eyes. Under normal circumstances I'd probably be going out of my way trying to attract his attention. But as it is, I'd really prefer that he wasn't here so I could talk to Ness without a stranger listening to our conversation.

"Seth, this is Chloe," Nessie says. "She's one of my best friends from school."

Seth looks up at me from the show that had elicited that smile and just stares, his eyes widening as if surprised or shocked by what he sees.

I look down and make sure I didn't forget to wear pants, or something similarly embarrassing, and conclude that he must be wondering about my face, which I'm sure is red, puffy, and blotchy from all the crying I've done today. I must look hideous.

"My mom just died," I blurt out as way of explanation.

"I'm sorry," he says, a pained look coming into his eyes. "I know it's hard losing a parent. My dad died when I was fourteen."

I nod and bite my lip, trying not to start crying again.

"I'm pretty tired," he says. "I think I'm going to turn in. You obviously came to see Nessie. I don't want to intrude on your girl talk." He offers a polite smile and then seems to be looking around for something.

"You don't have to leave," I tell him. After all, he's a guest here too, and he was here before I was. But the truth is that I would much rather talk to Nessie alone, and I don't think I've managed to sound very convincing.

He's already gotten up and is making use of a pair of crutches which he just picked up from the floor. He hits Jake in the leg with one of them as he passes by him, and Jake rolls his eyes but gets up and follows him out of the room.

"Wait a minute, you didn't just -?" I hear Jake ask as they exit the room.

"Yes, I did. Now shut up," Seth hisses.

I wonder what that was about and then decide I probably don't want to know.

"Was that Seth's Mercedes in the driveway?" I ask. "I thought Carlisle was here at first."

"Oh. It's Carlisle's car, but we borrowed it to drive Seth home from the airport when we got back from our vacation, since we wouldn't all fit in our car."

"Where'd you all go?" I ask.

"We went skiing in the Swiss Alps," she says. "It was a great trip, but Seth broke his leg right before we came back. But I can tell you about my vacation later. Do you feel like talking about your trip home?"

I nod, unsurprised at her extravagant vacation, and pause for a moment as I try to figure out where to begin. "Well, Mom hadn't told me when I was home for Thanksgiving that it had already spread to her liver. I think she was afraid that I wouldn't go back to Dartmouth to finish out the quarter, and since she had already paid for it, she was determined that her money wouldn't be wasted." That was Mom, always worried about money.

"So she was pretty sick by the time you got home?" Nessie asks.

"She had a few days that were pretty good. I'm really glad that I got to be there for her and help take care of her some there at the end. She died the day before Christmas, around nine o'clock in the morning. The hospice nurse was there when it happened – I was glad because I wouldn't have known what to do. She made all the phone calls for me. Mom had already made her own arrangements with the funeral home, so at least I didn't have to worry about whether the service was the way she would have wanted it. People kept coming by to visit. Ladies from her church brought food over, and there were some distant relatives and a few other people."

"So these people all came over to your house?"

"Yeah. Most of them just stayed for a few minutes, but I was really surprised at how many people stopped by. There were several people who hadn't even heard she had cancer, so they were sort of shocked when they heard that she was gone. I think some of them came by just to find out if it was true. Then there was the funeral. I thought that would be the hardest part, but it wasn't really any worse than the rest. I mean how could things get any worse? I just felt sort of numb, and then it was over."

"Was your dad there for the funeral?" she asks. "Did he know about it?"

"He knew. There's no way he didn't know. But no, he didn't show up." I had been looking around for him hopefully, but if he'd actually come I probably would have been angry with him for having the nerve to show up. I'm still not sure whether his presence or absence would have upset me more.

"What about your cousin who you gave you a ride home last quarter?"

"Yeah, he was there for the service." Thankfully, he sat with his mom and didn't speak to me except to offer his condolences like everyone else. Even if he is one of my closest living relatives, his ceaseless, inane chatter would have been the last thing I needed.

"You and he aren't very close, are you?" she asks. Apparently, my tone of voice had made this clear.

"No, not really. He's nice enough – just not much of a listener. To be honest, he kind of gets on my nerves."

"So you were basically dealing with all of this by yourself?" she asks.

"Pretty much. Yeah."

"Why didn't you call me?" she asks, puzzled.

"I didn't want to bother you," I tell her. It honestly hadn't even occurred to me to ask for help from any of my college friends. "It's a three-hour drive! I don't think there's really anything you could have done, and you were probably in Switzerland then, anyway."

"Yeah, I probably was," she admits, "but I still wish you had called. You know I would have been there if there was any way possible."

"Thanks." I feel tears welling up in my eyes again as I realize that she really would have driven all that way for the funeral of someone she's never even met.

"Let me find you some tissues," she says, giving me a quick hug.

She leaves the room for a moment, and I'm left alone in their family room. It's so quiet here. Everyone upstairs must have gone to sleep already.

She soon returns with two boxes of tissues. Yeah, I'll probably need that many.

"So what have you been doing for the last few days?" she asks. "Did you still have people visiting at your house?"

"No, nobody came by after the funeral was over. I was just at home by myself."

Nessie looks puzzled. "Why didn't you just come back sooner?"

"Back to campus?"

"Yeah."

"There wouldn't have been anybody there, either, and I had a lot of things I needed to take care of at home."

"Like what?" she asks with genuine interest.

"Well, I had to figure out what to do with all the flowers – there were too many to leave them all at the gravesite. And I wrote thank-you cards for all the flowers and food and such. Then there was legal stuff to take care of. She didn't have a will, so I had to go to the courthouse to be appointed the administrator of the estate. I stopped by the bank to try to get things changed to my name, and now her accounts are frozen because I didn't have all the paperwork, so I've still got to figure that out. And then I started sorting through Mom's things and trying to figure out what I should do with the house. I'm thinking I might try to sell it."

"I'd never even thought about how much there was to do after someone dies," Nessie says. "I'm so sorry you had to do all that on your own. I really wish I could have been there for you. I'm not sure I would have been much help, but at least you wouldn't have been as alone."

"I guess you were too young to be involved with much of that when your mom died. You said you were twelve, right?" I ask.

"No, I was fourteen," she says. "Twelve was when my parents divorced."

"Oh. But you said she died of cancer, right? Did it progress really quickly with her too, like it did for my mom? I wanted to ask you that before, but I guess I was afraid of the answer."

I notice that she is starting to look rather uncomfortable, and I begin to wonder if I said something wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have reminded her about her mother's death.

"Chloe –," she says, and then she stops. She looks really frustrated.

"I'm sorry," I say, mentally berating myself for bringing it up. "I shouldn't have asked that. You don't have to talk about it. I really appreciate you listening to me, though. You're the only person I know who's been through sort of the same thing."

"No, I'm the one who's sorry," she says with a sigh. "I really feel terrible. I lied before. My mom didn't really die of cancer."

"What?" I ask, completely confused. Why would she have made up a story about her mother having cancer?

"She, um, died of a drug overdose while she was in prison for committing fraud. I guess I thought it would sound better if it I said she died of more natural causes, and I didn't want people asking too many questions. Dad filed for divorce right before the trial, and of course he ended up having custody of me. So she wasn't even living with us when she died. And we were never really that close. She always had her own problems she was dealing with."

"Oh," I say, surprised to realize that her life had not been as picture-perfect as I had imagined. "Were you afraid people would think less of you if they knew the truth?"

She shrugs. "I guess I thought it would be easier to fit in here if I lied. But the truth is that I don't have any experience with cancer at all. And I've never dealt with the kind of loss that you're dealing with right now. When my mom died, I still had my dad, and she hadn't really been part of my life for a while."

"So you were closer with your dad?"

"Yeah, compared to my mom. We weren't super close either, but at least he was more supportive of my interest in finding my biological family. I know most adopted children consider their 'real' parents to be the ones who raised them, but for me, there was always something missing. I guess my family was just too dysfunctional. I had been told when I was about eight that I had an older biological brother, and from then on, it was always my dream to search for him and find him. I started thinking of Edward as my 'real' family even before I actually met him."

"Is your adopted dad still living?" I ask.

"Yes, but I haven't seen him very often since I got married. We live pretty far apart now. And in some ways, Edward's become more of a father figure for me than my real dad ever was."

I can see Mr. Cullen trying to fill that role – I've noticed that he is sometimes kind of bossy even with his own sister, and he certainly seems to like being in control. But I know he and Nessie really care about each other, and I'm truly happy for her that she has such a good relationship with her brother now.

"So can you forgive me?" she asks, looking ashamed.

"Huh?"

"Can you forgive me for lying? I had no idea that I'd end up having a friend whose mother _did_ have cancer. I just feel terrible. I never meant to hurt you."

"Oh," I say. "No, I can understand why you made up that story. You don't even need to apologize."

"I hope you'll still feel comfortable talking to me," she says worriedly. "I might not have the kind of understanding that comes from experience, like you thought I did. But I do care, and I want to be here for you if you'll let me."

I can feel the tears building up again. My other closest friends, Taylor and Michaela, are great to hang out with, but they've always seemed uncomfortable whenever the topic of my mom's illness would come up, so I've never discussed it with them much. Nessie is the only friend I have who seems to really, truly care about what I'm going through - the only one who is interested in really listening. She has no idea how much I need her right now.

"Definitely," I tell her, forcing a small smile and trying to will the tears away. "You're really the _only_ person I feel comfortable talking to about this. I saw Taylor earlier, and she invited me to a party, but she didn't even think to ask me about my mom. And I didn't bring it up because it would have just made her feel awkward, and I knew she wasn't really going to be listening when she was so keyed up about going to the party. So I just told her I was too busy unpacking."

"I'm sure Taylor cares too," Nessie says. "But you're right. When she's focused on one thing, there's not much point in talking to her about anything else. I'm glad you came here. I've been worried about you. Why haven't you been answering your phone?"

"Huh?" I ask, confused, as I begin rummaging through my purse for my phone.

"I tried calling you last night, and also several times earlier today," she says.

"Dead battery," I say, holding up the phone for her to see. Well, at least that explains why no one's called me the last couple of days. I've been so distracted I hadn't even noticed.

"Want me to charge it for you?" she asks.

"Nah, I'll do it when I get back to the dorm. Otherwise I'll probably forget and leave it here."

"Okay," she says uncertainly.

"Do you have any ice cream?" I ask, suddenly realizing that we both need something to cheer us up a little.

"Ice cream?" she asks, giving me a funny look.

"Yeah, when I'm feeling down or stressed out, I like to eat ice cream," I say. Doesn't everyone? Then it occurs to me that it might have been rude of me to ask for food, but I don't think she minds. I decide that she's probably just confused by the sudden change of topic.

"Oh. That does sound good. I'll go check," she says.

She goes into the kitchen, and I hear the freezer door open.

"What kind do you want?" she calls to me. "We have chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, rocky road, caramel twist, peanut butter crunch, praline pecan, and triple chocolate fudge brownie. I think there may be more in the back, if you don't like any of those."

"Are you serious?" I ask, walking into the kitchen. I can't even remember everything she just named. I go over and look in freezer, and it appears to be full of nothing but ice cream. "Whoa. Who's the ice cream freak in this house?"

"Alice," she says wryly.

"Who's Alice? Isn't that one of your brother's adoptive sisters?"

"Yes. She _really_ loves ice cream. It looks like she bought a bunch when she was here this morning."

"Well, that's a little weird; it doesn't look like she even opened any of them," I say, laughing, as I review all the flavors available. "That triple chocolate fudge brownie looks really good."

"Triple chocolate fudge brownie it is!" she says, pulling that one out, revealing a mint chocolate chip behind it. "I think I'll just have vanilla."

She hands me the whole container, and I grab two spoons from the utensil drawer.

We sit down at the table to eat and talk some more. The chocolate does, indeed, make me feel a little better, or at least less like I'm in danger of bursting into tears. As I talk things over with Nessie, I begin to feel more ready to face going to my classes tomorrow and trying to resume my life at school. I'm not sure what it is about Nessie, but sometimes it seems like just being in the same room with her is enough to cause whoever is with her to soak up some of her cheerfulness and enthusiasm. It's no wonder she has so many friends, and I feel very lucky to count myself as one of them.

Before I know it, two hours have passed. Nessie is beginning to look really tired, and I decide it's time for me to go back to my dorm. After all, I really do still need to unpack, and I have class early in the morning.

* * *

 **A/N: After seeing one of movies again while writing this story, it occurred to me that I should probably point out that Seth in this story looks the age of a college student. The Official Illustrated Guide says, "Once a werewolf transforms, his aging speeds up until he reaches the age of maturity, roughly twenty-five." I know Seth was only 14 when he started phasing, and he looks very young in the movies, but this story is about 10 years after Breaking Dawn ended, so Seth looks a little older now. He was always described in the books as looking very young, so I think he would still look young for his age and would easily pass for a college student (age 19, 20, 21) even if he has matured to age 25.**

 **I hope to reply to all reviews as I have done with High Noon, but with my current work schedule and family obligations I'm not sure if I can do that *and* keep up a weekly posting schedule. So I will give priority to posting regularly, and I will definitely try to reply to all reviews that contain questions or constructive criticism. I can't guarantee it be the same week or even the same month, but I will try to respond to all of those that "need" an answer, and probably most others as well.**

 **The next chapter will be Chloe and Seth's first day of classes. How will she react to his suggestion to share books?  
**


	3. Back to School

**Chapter 2: Back to School**

~~ Tuesday, January 3, 2017 ~~

As I sit waiting for class to begin, I stare intently at my phone, pretending to read messages while watching out of the corner of my eye for Nessie and Jake to arrive. I've chosen a seat on the opposite side of the room from the door in hopes of avoiding conversation with others arriving to class. Several of my friends will be in this class, but I'm not really in the mood to be sociable at this particular moment; any little thing might set me off crying again. Jake and Ness eventually come in, but they're too late to sit near me. I glance up and they both give me a small wave as they sit down near the back, the only place left with two adjacent seats available.

I sit through the class, no longer feeling quite as interested in economics as I was last quarter. We have the same professor for macro as we did for micro – a stout, dark-haired man with an interesting accent who tells lots of jokes, frequently mentions his eleven children and the fact that he is a black belt, and seems a lot more excited about economics than anyone should ever be. Last quarter, I found him entertaining. Today, I have difficulty keeping my attention on what he's saying.

As I look over the syllabus, my mind wanders to some economics of a more practical sort that are a bit more pertinent to my real life right now: I don't have enough cash to buy all the books I'm going to need for this quarter. My credit card is already maxed out, so that's not an option, and even though I'll be getting everything from my mother's estate – which is not exactly a fortune but should be enough to get me through college if I manage it well - it doesn't help me much when her accounts are still frozen.

Class is finally dismissed, and I walk out into the hallway and pause to wait for Nessie and Jake, still wondering what I'm going to do about books. Maybe I'll get lucky and some of my classes might have e-textbooks this quarter. I've heard plans for them to be phased in this year, so that's a possibility. Maybe those would be less expensive.

"We'll see you at lunch," Nessie says quickly as she and Jake pass by me. They seem to be heading toward the parking lot - probably going back to their car to make out. Those two can't seem to get enough of each other, although I've noticed that they are always incredibly restrained whenever they're around her brother. He must frown on public displays of affection. Oh well, I don't blame them for wanting a little private time. And I need time to get my books anyway. I start off in the direction of the bookstore.

"Hey!" a male voice says, coming up behind me. I feel a brief, light touch on my arm.

I stop and turn and look up to see a drop-dead-gorgeous guy grinning down at me. It takes me a second to even recognize who he is since I hadn't been expecting to see him here. I'd thought he was just visiting Jake.

"Hi, Seth," I say, glad that I am somehow able to recall his name. "I didn't know you were going to school here."

"Yeah. I transferred in this quarter. I'm just staying at Jake's house until I find a place of my own."

"I thought it was the Cullens' house," I say as we start walking again. Although I'm flattered that he's talking to me, I hope he won't slow me down too much – I want to get finished at the bookstore in time to meet Nessie, Jake, Taylor, and the others for lunch at our usual spot. And I'm not really feeling like my normal, outgoing self at the moment.

"Well, technically, yeah," he says, maintaining a brisk pace with apparent ease despite his crutches. "But Jake lives there too. And Bella's sort of my step-sister, so they can't really refuse to take me in." He grins again, and I can't help but feel comfortable with him.

"What? Bella's your step-sister?" I ask as we go past the turn he would need to make if he was going to the cafeteria. I wonder if he's headed to the bookstore too.

"After my dad died, my mom married Bella's dad," he explains. "It was after Edward and Bella were already married, so we never grew up together or anything like that, but technically we're step-siblings."

"Oh," I say.

"Are you going to the bookstore?" he asks.

"Yeah. I haven't bought any of my books yet."

"Me either. Would you want to share one for macro? I did that with a friend at my old school. It really helps cut down on costs."

"You're in my macro class? I didn't see you."

"Yeah, I was sitting in the back."

"Wouldn't it be difficult for us to share a book?" I ask. "I live on campus, and you live with Jake."

"But he said you visit Nessie a lot," he says. "And if you ever need it when I have it, all you have to do is give me a call or send me a text, and I'll drop it off for you."

"Okay," I say, deciding that this might actually work. And it will certainly help with my current financial problem.

"Great!" he says enthusiastically. He must be tight on money too. I notice that his clothes are nice, but not the expensive designer kind that Nessie and her family usually wear. His style seems to be just a small step up from Jake's.

"Are you a business major?" I ask. After all, economics is not a typical freshman elective.

"Yeah. You are too, right? Maybe we have some more classes together," he says. "What else are you taking?"

I pull up the email with my schedule and hand him my phone so he can see the list.

"We have Intro. to Management together too," he says, looking pleased. "Want to share that book too?"

"Sure," I agree. If we're going to share one book, we might as well share two, but I hope this doesn't end up being a problem. I know it's going to be hard for me to focus on studying this quarter, and if I don't have some of my books, it will be even easier to find excuses not to try. It would make more sense for me to share with Taylor or Michaela since they live in my dorm, but they didn't ask, and Seth did.

He puts his contact information in my phone and hands me his so I can do the same.

We arrive at the bookstore and find the books that we need. I am in luck; one of my classes is offering the e-textbook option, and another has used books available. I'll have a hundred and fifty dollars left over for laundry and gasoline. Maybe that will last me until I can get things straightened out at the bank.

We go up to the counter to pay for the books, and Seth hands me the macroeconomics book and keeps the management book in his own stack.

He pays for his books and then waits while I pay for mine. As we leave the store, he's still walking beside me. I start to wonder if this incredibly nice-looking guy might possibly be interested in me; that would also explain his excitement about sharing books. Then I mentally kick myself for not realizing that _of course_ he'd be eating with our group. Jake and Nessie are probably the only people he knows in this school.

We get to the cafeteria and go through the food line together. I notice that he has his plate piled just as high as Jake usually does.

"Hungry?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'm known for my big appetite," he says. "I'm always hungry."

"We usually sit in the back," I tell him, glancing back to make sure he's still following me. Neither his crutches nor the huge tray of food he's balancing seems to be slowing him down any as we navigate our way through the crowded room.

The table is already nearly full when we get there, and I grab a chair from another table and squeeze in between Taylor and Dylan so that Seth can have the empty seat next to Jake.

"Hey, I heard about your mom. I'm really sorry," Taylor says as I sit down. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say. Just hunky-dory. Besides, she obviously feels awkward talking about this, and I don't really want to discuss it at the lunch table and end up crying in front of everybody. "How was the party last night?"

I can tell she's relieved that I've changed the subject to something she's more comfortable with, and she chatters on about some cute guy she talked to at the party last night. A few weeks ago, I probably would have found this to be an interesting topic of conversation, but now it just seems so trivial. How many cute guys has Taylor gushed to me about now? Fifty-seven? A hundred and thirty-three? Does it really matter that this guy talked to her? Given her track record with guys, which is much like my own, it is most likely that she'll never see him again.

"Chloe! Are you listening to me?" she asks, her voice growing more and more high-pitched. "That's him! He's coming over here!"

I look up, and a guy I don't remember meeting before does, in fact, appear to be headed right for our table.

"You know, I have some things I need to do in my room," I tell her. "I think I'll finish eating up there, and he can have my seat."

"Really? Thanks, Chloe! You're the best!"

I pick up my tray and wave "bye" to Renesmee, the only one who seems to notice I'm leaving. Everyone else is engaged in their own conversations and are oblivious that my seat is about to be occupied by Mr. Cute Guy.

"Want me to go with you?" Nessie asks.

"No, thanks. I'm fine," I tell her. I really just feel like being alone for a while.

"Chloe! You're not throwing that out, are you?" Seth asks as I turn to leave.

I turn back and look at him and his empty tray. "You're not telling me you're still hungry," I say in disbelief.

"Well, we wouldn't want good food to go to waste," he says with a sheepish grin.

"I was just going to take the apple," I say. I have some other things I can snack on in my room anyway. "You can have the rest if you want it."

"Thanks!" he says. "You can leave the tray here. I'll take it back for you."

I drop the apple into my backpack and hand the tray to Seth.

As I leave, I have the distinct feeling that someone's staring at me, but when I look back, no one seems to be looking in my direction. I do notice, however, that Mr. Cute Guy had actually been on his way to the table behind ours. Oh, well. Typical.

* * *

 **A/N: Here are the course schedules. I created these so I wouldn't get confused on who was supposed to be where and at what time, so I thought I might as well share them.**

 **~o~**

 **Chloe:**

 **8:30 MWF Sociology – Dr. Davis**

 **10:30 MWF Management – Dr. Baxter**

 **9:00 TTh Music Appreciation – Dr. Larson**

 **10:30 TTh Macroeconomics – Dr. Eckler**

 **14:00-17:00 daily - Work in administration office**

 **~o~**

 **Seth:**

 **09:30 MWF Calculus**

 **10:30 MWF Management**

 **10:30 TTh Macroeconomics**

 **13:30 TTh Freshman Studies**

 **~o~**

 **Jake & Nessie:**

 **08:30 MWF Biology**

 **10:30 MWF Management**

 **10:30 TTh Macroeconomics**

 **13:30 TTh Psychology**

 **~o~**

 **The next chapter is super short so I plan to post the next two chapters together, probably this weekend.  
**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter, or the story in general, and will be happy to answer any questions!**


	4. Moving Out

**Chapter 3: Moving Out**

 _~~ Friday, January 6, 2017 ~~  
_

"Hey, Chloe! Are you in there? It's me! I don't have my key anymore, remember?" She knocks again, louder this time.

I jump up and open the door, and Brianna's familiar face greets me. I hadn't realized how much I've missed my former roommate. Her large brown eyes, normally full of mischief, show obvious surprise at my appearance.

"Sorry, I didn't realize it was you," I tell her. "You're early." Three hours early.

"Yeah, Sydney's friend wasn't home, so we came straight here," she says absently, looking at me with concern. "What's wrong?"

"My mom died," I say, stating the obvious. She knows this already; I emailed her Tuesday night, and she mentioned it when we spoke on the phone earlier today, so I know she hasn't forgotten.

"Oh. Sorry," she says, rubbing her forehead the way she always does when she realizes she's said something stupid. "Of course. I guess I was worried something else had happened too."

"Do I look that bad?" I ask, stepping back and opening the door wider so that she can come on into the room. I glance in the mirror at my red-rimmed eyes and smudged makeup, and I guess it _is_ pretty obvious that I've been crying.

"No, you look great," she lies. "You wanna talk about it?" She sits down on her old bed, and as I repair my eye makeup I see her reflection looking at me expectantly.

"Not really. I'll just start crying again," I tell her honestly.

"What are you doing sitting around in your room by yourself on a Friday night, anyway?" she asks. "You weren't already waiting on _me_ , were you?"

"No, I just felt like being alone for a while," I say, sitting down on my own bed.

"So how was your first week of school? Anything changed this quarter?"

"Not really." Other than the fact that my mother is dead. But that's not what she means. "School's pretty much the same."

"What classes do you have?"

"Sociology and Introduction to Management on Monday/Wednesday/Friday, and Music Appreciation and Macroeconomics on Tuesday and Thursday."

"Still working in the administration building?"

"Yeah, from two to five every afternoon."

"And you're still hanging out with our group?"

"Yeah. Well, I've been eating lunch with them. I haven't really been feeling very sociable this week, but I do plan to go to the study group meeting at Nessie's tomorrow."

"Do you think Eli might be there?" she asks, raising her eyebrows hopefully.

"No, he didn't come back this quarter. Nessie said he had a job offer in Europe and decided to take a break from school."

"That's kind of odd. Did she say what kind of job? It must be really good if he thinks he doesn't need a degree."

"She didn't say, and I didn't ask."

"Well, that's too bad that he's not coming back to school," she says. "He was one of the few guys you liked last quarter who was actually available, and I really thought we might have finally found you a boyfriend."

I shake my head. "He never even called or texted after that day at the study session."

"Well, is there anybody new this quarter? I think Taylor was texting me about a friend of Jake's."

"Yeah, his name is Seth. He's living with Jake and Nessie and the Cullens, and he usually eats lunch at our table."

"Is he cute?"

"I think he's a member of Jake's tribe. He looks a little like Jake, but he's a more normal size, maybe six feet tall."

"He looks like Jake? So he's got to look good, right? Have you talked to him?"

I laugh. "Yeah, he's pretty easy on the eyes. But I looked worse than this when I met him - I went to see Nessie the first night I got back, and he was there. I was a real mess. He left the room as soon I got there – I guess he felt awkward. I haven't talked to him since then other than small talk at the lunch table, and he asked me to share books for the business classes we have together. I've got to finish my homework by tomorrow morning so I can get them to him at the study group tomorrow."

"He asked you to share books? That's a good sign. He must like you!"

I roll my eyes. "No, I think he just needed to save money, and we both happened to be walking to the bookstore at the same time after our macro class. I'd actually rather have my own books, but until I get the estate stuff sorted out and get access to Mom's bank account, I'm pretty low on funds myself."

"Does he sit near you in class?"

"Not usually. He sits with Jake and Nessie. I think he was right behind me this morning, but Jake was in the next row over."

"You haven't tried to talk to him anymore?"

"Brianna, he's gorgeous and he seems nice, but I have a lot of other things on my mind right now. I haven't exactly been in a flirtatious sort of mood. Ya know?"

"Okay. Sorry. It could be a good distraction for you though. You know, get your mind off of things. It's not good to just sit around here by yourself. You need to get out and do something. I hate seeing you look so depressed."

"I'm not depressed; it's called 'grieving,'" I tell her, feeling increasingly annoyed. "I just lost the only parent who's ever been a real parent to me. It's been less than two weeks. And I've only been back at school for four days. I need a little time, okay?"

"I didn't mean it to sound like there's something wrong with you. I know it's normal to grieve. I just think it would be good for you to try to get out of your room some. Hang out with Taylor or Megan or something. I saw Megan on the way in, and she said she's hardly seen you outside of class except in the cafeteria. I'm worried about you because it seems like you're isolating yourself."

"Brianna, I love you, but you really get on my nerves sometimes."

She laughs; we've both said this to each other several times during the months we lived together. I can't even remember which of us started it – probably her.

"You know I'm only trying to help," she says in a tone that indicates she's backing down, as I knew she would. She may have talked me into doing a lot of things last quarter that I wouldn't ordinarily have done, but she knows not to push me past my limits.

"I know," I tell her. "It's just that everybody seems to think they know what's best for me. I'm the one going through this, and if I feel like I need some time alone, I'm going to take some time alone. I know what I need more than anyone else does. If I need advice, I'll ask, okay?"

"All right," she says, coming over and leaning down to give me a brief hug. "I just want to see you back to your normal happy self again."

"I guess that'll just take time," I tell her.

"Well, let me know if there's anything I can do to help," she says, still looking concerned. "Later on, when you're feeling more up to it, I could fix you up with Caleb's cousin if you want. I just met him last week, and he's almost as cute as Caleb."

"I'll keep that in mind," I tell her, smiling at how she never gives up. Ever since I'd told her shortly after we became roommates that I'd never had a boyfriend and how limited my social life had been in high school, she'd made it her personal mission to help me in that area. I had excitedly let her try to fix me up with a few different guys last quarter, but I didn't really hit it off with any of them, and I'm not feeling nearly so adventurous now.

"Okay," she says, drawing the word out in obvious disappointment that I'm not more interested in her boyfriend's cousin.

"I really do appreciate it," I assure her. "Even if he is The Perfect Guy, trust me, this wouldn't be the best time for him to meet me – not unless you want me to impress him with my mad crying skills."

"I understand," she says, her voice softening. "That's why I said, 'Later on, when you're feeling more up to it.' I didn't mean it would need to be anytime soon. No pressure, okay?"

"Okay, but it will probably be a long while. I really don't need any extra complications in my life right now. I'm dealing with enough already."

"Okay, Project 'Find Chloe a Boyfriend' is officially on hold," she says.

"Thanks," I say, smiling both at her wording and the fact that I've managed to get through to her.

"Well, I'd better get the rest of my stuff," she says. That's why she's here in the first place, to get all the things she left in our room. She hadn't known when she went home for winter break that she wouldn't be coming back. "Sydney's down in the lobby talking to somebody. I'll text her and let her know she needs to get up here and help me." She pulls out her phone and starts texting her older sister.

"I can help you carry stuff too," I tell her, glancing in the mirror to make sure my face is back to normal by now. I don't want everybody who sees me asking me what's wrong.

"You look fine," she assures me. "I can't even tell you've been crying anymore."

"Thanks. Oh, Nessie said to give this to you," I tell her, taking the scholarship application Nessie gave me in class this morning from my dresser and handing it to her.

"New England Scholarship Trust, sponsored by E.E.C., Inc.," she reads from the form, looking confused. "What's their selection criteria? You know my grades weren't that good last quarter. And I'm not a high school senior. Will they take applications from someone who's already started college?"

"I'm not sure, but Nessie really seemed to think you should apply. She said she had several friends who got scholarships through them. It can cover up to full tuition for any school you get accepted to. Maybe we could be roommates again. It couldn't hurt to apply."

"Okay, I'll check it out," she says, tucking it into a textbook in the stack on her desk. "Thanks."

"I wish you were still here this quarter," I tell her. Despite our occasional disagreements and her continual efforts to push me beyond my comfort zone, she was always someone I could talk to, and I really do miss having her around. It's too bad that her mom lost her job right before Christmas.

There is another knock at the door, and I let Sydney in. She looks almost exactly like Brianna, except four years older and with longer hair. I help them carry what's left of Brianna's clothes, books, and miscellaneous items down to Sydney's car. She took quite a bit with her home for the holidays, and she hadn't brought nearly as much as most people when she moved in, so with the three of us, it only took a few trips to carry everything down.

I go back to my room after they've gone and start on my homework. The room feels emptier now with all of Brianna's stuff gone. She did leave her bedding, which matches mine, as well as the valance for the window she'd bought to complete the look. She said she couldn't use them since they were the wrong size for what she had at home. So at least the extra bed hasn't been stripped bare. I think that would have made the room feel even emptier.


	5. Alone in the Crowd

**Chapter 4: Alone in the Crowd**

~~ Saturday, January 7, 2017 ~~

I pull into Nessie's driveway and recognize most of the vehicles parked there as the same ones from our study group last quarter. Only Brianna's is missing, and there are a couple of new ones I don't recognize. I am a few minutes late, as usual, but they always start late even when I do get there on time, so I figure it doesn't really matter.

I ring the doorbell, hoping that Nessie or Jake will answer the door rather than Mr. Cullen. Even if he is always excessively polite, and even if there was a possibility that he doesn't hate me, I know that he knows I had a crush I had on him last quarter, and it is just horribly embarrassing now.

The door swings open, and it is Seth who greets me. "Come on in," he says pleasantly. "I was starting to wonder if you were coming."

For a moment, I feel flattered that he had noticed I wasn't there yet, and then I remember that I have his book. Of course he was waiting on me.

"I brought the book," I tell him. "I already took notes on the next chapter, so I shouldn't need it again until after class on Wednesday."

"Okay, great," he says, taking it from me.

"Is Mr. Cullen here?" I whisper to him as we walk into the room where everyone is gathered. I don't see him anywhere, but sometimes he seems to hide upstairs in his office and then appears when I least expect him.

"Do you mean Edward?" he asks with a confused look.

I nod.

"Why do you call him 'Mr. Cullen'?"

"He was the TA who taught my lab last quarter," I tell him. "Just habit, I guess." No need to mention that he didn't insist on "Mr. Cullen" until after I had harassed him with questions and made a fool of myself in front of his wife. I'll never forget the look on Nessie's face when I asked her brother's wife if he was good in bed. Brianna and her stupid list of dares...

"He made the class call him 'Mr. Cullen'?" Seth asks with a snort. "Don't most TAs go by their first names?"

"I don't know; I haven't had any other TAs yet," I say.

"Well, he's not here," Seth assures me. "He and Bella went hiking this weekend. They probably won't be back until it's time for their classes on Monday evening. You look relieved. Seriously, Edward's not that bad when you get to know him. He actually loosens up a little, every once in a while."

"I'll have to take your word for it," I say with a small laugh. "I think I annoyed him too much with all my questions in lab last quarter." Those relentless questions during lab had been a combination of my inaptitude for biology and an effort to alleviate my boredom during those long lab sessions. Devising schemes to attract personal attention from Mr. Gorgeous had seemed like a good idea at the time, especially when I didn't know he was Nessie's brother. But Seth doesn't need to know about any of that, either. It all seems so stupid now, and I don't want Seth to know I had a crush on Mr. Cullen.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Seth says. "How are you supposed to learn if you don't ask questions?"

"So the two of you are good friends?" I ask. They seem like polar opposites of each other – Seth is friendly and easy to be around, whereas Mr. Cullen always seems so uptight and overly formal.

"I generally only see him when I'm visiting Jake, or when they come home for the holidays, but I've never had a problem with him," he says with a shrug. "We've always gotten along."

We both sit down on the floor, joining the rest of the group. Megan has brought a stack of index cards with questions to drill us all with, as usual. I don't miss any of the ones that are directed at me, as I've been studying all week since I knew Seth would have the book over the weekend.

Once Megan's supply of questions is exhausted, we move on to the game phase of our studying. This is what has made our study group so popular – we come up with various games that let us have fun while helping us remember facts that might otherwise have been rather boring. Today, Megan has all our key terms for the current chapter written on index cards, and we take turns drawing a card and acting out the word while the rest of the group tries to guess the answer. Believe me, it takes some creativity to act out economics vocabulary words, so this game is normally quite entertaining. Last quarter, I enjoyed getting really silly and coming up with crazy ways of demonstrating the meanings of boring words. And the hilarious visuals usually help jog my memory at test time. But today, I'm just not getting into it. I feel kind of detached from the group. Everyone around me is laughing and having fun. My friends are going about their lives, as happy as ever, like everything's normal, when my mom is _dead_.

The finality of her death hits me again, and I feel a moment of panic as I think about how she'll _never_ be there sitting in her favorite spot on the couch again when I go home. We'll never again sit there watching chick flicks into the wee hours of the morning, eating popcorn she popped on the stove the old-fashioned way topped with real butter. We won't be working together in the garden this summer in the hot sun; there will be no garden this year - no overabundance of vegetables to share with the neighbors. When I'm stressed about school and just need my mom, I can't call her anymore. She'll never again remind me to drive carefully, to be home on time. I don't really even have a home anymore. It's just an empty house now.

"Chloe? Chloe! It's your turn. Are you okay?" Megan looks at me quizzically, a smile still on her face from the previous person's performance. I'm not sure if she even knows about my mom. Maybe nobody told her. Or maybe she just forgot.

"I'm going to go out and get some air," I mumble, jumping up and hurrying out in an attempt to get away before they see me cry. I go out the kitchen door onto the deck and then down the steps into the back yard. The distinctive thumping of Seth's crutches on the deck tells me that he's following me. I wonder what he wants. Is he going to try to get me to go back in and play? I just don't feel like I can handle that right now, and the last thing I need is for him to witness my transformation into a snotty, crying mess again.

But I just can't hold back the tears anymore. He's right behind me now, and I don't really want to talk to him. I just want to be alone. I stand with my back to him and try to keep my sobs as quiet as possible, hoping he'll go away.

"I remember the first time I went out with my friends after my dad died," he says tentatively after a moment. His voice sounds thick with emotion, and I can tell he is still a few feet behind me. "It felt really weird. They all had their minds on other things, excited about a new club we had started. I was really excited to be included in this club because I was younger than most of the others, but my dad had just died of a heart attack, and I guess it just felt wrong to be enjoying something so soon after his death. Sometimes I would actually get my mind off of him for a few minutes, and I would run back into the house, excited to tell him about something, and then I would see his empty chair again."

"How long was it before you felt normal again?" I ask, sniffling and wishing I had a box of tissues.

"Things are never 'normal' again," he says. "But it gradually gets a little easier with time. I'm a pretty easy-going guy, and I probably hide my grief pretty well from most people, but it's still there. It never completely goes away."

"Yeah, that was a stupid question," I say, mentally kicking myself. "Sorry."

"No, it wasn't stupid at all," he assures me, his voice moving a little closer. "Here."

I look in his direction just enough to see that he is handing me some tissues. I quickly make use of them, drying the tears from my face and blowing my nose, and then I stuff them in my pocket to throw away later.

"Chloe, I'm here if you ever want to talk," he says, putting his hand on my shoulder and then dropping it as if he suddenly realized he shouldn't be touching me. He's probably afraid I'll get the wrong idea or something. Ha! No chance of him ever being attracted to me with the way I'm blubbering around him all the time.

"Thanks," I tell him.

"I know your situation is different from mine – everyone is different - so I'm not going to try to tell you that I know how you're feeling, but if you want to talk, I think I might understand better than anyone else in that room."

"I think you're probably right about that," I tell him, thinking about how oblivious everyone else seems to be most of the time. Even Nessie can't truly understand, as much as she seems to want to be there for me.

"Hey, do you think I could see your face now?" he asks.

"Why?"

"I just like to see who I'm talking to," he says. "I've been standing here talking to the back of your head for a while now."

I turn and face him. There's no way I can look worse than when I first met him,. What difference does it make? At least my nose isn't running anymore, and I'm able to breathe normally again now.

"Have you ever wished you could rewind time?" I ask him, apparently deciding to take advantage of his offer to listen.

"Rewind time?"

"I just wish I could go back in time and pay more attention the second time around. I had so many years when my mom was around, and I wasted so much of that time arguing with her over stupid things. And I spent so much time absorbed in other things that really weren't so important. I wish I could go back and tell her I loved her a few more times. And I wish I could go back and make sure she had gotten all her checkups so that her cancer might have been caught sooner when it could have been treated. Sometimes I wish it so much that it feels like I could really make it happen, that I could really go back in time and have a do-over, and she would still be here now. Like I've found a solution. And then reality hits me again."

I press my lips together, trying to stop my chin from quivering, and I can feel the tears building up again, the pressure burning behind my eyes. One large tear escapes and runs rapidly down my cheek, then another. I wipe the wetness on my sleeve and start to turn away from him again. But he takes a step toward me, his eyes seeming to share my pain, and he silently pulls me into a hug.

Being in his arms feels unexpectedly amazing, and I cry harder as I think about how this guy who barely knows me cares enough to stand out here with me while everyone else is still inside having fun. I wonder if he has any idea how good he smells. I remind myself that he's only touching me because I can't stop crying and he feels sorry for me. And I feel guilty that I'm even thinking about how much I'm enjoying a hug from a guy I've known less than a week when my mother just died. What kind of daughter am I? And all of this makes me cry even harder. He pulls me a little closer, and I cling to him, afraid he'll let go sooner than I'm ready.

After a few moments, I feel too exhausted to even cry anymore, and I decide to let go of him before he thinks I'm completely insane. I glance up at him and notice that he's trying to inconspicuously wipe tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. Great. Now I've made him cry too. I guess I was reminding him of his own loss.

"Sorry," I say. "And thanks." I pull out the used tissues and find a dry spot to wipe my nose again – it's better than using my sleeve, which seems to be the only other option at the moment.

"No problem," he says, stooping down to pick up his crutches. "I'm guessing you don't really feel like going back in with the group, and I doubt you feel like driving either. Want me to take you back to your dorm? Jake and I can drop your car off for you later."

"That would be really wonderful," I tell him, thinking what an amazingly nice person he is. "Here are my keys, before I forget."

We walk around to the front of the house, and it seems like he's being careful to keep enough space between us that we don't accidentally touch. He leads me over to an Explorer that is a few years old and in bad need of a wash. We get inside, and I note that the interior is much cleaner.

"Did you have to give the Mercedes back?" I ask, trying to lighten our conversation a little. I really don't want to start crying again.

"Yeah, that was Carlisle's," he says. "I just bought this on Wednesday. What do you think?"

"Probably more your style," I say, smiling to myself.

"Yeah, the Mercedes was nice, and it drove well, but it kind of smelled funny. I'm glad to have a vehicle of my own again."

We continue to make small talk, and soon we're driving through campus and I'm giving him directions on where to turn to get to my dorm.

He drops me off at the door to my back lobby, and I find myself wishing that he would come up and keep me company. The words almost come tumbling out of my mouth, but for once, I stop myself.

"Thanks for everything today," I say instead.

"Any time," he says. And he really sounds like he means it.

I return to my room, thinking about how I had been wishing Seth would go away when he first followed me outside, but he had turned out to be the first person to really seem to understand what I'm going through.

I've only been back in my room for a few minutes when my cell phone rings. I'm half-expecting it to be a telemarketer since nearly all of my friends are still back at the study session, so I'm feeling a little annoyed as I dig the phone out of my purse. My mood improves instantly when I see Ness's name displayed.

"Hi, Nessie!" I say as I answer the phone.

" _Hey, Chloe. I just wanted to check on you. Seth said he drove you back to your dorm?"_

"Yeah. I guess I just wasn't up to socializing today after all," I tell her. "I thought I was ready, but I couldn't stop thinking about my mom."

" _I'm sorry,"_ she says, and I can hear the pain in her voice. " _I wanted to run after you when you went outside, but you looked like you wanted to get away from everyone, and then Seth went after you, so…"_

"It's okay," I tell her. "I actually wanted to be alone for a while, but Seth was really nice, and I think talking to him helped a little."

" _Good."_

"Is the study group meeting over already?" I ask, wondering why she's not still studying with them.

" _No, they're all still here,"_ she says _. "They're studying again now. They were all worried about you, so we took a break until Seth came back. A couple of them hadn't heard about your mom, so I filled them in. I hope you don't mind."_

"No, that's good. Thanks for doing that."

" _Was there anything in particular that someone said or did that upset you?"_ she asks.

"No, it was more general. It was just hard being with a group of people who were having a good time when I couldn't stop thinking about my mom."

" _I can talk to Megan about toning down the silly games for the next few study sessions,"_ she offers. _"Would that help?"_

"It would help some," I tell her, "but I think mostly I just need time."

" _If you want to talk about it more, I'm here, okay?"_ she reminds me.

"Thanks," I say, knowing she really means it. "I'm okay right now, though. You can go enjoy the rest of the game."

" _Okay. I'd better get back in there with the snacks. That's what I told them I was going to the kitchen for. Good luck on the test tomorrow."_

"Thanks for calling!"

" _Oh – Seth said to tell you that he and Jake will have your car there later tonight. I told them where you usually park. It'll be there in your normal spot before tomorrow morning."_

"Great, thanks!"

" _See you tomorrow. Bye!"_

Suddenly feeling exhausted, I get ready for bed, set my alarm, and have the most restful night of sleep I've had in a while.


	6. More Comfortable

**More Comfortable**

~~ Tuesday, January 10, 2017 ~~

"Hey, Chloe, I'm finished with the macro book," Seth says from his seat behind mine as class is dismissed. "You want it back now?"

"Sure. I've got the management book here in my backpack," I say, rummaging around for the book as the other students hurry out, eager to eat lunch or to get to their next class. Nessie and Jake wait for us by the door as we make the swap.

"I talked to Sam and Brady last night after you went to sleep," Jake tells Seth.

"Oh? What'd they have to say?" Seth asks, falling in step with Jake as Nessie and I trail slightly behind.

"Do you have any plans for this weekend?" Nessie asks me. "I was wondering if you might like to come over and hang out at our house Saturday afternoon."

"I already promised Taylor I'd go shopping with her on Saturday," I tell her, wishing I could do both. "It'll probably take most of the day but maybe I could come over later in the evening."

"I'll be gone then," Nessie says, sounding disappointed. "I'm babysitting that same set of twins again, and I'll be gone overnight and most of the day Sunday as well. I have to be there by 6 PM on Saturday."

"Oh. Well, maybe we can do something the next weekend," I suggest.

"Yeah, we'll work something out," she says. "Oh, I forgot to ask you yesterday – did Brianna come get her stuff yet?""

"Yeah, she came Friday night. And I gave her the scholarship application."

"Great! I hope she fills it out. I have a good feeling about it," she says.

"She said she'd check it out," I tell her, but I'm getting distracted by Jake and Seth who are still walking a few steps ahead of us. Seth elbows Jake, and Jake playfully shoves Seth. I wouldn't think anything about it except that the guy is on crutches.

"Jake does see the crutches, right?" I say to Nessie.

She laughs. "Yeah. Jake would never really hurt him. And Seth is pretty capable of taking care of himself, even with crutches."

Just then, Seth extends one of his crutches and trips Jake, who stumbles for a few steps but manages not to fall down. He punches Seth solidly in the arm, and the two of them are both laughing as we enter the cafeteria.

"Boys," Nessie says, rolling her eyes, and I laugh with her this time.

The four of us get in the food line just behind Adam and Dylan. Jake and Seth both have their trays piled high with food, as usual, and Nessie puts way more on her tray than she'd ever actually eat. She always gets extra for Jake, and I've seen Seth sneak food from her tray a couple of times too.

The six of us head for the table where Taylor and Megan are sitting. A third tray is on the table next to Taylor, and Seth takes the empty seat to the right of it. Adam and Dylan sit by Megan, and once Jake and Ness sit down, the only seat left is between Nessie and Seth.

That worked out well – I'm sitting between the two people I'm the most comfortable being around right now. I sat with Taylor at lunch yesterday, which resulted in the shopping trip plans. I didn't ask her, but I suspect it may have been instigated by Brianna, still wanting me to get out more. Even when I told Taylor I don't have any money for shopping, she insisted that I could use her credit card and pay her back later. But I do need some new clothes, and I know she's trying to help in the best way she knows how, so I told her I would go. Besides, Taylor has always been fun to hang out with, and I do rather miss spending time with her.

"Any idea who's sitting there?" Seth asks, bringing me back from my thoughts. He's gesturing to the unoccupied seat next to him.

"Probably Michaela," I tell him, spotting my friend standing about three tables over. "She's over there talking to someone."

"Ah," he says.

"Why? Were you hoping the food was abandoned?" I ask, smiling at his never-ending appetite.

"You know me too well," he says with a grin. "If she doesn't come back, I call dibs on that chocolate-chip cookie."

"You want mine?" I ask.

"No, no, that's okay." He laughs and then takes a huge bite out of his second burger. Just then, Michaela returns, and Seth scoots his chair a little closer to mine to allow her to get into her seat at our crowded table.

"Hey, Chloe!" Michaela greets me brightly as she sits down. "I heard Brianna was here Friday night."

"Yeah, she stopped by to get the rest of her stuff."

"Sorry I missed her. I thought she was coming later. Taylor and I went to a movie but we were going to try to catch up with her afterward. But she was already gone when we got back."

"Yeah, she got here a few hours early," I tell her. "I think she said something about somebody else they were visiting not being home."

"Brianna was your roommate?" Seth asks.

"Yeah, we drove each other crazy sometimes, but I still miss her," I answer.

"Me too," Michaela says. "There was never a dull moment with her around."

Several people laugh, as that was a bit of an understatement, and I find myself smiling as well. Brianna was always in everybody's business, pushing us to try new things.

"So you have a private room now," Michaela says with a touch of jealousy. "I wish I had my own room - Abby and I have _nothing_ in common, and her friends are always hanging out in our room, even after I need to go to bed."

It occurs to me that I could ask Michaela to switch rooms and move in with me, but something holds me back from actually making the offer. As empty as the room feels without Brianna, I realize that I do kind of like having it to myself. And even though I know Michaela and I would get along great, and I enjoy spending time with her, I feel like I need my space right now. Maybe I can ask her later about rooming together next year.

"Have you tried asking them to leave?" Megan asks Michaela.

"I've strongly hinted," she answers.

Megan raises her eyebrows. "Sometimes you've just got to be blunt – tell them point-blank that you want them to leave."

"Yeah, that problem should be easy to solve," Adam says. "You just kick them out. Just be glad you don't live with someone like Dylan."

"What did I do now?" Dylan demands, holding out his arms palms-up with exaggerated innocence.

"One word: Pop-Tarts," Adam says.

Dylan grins guiltily but is obviously unashamed. "Dude. That's two words," he says.

"Actually, it's hyphenated, so it counts as one," Megan argues.

Dylan rolls his eyes, still wearing the guilty grin.

"Pop-Tarts?" Jake asks.

"Yeah," Adam says, "I brought two boxes of them back with me after winter break, and the very next morning when I woke up, I went to get one out of the box, and the box was empty. So I grabbed the other box from behind it, and it was empty too! At first I thought he had hidden them somewhere as one of his stupid jokes, but he had actually eaten them all! The empty wrappers were in the trash, and there were crumbs all over my desk."

"They were yummy," Dylan says proudly.

"That was gonna be my breakfast for the next two weeks," Adam says. "I mean, seriously, who eats two boxes of Pop-Tarts in one morning?"

Jake and Seth exchange a look.

"I always eat at least two boxes," Jake says. "Sometimes three or four."

"Yeah, one box is just a small snack," Seth agrees, grinning.

Dylan high-fives Jake and then leans across the table to do the same with Seth, while Adam just shakes his head.

I notice Seth and Jake have both finished everything on their trays already. How do they eat so much so fast? I'm just now finishing my burger, and I'm starting to feel full already. Nessie seems to be finished eating too – she's playing with her food now, idly stirring the mashed potatoes around on her plate while Michaela relates more of her roommate woes and Adam shares more of Dylan's mostly-humorous offenses.

I find that I'm enjoying the lunchtime chatter more than in recent days. I've been back to school for a full week now, and I seem to be past all the questions from people who hadn't heard yet about my mom's death asking how she is doing, and pretty much everyone who knows me has dutifully told me that they're sorry, or asked if they can help, or offered their well-meaning but unnecessary advice. Of course, if they all ignored my mother's death that would be even worse, but most of the time I don't really feel like talking about it, especially in group settings or with people who can't really understand. I'm grateful that Seth hasn't brought up anything about Saturday here at the lunch table. While I wouldn't mind talking to him again sometime, I don't want everyone else at the table being reminded to ask me how I'm doing. I know people mean well, but it's such a stupid question that it's hard to know how to answer without snapping at the asker. So a lunch conversation focusing around Michaela's complaints about Abby, interspersed with some antics from Adam and Dylan, are a welcome return to normalcy.

"Hey, Nessie," Megan says as if she suddenly remembered something important. "Is it okay of we meet at your house tomorrow to finish up the group project? Taylor is using our room for her group."

Nessie looks hesitant. "I think Edward and Bella have something planned tomorrow night," she says. Then she turns to me and asks cautiously, "Do you think we could meet in your room, Chloe?"

"Sure, no problem." I just want this project to be over with. My room is as good as anywhere.

"Thanks, Chloe," Megan says. "I'll let Trevor and Jadyn know. She pulls out her phone, probably texting them.

"What time are we going to start?" I ask.

"How about 7 P.M?" Megan asks, looking around the table. Adam and Dylan nod, and Jake gives a thumbs-up.

"Works for me," Seth says, and Megan looks back to me again with a questioning expression.

"Yeah, seven is fine," I tell her.

"Great!" Megan says, finishing her text and pocketing her phone. She stands and begins gathering her things. "I have to go back by my room before my next class," she tells us. "I forgot to put my Spanish homework in my backpack. I'll see you guys later!"

Taylor and Adam get up and leave at the same time as Megan. I consider following them out and going back to my own room for a while before I have to go to work, but I decide to stay a bit longer even though I'm finished eating.

Two of Dylan's friends – Matt and Matt's roommate, whose name I can't remember - take the seats just vacated by Megan and Adam, and the three of them start discussing their weekend plans.

"Chloe, I hope you don't mind hosting the study group," Nessie says. "I'm sorry to put you on the spot like that. If you're not feeling up to it when the time comes, let me know and we can try to get a room in the library or just meet in the lobby."

"It's fine, really," I assure her. "I don't mind having it in my room."

"Thanks," she says. "Edward and Bella are having some friends over for supper, and I think they'd be annoyed if I invited a big group over the same night."

"No problem."

"Well, we've got to get to our psychology class," Nessie says, and she and Jake start gathering their things.

"Yeah, I've got a class now too," Seth says, leaning down to pick up his crutches from the floor.

"Here, I can get your tray," I tell him, stacking it under mine. It has to be difficult for him to manage that tray while walking with crutches and carrying a heavy backpack, regardless of how easy he makes it look.

"You don't have to do that," he says as he throws the backpack over his shoulder and stands.

"Too late," I tell him as we start toward the tray return.

"You really didn't want that cookie?" he asks.

I laugh and stop walking for a moment so he can rescue it from the tray before I set it on the conveyor belt. That familiar grin takes over his face as he picks it up and stuffs it in his mouth, and he somehow manages to look attractive even while eating an oversized cookie in one bite.


	7. Just Talking

**Just Talking**

~~ Thursday, January 12, 2017 ~~

"Well, I think it's finished!" Megan says cheerfully, effectively bringing our group project meeting to a close. "Last chance for changes before I send it off. Anyone?"

We all shake our heads. If Megan's happy with it, it probably can't be improved any further. I, for one, am glad to have this one finished. This assignment for our management class required working in groups of eight, and I was greatly relieved that I was able to get Megan in my group. Including her is always a good idea anytime you're not in the mood to do the work yourself. She is super-organized and likes to be in control – she'd be happy to do the whole thing on her own just to make sure it's done the way she wants it.

Today I'm feeling a little less disconnected, compared to last weekend, and I've handled the group interaction much better. It probably helps that this was a less "fun" gathering, since we were so focused on the task of completing all the requirements for the assignment by the deadline. I still didn't participate in the group as much as I normally would, but it's been nice just having people around after having spent the last couple of evenings alone, and I have to admit that this particular group meeting has been rather entertaining. Jake has some pretty strong opinions sometimes, so having him and Megan work together can provide for some interesting conversations. And Seth actually managed to raise a couple of points that Megan agreed were better than her own ideas that we had started with – I've never seen that happen before.

"Thanks for letting us join your group," Jadyn says as she and her boyfriend, Trevor, walk to the door. "You guys actually made this kind of fun!"

"We're meeting at Jake and Nessie's next Thursday to study for the test, if you want to come," Megan tells her.

"Yeah, we'd love to have you!" Nessie agrees. "We try to get together before every test or quiz."

"I'm not sure we can make it next week, but hopefully the next time," Trevor says.

"Thanks for letting us use your room, Chloe," Megan says as she and Adam follow Jadyn and Trevor to the door.

"No problem," I tell her. I notice that Adam has his hand resting lightly and somewhat possessively against her back. That is definitely new; I hadn't realized they were together, though recall now that they've sat next to each other at lunch all week this week.

Seth and I are sitting on my bed, leaning back against the wall, with my laptop still sitting between us. Nessie is sitting on Jake's lap on the bed across from us that used to be Brianna's. Jake and Nessie have been sneaking in kisses and small touches all evening whenever they thought no one was looking – you'd never believe they're already married from the way they act. Now, with a smaller audience made up of only their closest friends, they show even less restraint. Ness is tilting her head back, clearly enjoying the way Jake's mouth is moving all over her neck. You'd think he was trying to eat her or something.

"C'mon, guys, get a room!" Seth complains.

"We're _in_ a room," Jake shoots back.

"Yeah, Chloe's room," Seth says. "Why don't you go to your _own_ room?"

"We probably _should_ go home," Nessie says, sliding off of his lap. Her face is a little red as she adds in a whisper, "Sorry, Chloe. I wasn't thinking."

Yeah, I can see how that would be a little distracting.

"I thought your brother was having company over," I remind her.

"Yeah, but their guests will be gone by now," Nessie says. "It's after 10 P.M."

"But Edward's still home," Jake complains, as though his brother-in-law's presence would be a huge annoyance.

"Are you two having problems?" I ask. I wonder if Mr. Cullen has been trying to boss Jake around too. That probably wouldn't go over too well.

"No, no problems," Jake says. "We just have sort of an agreement that I won't make out with his sister in front of him."

So I was right. Mr. Cullen isn't a fan of their PDA.

"That's why you go to your own room," says Seth, rolling his eyes. "Hence the phrase, 'Get a room.'"

"He says I'm too loud, if you know what I mean," says Jake, looking at Seth. "I give him 'vivid mental images'."

Okay, that is just a little more than I ever needed to know about Jake and Nessie.

Nessie caresses his face with the palm of her hand – something I've noticed she does frequently – and whispers something in his ear.

This seems to calm him, as it often does, and a smile spreads across Jake's face. "Okay, we're leaving," he says.

They both head for the door, and I am a little surprised that Seth makes no move to get up.

"You don't have to go too?" I ask him as the door closes. "I thought you drove them here."

"No, I drove separately. Jake likes to drive his own car, and all three of us don't fit very well in the Aston Martin," he says with a laugh. "Would you mind if I hang out here for a while? I'm not sure where else to go since I'm pretty sure Jake and Ness don't want me around for at least the next couple of hours."

"Sure, you can stay," I tell him, my mind scrambling to adjust to this unexpected change of plans – I had been planning to type up my psychology class notes and then go to bed early, plus it's a little intimidating having such a gorgeous guy hanging out in my room even though I know it's just Seth. But I remember having to find places to disappear to last quarter when Brianna's boyfriend visited, so I sympathize with his predicament. "So what do you want to do? We could watch a movie on my laptop or something."

"Sure, that sounds good," he says.

We start looking through a list of available movies, but nothing is standing out to me. I keep scrolling through slowly, assuming he'll tell me when he sees something he finds interesting. I find my mind wandering to last Saturday when he had his arms around me in Nessie's back yard. Those circumstances had been far from ideal, but after sitting here with him so close to me for the last three hours, and now finding myself alone with him, I can't help thinking how it would feel to have those strong arms around me again. But there is a full twelve inches of empty space between us, and he doesn't seem inclined to scoot any closer. Of course not. Why would he? I'm not crying right now. He just wants a place to hang out so he can give the happy couple some privacy. I remind myself it's good that he's only interested in being friends, because like I told Brianna, I don't need any more complications right now when my life has just been turned upside down with losing my mother.

"You don't see anything you like?" he asks.

"Huh? Oh. No, I don't really care what we watch. You can pick."

"We don't have to watch anything," he says with a shrug. "We could just talk."

"Okay. What do you want to talk about?" I ask, hoping he'll pick a non-emotional topic. It would be nice to show him that I'm capable of carrying on a conversation without bursting into tears.

"That's a nice camera you have over there," he says after glancing around the room. He tilts his head toward the camera that was on top of a pile of yearbook stuff I had sitting on the floor. "Are you into photography?"

"It belongs to the school," I tell him. "I'm on the yearbook staff. I was using it to get some 'student life' pictures last quarter. I need to turn it back in – I wasn't really supposed to keep it this long."

"I was on the yearbook staff in high school," he tells me. "But it wasn't really because I was interested in journalism or preserving high school memories. It was just an easy class for senior year. The teacher wasn't even in the classroom most of the time, and we were allowed to leave school during the day to go sell ads or run errands. Sometimes I'd just go home and not go back for my last class."

"Didn't you get in trouble for that?" I ask. That kind of thing would never have been tolerated at my high school.

"Nah. I could pretty much get away with anything," he says.

"Why was that?" I ask.

"Well, I grew up on the Quileute Indian Reservation, and I'm the son of a tribal elder, so the teachers tended to look the other way whenever I missed class. But rules were kind of lax at our school anyway, compared to what I've heard about other schools."

I hear the distinctive sound of a phone vibrating and I instinctively glance around for my purse, but Seth pulls his phone out and it vibrates again as he quickly glances at the name it is displaying.

"I'd better take this," he says apologetically.

I wonder who Claire Young is. Probably his girlfriend. I instantly dislike her, though I know it's completely unreasonable. She's probably very nice.

"Seth Clearwater," he says into the phone, instead of "hello."

"How much did she eat?" he asks, beginning to look concerned.

"What kind was it?" There is a brief pause, and the tension leaves his face.

"She'll be okay. No worries. That can't possibly hurt her."

"Sure thing."

"Um, maybe during spring break. We'll have to see how things go."

"Can I call you back later?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, take care."

He turns back to me as he re-pockets the phone. "Sorry about that. She was just worried about her poodle. So what were we talking about – high school and skipping class, right?"

"Yeah. You said you never got in trouble because one of your parents was a tribal elder. So what does that mean, exactly?" I ask. "What's a tribal elder?" What I really want to know is whether Claire is his girlfriend. But that's none of my business, and asking questions about an overheard personal phone call would be nosy and rude. And I don't want Seth to view me as nosy and rude.

"It just means they're part of the council that meets whenever they need to make a decision that affects the entire tribe. And they're responsible for making sure our history gets passed down to the younger generations. My mom and Jake's dad are both on the council, along with a few others."

"So the teachers were afraid they'd get in trouble with the elders if they said anything about you missing class?"

"No, nothing like that. It's more a matter of their having respect for our families. They would have assumed I had good reason for missing. And sometimes I did. But sometimes I didn't. I might have abused it just a little." He grins guiltily at me.

"What else did you do in high school?" I ask, trying to keep the conversation going. "Did you play sports? Football or basketball?" Judging by those arm muscles that are discernible even through his long-sleeved shirt, he must be pretty athletic.

"No," he says, seeming to find the question a little humorous. "I wasn't involved much in extracurricular activities at school. I'm more of the outdoors type. I spent a lot of time hunting, fishing, hiking, that sort thing. Oh, and cliff diving."

"Cliff diving?" I ask, unsure whether he is serious. I'm not really familiar with that activity, but wouldn't it involve cliffs? And jumping off of them?

"Yeah, our reservation is right on the ocean. We have some cliffs that are great to dive off of. We land in the water, so then we just swim back to shore."

"So we can add swimming to your list of activities?"

"Yeah, sure," he says with a grin.

"And who's 'we'?" I ask, hoping I sound casual. "You and your girlfriend?"

"No," he says, his eyes darting to mine. "Just some friends. My sister's the only girl who's ever joined us. Bella and Nessie have tried it, but I wasn't there those times."

"It sounds dangerous," I say. It does not escape my notice that he didn't actually say he didn't have a girlfriend – just that she didn't go cliff diving with him. I wonder again about Claire.

"Well, it can be, if you don't know what you're doing. Some cliffs are a lot higher than others, and there are some places where it's too rocky beneath. And you have to watch out for the weather, too. I wouldn't recommend trying it on your own." He looks at me seriously, as if he thinks there's a chance I might actually do such a thing.

"No worries there," I say with a laugh. "So tell me about your sister."

"Her name's Leah. She's a few years older than me. She's married to a guy named Cody who she met in college, and they have a baby, Sophie, who will be a year old in March. She's finishing up her doctorate in psychiatry right now. I've gotten to see her a little more than usual in the last few months – they come home more often now because Mom insists that they bring the baby over to visit."

"So you're an uncle."

"Yeah," he says, looking rather proud.

"Do you have any pictures of your niece?"

"Sure, sure," he says, pulling out his phone. He flips past a few other pictures and then hands it to me.

My fingers brush against his hand as I take it from him, and his hand feels really warm. I probably feel like an icicle to him. I'm reminded of how my mom and I always used to argue over the thermostat at home – I always wanted it warmer, and she always wanted it cooler. I try to focus on the pictures so that I won't keep thinking about my mom and start crying again, but it proves unnecessary since I'm distracted by the fact that I can still feel the warmth in the spot where his skin touched mine.

"That one's from Christmas morning," he says with a chuckle, leaning closer so that he can see which one I'm viewing. "She liked the wrapping paper a lot more than any of the toys."

The baby is very cute, but having Seth leaning this close to me is distracting. He smells just as good as he did the day he held me while I completely lost it in Nessie's back yard, and I acknowledge to myself that I'm finding him more and more attractive – both physically and otherwise. The better I get to know him, the more interesting he seems. If he were some other guy, and if I hadn't just lost my mom, I'd definitely be trying to flirt right now. But as things are, I don't want to risk making things awkward between us. He obviously just wants to be friends, and I'd like to keep his friendship. Last quarter, whenever people paired off within our group, I was always with Brianna. This quarter, I always seem to end up with Seth. He offered to be my partner yesterday when Dr. Baxter asked us to work in groups of two for our upcoming leadership styles report, and we ended up working together today, too, on the graphs for our class project. If he wasn't here, I'd probably be the odd person out.

"Sophie's adorable," I tell him as he takes his phone back.

"So is it my turn now?" he asks. He is leaning back against the wall again but has his head turned to the side so that he's looking at me.

"What do you mean?"

"Is it my turn to ask you questions? I think I've told you my whole life now."

"Oh. Sorry." I guess I _had_ been the one coming up with most of the questions. Well, he had said he wanted to talk, right? At least I'd been keeping the conversation going. "Ask away."

"Well, I told you all about my high school days. How about you? What activities were you involved in?"

"Not many, other than band, until my senior year, and most of them I just signed up for so that I'd have something to put on my college applications. I guess band and academic team were the main ones that took up the most time."

"And what did you and your friends do for fun?"

"I didn't really have any close friends in high school," I admit, "at least not the kind I hung out with after school. There were people at school I considered friends, but I never really saw them much outside of class except when we went on trips for competitions. I had a ridiculously early curfew, even on weekends, so I didn't really get to do much. Between band, academic team, and homework, I didn't really have any time left."

"Ridiculously early?"

"Nine P.M."

"Seriously?" He raises his eyebrows.

"Yeah. My mom worried too much, and she was really overprotective. She even made me wait an extra year before I was allowed to try for my driver's license." I note that I'm talking about my mom without crying, and it's nice to be able to do that.

"Wow. I've been driving since I was thirteen."

"Thirteen? More perks of being the tribal elder's son?"

"No, a lot of parents on the res let their kids drive around that age. I just had to make sure Charlie wasn't around."

"Charlie? You don't mean Bella's dad, do you? I met him once when he was here visiting."

"Yeah. He's the chief of police in Forks. He has no jurisdiction on the res, but he was good friends with my dad and Billy – that's Jake's dad – and they always got an earful if he saw us driving."

"And you said he's your step-father now, right?"

"Right. But he wasn't when I first started driving. And isn't it still my turn?" he reminds me with mock seriousness.

"Oh, sorry," I say, offering an apologetic smile.

He seems to be thinking for a moment, and then asks, "How do you like it here at Dartmouth? Not your classes, but everything else. I mean obviously things aren't normal right now, but what was your life like last quarter? You know, before?"

"I had a lot of fun last quarter, or at least the first part. In fact, I think I enjoyed it _too_ much," I tell him, feeling guilty about how oblivious I had been to my mother's health at first.

"Too much?" he asks, his brows lifting. He probably thinks I mean I partied too much.

"My mom had wanted me to go to college somewhere closer to home," I explain. "She wanted me to live at home and commute. But I wanted a fresh start. I didn't want to go to the college that most people from my high school go to. And I guess I wanted to be more independent. I'd always gone along with my mom's rules, I guess just because I wasn't the rebellious sort, but I didn't want college to just be like an extension of high school. And I might have gone there anyway, but I applied to Dartmouth on a whim, and when I not only got accepted but also got a partial scholarship, it just seemed too good to pass up."

"Chloe, there's no way you could have known what was going to happen. It's pretty normal to want to go to college away from home, and to want the freedom that goes with that."

"Yeah, I know that. And that's not really the part I feel so guilty about. We did argue about it a lot at first, but Mom accepted my decision once she saw I was really serious about it. She was proud that I was offered a scholarship from such a prestigious school. And I'm sure she knew I was going to have to grow up sometime. The part that bothers me so much is that I hardly even thought about her once I got here. I was too busy making new friends and getting involved in different clubs and activities. And when she first told me she had cancer, I didn't realize how serious it was. I thought she could just have the lump removed, and everything would be okay. I was so stupid."

"Now don't say that," he tells me. "You're definitely not stupid. And that does happen sometimes, when it's caught early enough, right? Sometimes people _can_ have surgery and fix things. You were just hoping for the best."

"Still, there's so much I would have done differently if I had realized how little time she had left."

"Yeah, the old 'hindsight is twenty-twenty' thing. What you said the other day about wishing you had a do-over really hit home with me. My dad had high blood pressure for a long time, and he kept eating things he knew he shouldn't. I've always wondered if I could have made a difference if I'd made more of an effort to encourage him to stick to the diet his doctor had recommended. And Mom really beat herself up about that too – she's an R.N., and she had tried to cook healthy foods, but he complained so much that she gave in and fixed what he wanted most of the time. None of us really thought he would have a heart attack so young. He wasn't even forty yet."

"Yeah, hindsight is definitely better," I say. "And I'm sorry I keep talking about my mom all the time. That's not what you were asking." In fact, I remember him specifically asking about "before."

"Don't apologize," he says firmly. "It's not a problem. Does it bother you when I talk about my dad?"

"No, of course not," I tell him. I hadn't thought of it like that before.

"Well, I don't mind hearing about your mom. I told you, you can talk to me any time, and I meant it. If you ever feel like talking about this, or anything else for that matter, and I'm not around, just pick up the phone, okay?"

I nod, and I can feel the tears threatening again. I've managed to talk about my mom for this long without crying, and now this simple gesture of friendship from someone I've not even known very long is wreaking havoc with my emotions. He really doesn't mind listening to my problems. I wipe away a single tear that has managed to escape, hoping he doesn't notice.

"Why are you always so nice to me?" I ask and then immediately wonder why I said it out loud.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he says, seeming almost insulted at the suggestion.

I don't really have an answer for that, so I just shrug. I wipe away another tear, wishing fervently that I had better control of my emotions. Even if Seth _is_ the world's nicest guy, he's bound to get tired of seeing me cry all the time.

"Why are you crying?" he asks carefully. "Did I say something wrong, or are you just thinking about your mom?"

"Neither," I tell him, taking a shaky breath as I struggle even harder to maintain control after hearing the concern in his voice. "I'm just overly emotional right now. You didn't say anything wrong."

Some of the tension leaves his face, and he hands me the box of tissues from my desk; his arms are long enough that he is able to reach it without even getting off the bed. I accept it gratefully and begin dabbing the wetness from my face. Any normal guy would have made some excuse to leave by now, but here he sits, inches away from me, looking concerned but not uncomfortable.

"Would you like me to leave?" he asks gently, his brows drawing together.

I shake my head. I definitely don't want that. What I want is for him to hold me again, but I don't dare say that out loud. And I don't want him to hold me because I'm crying; I just want him to hold me. More moisture fills my eyes as I realize I'm enjoying his company much more than I anticipated, and in ways he didn't intend. And here he is being so kind and patient - a true friend.

"Would you like me to talk about something else?" he asks. "Get your mind off of things?"

"Yeah, that would be good," I tell him, relief washing over me at the idea. That is exactly what I need. Maybe I can still pull myself together.

"I could tell you some of my tribe's legends. Would that be okay?"

"Sure. I'd love to hear your legends." That should be a safe, non-emotional topic.

"Okay. Normally this is done outdoors at night with the participants sitting around a bonfire," he says. "And the stories are normally told by one of the tribal elders. So you'll have to use your imagination a little."

"I'll do my best," I tell him, a smile breaking through in response to his lighthearted tone.

He talks for a long time, telling me stories about spirit warriors who were supposedly the ancestors of his tribe, and he keeps repeating strange names like Kaheleha, Taha Aki, and Utlapa. He speaks with a certain cadence and seriousness, I assume in an attempt to imitate the way the tribal elders tell the story. Part of the time I just listen to the flow of his voice, not fully paying attention to all of the words. But I'm careful to pay enough attention to get the basic gist, in case it comes up in conversation later – I wouldn't want him thinking I wasn't interested in his stories. There are tales about men who could leave their bodies and wander around in spirit form, a man who could share a wolf's body, and men who could take on the form of a wolf.

"So what did you think?" he asks when he's finished. His casual tone has returned, but I somehow sense that my reaction is important to him.

"I'd heard of Native American cultures who believed in animal spirits before, but I'd never heard any of the stories about them. It's really cool to hear them straight from the son of an actual tribal elder," I tell him.

He flashes me one of his easy grins, but I can see the pride in his eyes. Of course these legends are important to him; they are a deep-rooted part of his culture. I wonder if he will be expected to replace his mother as one of the "tribal elders" someday.

I try unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. It's been a long day, full of classes which were followed by three hours working in the administration office, and then I spent several hours working on that group project. And I'm a little sleep-deprived from staying up so late last night to get my homework finished.

Seth glances at the time and then looks over at me. "It's 11:53, and these dorms have a midnight curfew, don't they?" he asks.

"Technically, yeah, but guys are up here after midnight all the time," I tell him. Then I realize how that might sound and add, "On this floor, I mean. Not in my room."

"Thanks for the clarification," he says with a snort, playfully elbowing my arm. "But I don't want to get you in trouble. I'd better go."

"Well, I enjoyed talking to you," I tell him. "Feel free to hang out here any time you need to get away from Jake and Ness."

"I may have to take you up on that," he says, standing up with the aid of his crutches. "See you in class tomorrow."


	8. Shopping with Taylor

**Shopping with Taylor**

~~ Saturday, January 14, 2017 ~~

"Do these pants make me look fat?"

I look at Taylor carefully as she steps out of the dressing room and inspect the pants in question.

"No," I tell her. I'm pretty sure it's the donuts she eats for breakfast every morning that have caused her to gain those two pounds she's been so worried about. "But I think I like the first pair better. They make you look taller."

"Really?" she says eagerly.

"Yeah," I say. "Definitely get the first pair."

She returns to the dressing room, and I wait for her to change back into her own clothes.

We head for the checkout counter, and for once, I have a larger stack of items to purchase than she does. I kind of feel bad for her that she only found the one pair of pants, but I'm excited that I found several things I like, and they're all on sale half-price. Taylor's using her store credit card, which will save us an extra fifteen percent, and I should be able to pay her back before her payment is due at the end of the month.

"So… What's going on with you and Seth?" she asks as we stand in line to check out.

"Nothing's going on," I tell her. "He's just a friend."

"Sara said she saw him leaving your dorm at midnight a couple days ago," she says, fishing for more.

"Yeah, he came over to meet with our group for that project for management class, and Jake and Ness were kind of hinting that they wanted some time alone at their house, so he hung around for a while after everyone else left," I explain. Taylor knows about the project because she had to do the same one, but she has that class in the afternoon which is why she wasn't in my group.

"So what'd you do while he was there?" she asks.

"We just talked."

"About?"

"Nothing in particular," I say with a shrug. "He was just killing time until it was safe for him to go home."

"I still think he likes you," she says.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, he could've just gone somewhere else. And haven't you noticed how he looks at you?"

"How is that?" I ask.

"Like he's about to die of thirst, and you're a bottle of water," she says.

"I'm a bottle of water?" I say, giggling.

"Okay, so I'm not the best at analogies," she says, rolling her eyes. "Haven't you noticed how he always seems to be hovering around you? It seems pretty obvious to me."

"I haven't noticed that at all," I say. "But if that's true, then why does he always seem like he's being careful not to touch me? He always stays just far enough away that there could be no accidental contact. I think that's a pretty clear signal that he just wants to be friends."

"So when you flirt with him, he just ignores it?" she asks.

"I haven't tried," I say.

She gives me a look of disbelief.

"He's getting to be a pretty good friend, and I'm afraid if I try to push things, I'll make him uncomfortable, and he won't want to talk to me anymore. I think he probably has a girlfriend back home or something."

"You haven't asked?"

"I sort of tried, but he answered in a way that didn't really tell me anything."

"Hmm. That's not a good sign," she says. "You do like him, though, right?"

"How could I _not_ like him?" I ask, the full truth of this hitting me for the first time. Forget what I told Brianna. I do like Seth. But it's not in the same way I "liked" several guys last quarter, because in addition to finding him incredibly good-looking, I actually like him as a person. A lot.

She giggles. "Yeah. He's almost as gorgeous as Jake. You'd be crazy if you didn't."

Almost? No, Seth is much more physically attractive than Jake. Jake is way too tall, and he looks older. But Seth's good looks aren't even the main thing that draws me to him. He's the kindest and most caring person I've ever met. He's always happy, and I just feel better when I'm around him. There's just something special there, something I can't quite explain, so I don't even try. I'm not sure Taylor could understand anyway.

"Taylor?" I ask, suddenly realizing she'll want to share this "news" with our friends.

"Yeah?"

"Can we keep this between us, at least for now?"

"What, that you like Seth?"

I nod.

She looks at me for a moment, and I think she can tell that I'm serious.

"Sure," she finally agrees. "I mean, think it's kind of obvious to everybody, so I don't think you're really going to be able keep it a secret, but I won't tell them you told me you like him."

"Thanks," I tell her, grateful that she seems to realize how important this is to me. "I'm afraid if it gets back to Nessie, she might say something to Seth, either accidentally or trying to be helpful, and I'm worried it would just make things awkward."

"I still think he likes you too," she says, smiling. "But I'll stay out of it."


	9. Hanging Out

**Hanging Out**

~~ Sunday, January 15, 2017 ~~

I pull into the Cullens' driveway, noting that Seth's Explorer is the only vehicle present, and I remember Nessie said she would be gone babysitting most of the weekend. I wonder if I might be lucky enough to find Seth here alone. Probably not, as the Cullens and Blacks park in the garage, but I can hope.

Seth had left the management textbook with me when he came over to work on the group project on Thursday, and on Friday Dr. Baxter told us there would be a quiz on Monday, so I know Seth probably needs it to study. I actually hadn't given that book any thought at all until I nearly tripped over it in my room this morning, and I suddenly remembered the upcoming quiz. Oh well, I don't really mind having an excuse to stop by and see him.

As I walk up the curving stone pathway to the house, I hear music which gets louder as I approach. I pause before ringing the doorbell, listening to the melody and trying to figure out if I've heard it before. I wonder who would be listening to that kind of music. It doesn't really seem like Seth's or Jake's style. Maybe Nessie? It certainly seems much more modern than what I would expect for Bella's tastes, and it seems too cheerful and upbeat for Mr. Cullen, or _Edward_ , as everyone else is allowed to call him. The music stops abruptly, and I go ahead and ring the doorbell, realizing I've been standing there with my hand on it for the last few seconds.

After a moment, the door opens to reveal Mr. Cullen. Just my luck. He's home.

"Hi, Chloe," he says. "Ness is still babysitting at the Nelsons', but she should be home in about five or six hours if you want to come back later this evening."

"Actually, I came to see Seth," I tell him. "We're sharing a book, and he probably needs it for the quiz we're having tomorrow."

"Oh. Well, he's here," he says, opening the door wider. "Come on in. May I take your coat?"

There he goes, being all formal again. I let him take my jacket and then follow him into the family room, which seems strangely quiet except for what I soon realize is a light snoring sound.

Seth and Jake are both sprawled out on the floor, sound asleep. Jake, who is the one snoring, has his back to me and holds a video game controller loosely in one hand. An identical controller lies right next to Seth, apparently dropped when he fell asleep. But what truly captures my attention is the fact that Seth is shirtless; he's wearing only cut-off sweatpants. Actually, Jake is too, but Seth is the one I can't tear my eyes away from. His body is surprisingly muscular, and I gawk for a moment before I begin to feel guilty for intruding on him like this. I feel like I'm seriously invading his privacy watching him sleep, but I still can't look away.

I suddenly realize Mr. Cullen is about to wake him up. Before I can stop him, he leans down and speaks loudly right into Seth's ear. "Seth! Wake up! Chloe's here!"

Seth sits bolt upright, looking startled.

"Chloe's here," Mr. Cullen repeats, handing him his crutches. Where did he get those from? I must have been even more distracted than I realized.

Seth turns to look at me as he maneuvers himself to a standing position, and his face relaxes into that familiar, easy smile. "Hi," he says.

"Seth, I'm so sorry – I had no idea you'd be asleep," I say, forcing my eyes upward to focus on his face.

"What time is it?" he asks, running his hand through his hair and not seeming the least bit self-conscious about his attire – or lack thereof.

"About one in the afternoon," I tell him.

"How long was I asleep?" he asks, looking at Mr. Cullen.

"About seven hours," Mr. Cullen tells him.

"Did I beat you in that last game?"

"Only in your dreams," Mr. Cullen says with a smirk, and Seth chuckles.

Mr. Cullen had been playing video games all night? Seriously? He does look a little dark under the eyes. And I now see that there is a third controller balanced neatly on the arm of an empty chair. Did I wake him up too? I don't think I did – he looks too alert. So what was that music I heard earlier?

"What game were you playing?" I ask. "Was that music I heard earlier coming from your game?"

Seth looks confused. "It has some pretty good sound effects, but I'm not sure I'd call it music," he says.

"That was me," Edward admits. "I was playing the piano."

I'm not sure, but he kind of sounds a little embarrassed. Why wouldn't he want me to know he could play piano?

"What was the name of that song?" I ask. It had a familiar quality, and yet I was fairly certain I had never heard it before.

"I haven't given it a title yet," he says.

"You _wrote_ that?" I ask, astounded.

"It's not finished. I was just playing around with it, trying to get the melody right."

"You were _improvising_?" I ask, even more impressed. "Do you have any idea how amazing that sounded? You should record an album or something!"

"See?" Seth says, nudging me with a bare, muscular arm. "I told you Edward could be sort of cool occasionally."

" _Seth_!" I hiss under my breath, mortified that he is implying I had said otherwise.

Mr. Cullen actually chuckles, apparently accepting it as good-natured teasing. I guess he and Seth must be pretty good friends after all. My former lab instructor is actually starting to seem a little more human.

"You didn't hear him playing?" I ask Seth. "You slept through that?"

"I can sleep through pretty much anything," he says. "So can Jake." He tilts his head toward our mutual friend who is still sleeping soundly. "Edward, on the other hand, seems to suffer from insomnia."

"Yes, it's getting to be a real problem," Edward says, seeming to find something humorous and making me feel like there's a joke I'm not getting. "But I think I might be able to take a nap now."

He heads upstairs, probably glad to get away from me, and I'm glad to have Seth to myself for a few minutes.

"I brought you the book," I tell Seth, finally getting to the point of why I'm here. "I thought you might want it since we have that quiz tomorrow."

"There's a quiz tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I almost forgot too. He mentioned it right at the end of class as we were leaving."

"Oh. Well, you wanna study together, since you're already here and all?"

"Sure." I'd been kind of hoping he might suggest that. I read the chapter Friday morning before class but didn't take notes on it, so without the book, all I have to study from is the notes I took during class. And I know all too well from last quarter that Dr. Baxter doesn't limit his test questions to what was covered during class.

"Okay. You mind if I run to the kitchen and grab something to eat first? I'm starving."

"Sure, no problem."

"There's no food left, unless you want ice cream," Edward calls down from the top of the stairs. Has he been listening to us? "You and Jake cleaned us out yesterday, remember? Bella's gone to get groceries right now, but she probably won't be back for another hour or so."

"Oh," Seth says, looking disappointed. He turns his attention back to me. "Would you mind coming with me while I grab a bite to eat? We could study at the restaurant."

"Okay," I say with a shrug. I don't care where we study. I'm just happy to spend some more time with Seth.

Seth grabs his keys from the table and starts toward the door.

"Um, Seth?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"It's snowing outside." He's not seriously planning to go out wearing just cut-off sweatpants, is he?

"Oh." He laughs self-consciously and gives me a sheepish grin. "I guess I'd better go change. Actually, I need a shower, too. Give me five minutes?"

I nod and sit down to wait. Sure enough, he comes hobbling down the steps about five minutes later. His hair is still damp, and he's fully clothed.

"Do I look better now?" he asks.

"More appropriate for the weather, anyway," I tell him.

He grins at the implied compliment. I certainly prefer the earlier look.

"Now you're the one who needs a jacket," he observes. He opens the hall closet and finds the correct one easily – it's the only one that doesn't look practically brand new.

"Thanks."

We make our way through the half-frozen slush that is now hidden beneath a thin blanket of freshly-fallen snow, and I zip up my jacket. I'd forgotten how cold it is outside today.

"Sorry I didn't call first before coming over," I tell him after we're in his Explorer. "I can't believe I let my phone battery get completely drained again. I need to get a car charger for it, now that I've got a car."

"We can stop somewhere later and get you one," he says. "And no problem about you dropping in. I don't normally sleep that late. And I don't normally sleep on the floor with Jake, either." He laughs. "Nessie had an overnight babysitting job, so she wasn't home, and we ended up staying up too late."

When he turns into the parking lot of a steak place, I begin to worry that this is going to cost more than I should be spending. I need to save what cash I have left for things like gasoline and laundry.

"What's wrong?" Seth asks, apparently noticing the expression on my face. "You don't like this place?"

"Do you think we could go somewhere less expensive?" I ask tentatively. "I don't have a lot of cash left, and I'm still working on getting access to my mom's bank accounts."

"Actually, I came here because they have an all-you-can-eat buffet. It's a lot cheaper than if I buy enough to fill me up someplace else – even if I'm paying for both of us. You've seen how much I eat, right? How about I treat you today, and you can return the favor later on?"

"Okay," I agree. At least he's willing to let me pay back my share without us having to argue over money. And I don't mind having an excuse to eat out with him again at some point in the future.

We go through the buffet line and fill up our plates, and we're lucky enough to get a large corner booth seat where we'll have room to spread out our class notes.

We don't talk much at first, as Seth is too busy stuffing his face, and I'm surprised at how hungry I am as well. I'd eaten a late breakfast and had planned to skip lunch, but once we'd pulled into the parking lot and I'd started thinking about food, my appetite had returned.

Seth sits down with his fourth heaping-full plate of food, leaning his crutches against the edge of the booth again.

"I'll sure be glad when I can get rid of these things," he says. "They're such a pain."

"It would be more of a pain without them, wouldn't it?" I ask.

"Yeah, I guess," he says with a grin.

"How much longer will you need them?"

"My doctor suggested four to six weeks, but I'm hoping to ditch them a little sooner than that."

I take another bite of my dessert, but I realize I'm forcing it down. I'm just too full to eat anymore. I look at the remaining items on my plate, some of which I haven't even taken a bite of, and can hear my mom admonishing me not to be wasteful. Fortunately, Seth will probably be able to take care of that.

"Getting full?" Seth asks as if on cue.

"Here," I say, handing him my plate without making him come out and ask.

"Thanks," he says, taking it from me and happily popping the rest of my half-eaten brownie into his mouth.

"How do you eat so much all the time and stay so…physically fit?" I ask. It apparently all goes straight to muscle.

He shrugs. "Just good metabolism, I guess. My sister was the same way, at least up until around the time she got married."

"She didn't look at all overweight in the Christmas pictures," I tell him, surprised that he would say that about his sister. She seriously looked great in the pictures.

"No, she just has to make more of an effort now. She has to watch what she eats and exercise a lot more."

"Yeah, I guess that happens to most people as they get older," I say.

"Well, I'm enjoying it while I can," Seth says as he takes a large bite of the banana pudding I had left untouched.

He finally finishes my leftovers, and we move the dishes aside and pull out our notes. It is late enough now that most of the lunch patrons have already left the restaurant, and it's still too early for the evening meal, so no one will mind if we keep taking up a table.

"Do you know what's supposed to be on the quiz?" Seth asks.

"He just said chapter two," I tell him.

Seth flips through the chapter until he finds the last page. "Twenty-one pages," he says with a slight groan.

"Yeah, but some of them are taken up with pictures and graphs, so it wasn't too bad. You haven't read any of it yet?"

He shakes his head. "Mind if I take a few minutes to do that? You could be looking over your notes from class, and then we could both make some Megan-cards to quiz each other with. I have a pack of index cards in my backpack."

"Okay," I agree, smiling at the "Megan-cards" reference. We've never called them that before, but I know exactly what he means.

I try to look at my notes, but I keep sneaking glances up at him. His lips move ever so slightly as he reads. I could look at him all day, just admiring his facial features and wondering what it would be like if he ever kissed me.

Not that I have any experience in that area. Most of the guys in my high school were people I'd known since elementary school, and I just hadn't seen them as dating material. And although there were a few exceptions to that, the ones I'd had crushes on had never given me a second glance. Brianna had lots of advice for me on flirting and attracting a guy's attention, but despite several attempts at putting her suggestions into practice, the only one who really responded was Eli, and then he seemed to avoid me after that – he never called or texted, and I never saw him again.

I suppose part of the problem is that I seem to feel drawn to only the very best-looking guys. Guys like Seth.

But my interest in Seth not based solely on physical attraction. He is just so likable, and something about him makes me feel at ease around him despite how intimidatingly gorgeous he is. It feels like we've been friends for much longer than just a couple of weeks.

I force myself back to my notes and manage to read a full page before I look up at him again, and I'm embarrassed to see that he's caught me this time – he is also looking at me.

"Sorry," he says. "This chapter just doesn't hold my attention very well. I got lost in thought."

Oh. He wasn't looking _at_ me. He was just staring off into space, and I happened to be in the way. That definitely makes more sense.

He finally finishes the chapter and we make our "Megan-cards," and then we take turns giving each other questions. I'm a little embarrassed that I get so many of the questions wrong, but Seth misses a few too. It's definitely good that I finally remembered to bring him the book, or he probably wouldn't do well on the quiz tomorrow and it would be all my fault.

"Chloe," Seth says as he handed me the cards to put in my backpack, "do you have anyone helping you with your mom's estate, or are you trying to do it all on your own?"

"It's just me," I tell him. "I don't have any close family members left. I probably should have stayed home and finished up before coming back here. It would have been a lot easier than trying to do everything from another city."

"Bella said she offered to get you help with the legal stuff," he says. "Why don't you take her up on that? Their lawyers could probably have things taken care of in a day or two."

"Yeah, and their lawyers probably charge an arm and a leg," I tell him. "I can't afford it, and I wouldn't want them spending that kind of money on me."

"I was afraid you'd say that," he says. "To be honest, I'm sure I'd feel the same way if I were in your place. But money is nothing to them. Really. You'd think they had it growing on trees in their back yard. It would make them feel good to be able to do something to help."

I seriously doubt that. He doesn't realize how embarrassingly terrible my behavior was in lab last quarter.

"It's not like there's any real problem with the estate," I tell him. "I've just had to research what the correct process is and work my way through the red tape with the bank. I really think I have it all figured out now. I mailed another form to the bank yesterday, and they should be letting me access the accounts sometime this week."

"Well, let me know if there's anything I can do to help with that. I don't have any lawyers, but I could drive you home or make phone calls or whatever."

"Thanks. I'll let you know if anything comes up." I really doubt I'll need any help, but it's certainly nice of him to offer.

He slides the management book into his backpack, and we get up to leave. I notice that nearly all the tables are empty; I just see one elderly couple sitting at the far side of the restaurant. I check the time and it's already five o'clock in the evening. It's odd that the place is so deserted - while the lunch patrons are all long gone, I would have thought more people would be arriving for their evening meal by now.

As soon as we open the door, the icy wind hits my face. Seth is holding the door open for me, and as I step out, I realize that what had been light snow when we arrived at the restaurant had turned to freezing rain while we were inside, and the temperature has apparently dropped again. What had been slush covered in a pretty layer of snow earlier in the day is now frozen solid and coated in ice. No wonder the restaurant is nearly deserted.

I carefully take one step onto the icy sidewalk, and thinking I had managed to find firm footing, I try a second step. Both feet fly out from beneath me, but instead of hitting the ground hard, as I am expecting, I feel Seth's arm around me. He has somehow caught me and pulled me back to a standing position.

"Hold on to me," he tells me.

"I should be the one helping you," I tell him. "You're the one with crutches!"

"But I'm not the one who can't stand up," he says with a grin.

I notice that he is holding both crutches under one arm, and holding onto me with the other.

"Seth, maybe we should see if the restaurant can put down some salt. Surely they keep some on hand – they could get sued if someone falls out here."

"They should have done that _before_ it got this bad," he says. "But the car's just ten feet away. We can make it. Just put your arm around my waist; it'll be a lot easier that way."

"But what if you break your leg again?" I ask, feeling very doubtful about this.

"I won't," he insists. "Just hold on."

I finally comply and put my arm around his waist, sliding my hand inside his jacket for extra warmth. I should probably be enjoying this excuse to be so close to him, but I'm too cold to even give that much thought. I should have brought gloves. And maybe some ice skates, I think ruefully as I nearly slip again.

We take one step, and another, and another. His crutches keep making a loud sound as they hit the ice, but somehow they don't seem to be sliding around. I'm still worried he's going to reinjure that leg, but despite having told myself that I would try to help support him as we walk, it is quickly apparent that he is the one who is keeping me upright. He seems to have no trouble navigating the slippery sidewalk. I, however, slip two more times before we reach the car, and Seth manages to keep me from falling both times.

Holding onto the side of the car, I glance back and see that there is a trail of holes in the ice to the right of where Seth had been walking. I am confused for a moment until I realize that this probably explains what that loud crunching sound was when we were walking.

"Are those holes from your crutches?" I ask in amazement as he helps me into the passenger's seat.

"Yeah, I was jamming them into the ice to keep us from falling over," he says, leaning across me to put the keys in the ignition and turn on the heat.

"Well, I guess all those muscles are good for something," I say. I immediately feel embarrassed that I've once again referenced the state of semi-dress I found him in this morning. I hope I'm not making my attraction to him too obvious because I don't want to make him feel awkward - he obviously doesn't think of _me_ that way.

He just grins at me and then closes my door so he can start scraping the ice off the windshield. I feel really pathetic, sitting here protected from the wind and the icy precipitation while the guy with crutches is hobbling around on the slick pavement clearing the snow and ice off the windows. But I've already proven that I can't even stand up, so I stay put. I switch the heater to the defrost setting, hoping to help melt the ice faster, but so far the air it's putting out still feels rather cold.

Seth gets the windshield cleared off more quickly than I had expected and gets back into the driver's seat. I am amazed that he was able to do all of that without sliding or falling even once.

He immediately slips off his jacket. "Here," he says, handing it to me.

"But I already have a jacket. And you'll freeze," I protest.

"Put it over your legs. I'm fine; I promise. I always tend to feel warmer than everyone else, and I kind of worked up a sweat getting all the ice off. The air inside the car actually feels good to me."

He really does appear unaffected by the cold, whereas I am still shivering even though the vents are finally putting out warm air.

"I'm just the opposite," I tell him, accepting the jacket. "I'm always the one wearing a jacket indoors in the summer because the air conditioning makes me so cold."

I arrange the jacket over my legs, and the warmth feels amazing. I slip my hands under it as well, warming them up too.

"I'm going to take you back to your dorm, okay? You don't need to be driving in this."

"And you do?"

"I have four wheel drive and snow tires," he says. "And I'm used to driving in the snow. Besides, we're closer to the school right now than you would be if I took you back to the house first."

"Okay," I concede. "I probably won't need to leave campus before the weekend anyway, except for our Thursday study group meeting, and I'm sure I can get a ride with Taylor or Megan."

"I can come pick you up for the study group. It's at Edward's house again this week, right?"

"Yeah. And speaking of him, it seemed like you two are pretty good friends. I've never seen him that… friendly before."

Seth laughs. Actually, it's more of a snort. "What, does he act like a jerk when he teaches lab?"

"I don't know…," I say, trying to think how to word it. "It just seems like he likes being in control a little too much, and he's so formal about everything. It was like he thought he was a real professor or something."

Seth laughs again. "I can see that," he says. "He looks kind of young for his age, so he's probably trying to compensate for that in class. He's a good guy, though, if you take time to get to know him. And he's really smart – he probably knows more than some of the real professors."

"He sure can play the piano. I've never heard anything like that before. He could really be famous someday!"

"Yeah, about his piano-playing, I think he'd appreciate it if you don't mention that to anyone. It's something he only does for himself, and he only plays for his family and close friends. I don't think he meant for you to hear him play. He was probably really absorbed in the music and just didn't register hearing your car pull in."

"Really? Why would he be embarrassed about having that kind of talent?"

"I don't think he's embarrassed exactly. It's just something personal that he doesn't share with just anyone. For one thing, I think it reminds him of his biological mother. She used to play, and she gave him some lessons when he was younger."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense." I'd nearly forgotten that he had lost a parent too. Both parents, actually, and at the same time, in a car wreck, I recall. Nessie said she was only one year old when it happened, so her brother would have been about five. Of course he would remember them, even though she didn't. That must have been really hard for him, losing both parents at such a young age. I feel grateful that I had my mom for a full eighteen years – not that it was long enough, but I hadn't really thought of it from that perspective before. How different would my life have been if I'd lost her when I was five?

We pull into the parking lot behind my dorm. It has been salted, as have the sidewalks, so we have no problems getting inside.

"Would you believe that I'm hungry again already?" Seth asks sheepishly.

I laugh. After spending so much time studying, and then dealing with the ice, I feel ready for at least a snack, myself. "Actually, I could probably eat again too," I tell him. "Want to come to the cafeteria with me? They should be open for another forty-five minutes or so."

"Sounds good," he says.

As we enter the cafeteria, we meet several from our normal group on their way out.

"Hi, Chloe-and-Seth!" Michaela says, running our names together as if we were an inseparable pair. She flashes me a huge smile that seems to say, "You two sure are spending a lot of time together!"

"Hey, Michaela," I answer, giving her a look that says, "Cut it out."

"We're going up to my room to study for tomorrow's quiz," Megan says. "Adam, Dylan and Matt are coming too. You can join us later if you want."

"We studied earlier," Seth says. "I think we're okay on this one."

We get our trays and go to the now-empty table.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have answered for both of us," Seth says as we sit down.

"Huh?"

"I was talking about when Megan invited us up to her room," he clarifies. "I'm pretty sure you know the material by now, but I shouldn't have assumed you didn't want to go hang out with them. Did you want to go?"

"Oh. No, I think I've studied enough for one day," I tell him.

"I feel like I'm keeping you away from your friends," he says. "If I hadn't made you late getting back, you could have eaten with them and could have gone to the study session."

"You _are_ one of my friends," I tell him. "And we did have a study session."

This brings a smile. "You know what I mean," he says. "You've hardly seen your other friends all day."

"Don't worry about that. I spent all day yesterday with them."

"What'd you do?"

"I went shopping with Taylor, and then later a big group of us watched a movie in Adam and Dylan's room. How about you? What did you do yesterday?"

"Yesterday morning I went hiking out behind the house. There's a large wooded area back there."

"By yourself?"

"Yeah. I just enjoy being outdoors. It kinda reminds me of home," he says with a grin. "I didn't get back until early afternoon, just in time for Jake's birthday lunch."

"I had no idea it was his birthday!" I exclaim. It's odd that Nessie hadn't said anything about it.

"Well, he didn't want a big deal made out of it. They didn't invite people over or anything. But Nessie cooked him a special meal. Well, I'm sure Edward and Bella helped, because it was delicious." He laughs, obviously not having a very high opinion of Nessie's cooking ability. "And one of his sisters finally taught their dad how to use Skype, so he had a surprise video call with his dad. Then Nessie had to leave to go babysit, and Jake had a paper to work on for one of his classes, so I took that time to get my calculus homework finished, with a little help from Edward. Then we apparently stayed up all night playing that game – I lost track of time. Next thing I knew, it was one in the afternoon and you were standing there with our management book."

"Yeah, sorry for surprising you like that. Mr. Cullen didn't mention you were asleep when he let me in."

"No, no, that's okay. I think I'd had enough sleep anyway," he says with a laugh.

"So you have all your homework finished?" I ask.

"Everything except a paper for Freshman Studies, but it's not due until Tuesday afternoon. I'll write it tomorrow night. What about you? Do you have any homework left to do tonight?"

"No, I finished everything yesterday afternoon when I got back from shopping."

"So what are you doing tonight?" he asks.

"I don't know. Did you have something in mind?"

"Well, Edward and Bella are going out tonight, and Nessie's probably home from babysitting by now, and Jake hasn't seen her for a whole day, so I'm not sure I should go home yet. I was thinking, if you don't mind me hanging out here, there are some new releases out this weekend. We could watch one of those, if you haven't already seen them in the theater. There are a couple Jake said are pretty good. Or I could just go to the library and work on that freshman studies paper. You're probably tired."

"No, I'm not too tired for a movie." Actually, I am a bit tired, but the truth is I don't want to pass up an opportunity to spend more time with Seth. I feel flattered that he is inviting himself to hang out with me even though it's obviously just as friends; he has resumed keeping that careful distance from me ever since we were clear of the ice, and he's made it clear that he's only hanging around to give Jake and Ness some time alone.

We go up to my room after we finish eating. I don't have a T.V. in my room, just my laptop, so we have to watch the movie on that.

We sit on the bed with the laptop between us again, with our legs stretched out on each side of it. We're sitting a little closer together than before, but not quite touching, of course. At first it's difficult for me to concentrate on the movie with him so close to me, but after a few minutes I become engrossed enough in what is happening on the screen that I lean over against him without really even thinking about it, like I might do if I were sitting with Taylor or Michaela and got really tired. I become aware of my mistake the instant I touch him – his shoulder is much higher than what I'm used to, and he is definitely not Taylor or Michaela. How could I possibly forget I'm sitting next to Seth?!

"Sorry!" I exclaim, embarrassed, as I return myself to a more fully upright position.

"It's okay," he says with a small grin as he gives a quick glance in my direction. He sits up a little straighter also.

"Sometimes Taylor and I lean against each other if we get really tired while we're watching movies in Adam and Dylan's room," I tell him, feeling compelled to offer an explanation. There were also many, many Friday nights I spent curled up next to my mom watching made-for-TV movies, which is probably where the habit really came from, but I don't want to bring that up right now and end up crying again.

"Are you tired now?" he asks. "I should probably go and let you get some sleep."

"No, I'm fine," I insist. Even though I am a little tired, I don't want him to leave, and the movie is actually quite good.

"Okay," he says after looking at me for a moment, seeming to evaluate whether I really meant it. He grins as he adds, "But feel free to kick me out as soon as you get too tired."

"Sure," I agree, smiling at his lighthearted tone as well as the fact that kicking him out is not very likely.

We continue watching the movie, and several minutes later, I barely brush against his shoulder before realizing I'm starting to lean on him again.

"Sorry!" I mumble again, even more embarrassed this time. I _am_ rather tired, and that's definitely contributing to my absentmindedness, but I can't believe I've done that twice now!

"It's okay, really," he assures me with a chuckle. "It's fine if you want to lean over here."

He moves his arm so that it's behind me, and I scoot a little closer to take advantage of his offer. It doesn't feel like he's trying to be romantic at all – he does it in a very casual, friendly sort of way, like it's no big deal. Even though he kind of has his arm around me now, his hand is dangling off to the left, not touching me at all, and he's still focused on the movie.

I feel a little guilty knowing that I'm enjoying this more than he realizes, but it's way more comfortable than leaning against the hard concrete wall, and he doesn't seem to mind.

Somehow, even though I'm sort of snuggled up against one of the most gorgeous guys I've ever met - and I'm very aware of that - it somehow feels natural and comfortable, as if we've sat here like this dozens of times before. I manage to refocus on the movie, but I remain aware of Seth's arm resting behind me and the warmth where I'm leaning up against him. He wasn't kidding when he said he tends to be warmer than everyone else. I close my eyes for a moment, thoroughly enjoying that warmth and the feeling of being so close to him – a pleasant mix of excitement and comfort. I hope this is a long movie.

.

.

.

My alarm clock goes off, and I sit up, trying to clear the fog of sleep from my brain. The incessant beeping continues as I try unsuccessfully to hit the snooze button, and finally I force my eyes open to see that I've been fumbling with the yearbook camera instead of my alarm clock. I find the clock at the edge of table, further to the left than normal, and I finally turn it off.

I try to think what day it is. Monday. It must be Monday. I have class at 8:30 AM. Panic sets in as I realize how little time I have to get ready for class.


	10. Just Friends

**Just Friends**

~~ Monday, January 16, 2017 ~~

Groaning, I stumble out of bed and wonder why I'm still wearing my clothes from yesterday. It slowly begins to come back to me that Seth was here. We were watching a movie. He had his arm around me. Or did I dream that? No, I think it was real. I must have fallen asleep, and he apparently set my alarm for me before he left. My phone, which I'd left next to my purse, is now connected to the charger – I guess he figured out why I still have an actual alarm clock instead of just using my phone.

Curious, I quickly check my laptop, which has been returned to my desk, and I find that the movie is paused at the twenty-three minute mark. I guess I didn't last long. How embarrassing. The current time at the corner of the computer screen catches my eye, and I feel a fresh wave of panic – only twenty-four minutes until class starts. I normally give myself more time to get ready, as waking up is always a slow process for me. I grab my bathroom stuff and rush off to take a super-fast shower.

I make it to my first class about a minute late with my wet hair pulled back in a ponytail. Fortunately, my professor doesn't arrive until a few seconds after I do. I guess even professors sometimes have trouble getting started in the mornings.

I have a free period before my next class, so I stop in the library to look over my notes before the management quiz. I'm surprised to see Jake and Nessie there. They have an 8:30 class too, but our business classes are the only ones we have together, and I normally don't see them until time for the management class.

"Hey, Chloe!" Nessie whispers loudly, enthusiastically waving me over to their table. Her hair looks perfect, as always, and she's wearing yet another new, expensive-looking outfit. I still marvel that she was ever interested in being friends with someone as average as me. She could seriously be a model, with her flawless skin, gorgeous chocolate-brown eyes, and amazing smile. I had expected her to blow me off when I first invited her to the study group at the beginning of the school year. I'm glad she's turned out to be such a good friend.

"Hi," I answer, pulling up a chair. "Studying for the quiz next period?"

"Yeah, Seth didn't bother to remind me until I was leaving this morning," Jake complains.

"Like it's his job to remind you of that," Nessie says, laughing. "I reminded you before I left to babysit. You were the one who was supposed to remind Seth!"

"So was he with you all day yesterday?" Jake asks, turning to me.

"Not _all_ day," I tell him. "He apparently slept the first half of the day." On the floor. With you. "But yeah, we studied together yesterday. We made Megan-cards, if you want to borrow them."

"Megan-cards?" he asks with a laugh as I hand them to him. "So what's the deal with you two? Are you like a couple now?"

I can feel my face turning red. I've never been embarrassed to talk about guys I liked in the past, but this is the first time that I've really, _really_ liked a guy, so this is different. And Jake is one of Seth's best friends, so he'll probably tell Seth whatever I say.

"We're just friends," I insist, hoping that they can't hear in my voice how much I wish we could be more.

"Are you sure?" Nessie asks.

"Why, did he say something?" I ask, genuinely confused. I'm sure Taylor wouldn't have blabbed already.

"No, but I've noticed he's been spending a lot of time with you lately."

"Well, I'm pretty sure he just wants to be friends," I assure her. Especially if he hasn't said anything to her or Jake about liking me. This is just Nessie wanting to play matchmaker. "But we _have_ become pretty good friends lately," I add.

Nessie raises her eyebrows.

"He's easy to talk to and fun to be around," I say with a shrug, forcing myself to sound casual. "And we're sharing textbooks so we end up seeing each other a lot."

Jake and Nessie exchange a look.

"What? What does that look mean?" I ask.

"Nothing," they both answer together, but their smiles tell me they think otherwise.

I remember leaning against Seth last night before I fell asleep and how comfortable and relaxed I felt with him. I think of how he put his arm around me. It had felt very casual and innocent, but maybe he _did_ want to be more than friends? No, that's silly. A guy like him? He probably has a girlfriend back home, anyway – either Claire or someone else. He was just being a good friend last night, letting me get comfortable because he could see I was tired. Because that's the kind of guy he is – always thinking of others. And if he wants to be friends, I don't want to mess that up.

"Well, are we going to study for this quiz, or not?" I ask, ready to leave this subject.

"Sure, sure," says Jake, and Nessie takes the Megan cards from him and starts shuffling them.

We study for a while since we still have about forty-five minutes until time for class. Nessie has obviously studied already, probably while she was babysitting, so it's mainly the two of us drilling Jake.

"Have you two looked over the example he put on the class wiki?" Nessie asks after we've gone through the cards three times.

"What example?" I ask, beginning to panic. I have no idea what she's talking about, and Seth probably hasn't studied it either. Why didn't I pay better attention in class on Friday?

"Dr. Baxter made some PowerPoint slides showing different types of businesses with various levels of uncertainty and how they cope in different environments. We still have fifteen minutes, if you want to look it up," she says, pulling her tablet out of her purse and handing it to me.

"Thanks," I say, feeling a little relieved already. That was pretty well covered in the chapter we read, but it certainly won't hurt to see some specific examples that may possibly end up on the quiz.

I turn on the device, and there are two alerts showing up. "Um, it looks like you have texts from Billy and Claire," I tell Nessie, handing it back to her.

"What does Dad want?" Jake asks, sliding his hand down her arm as he leans closer to peer over her shoulder.

"They're old messages. I already responded from my phone," she tells him. "The one from Billy was about the plans for your birthday last weekend."

"Is Claire someone here at Dartmouth?" I ask, wondering if it's the same one who called Seth.

"No, she's a friend from back home," she answers, essentially confirming my suspicions. She sounds as though this information is of no importance, but I don't miss the odd look on Jake's face when I said her name.

I wish I could ask Nessie if she's Seth's girlfriend. Or ex-girlfriend. Or wanna-be girlfriend. Or soon-to-be girlfriend. Or soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend. But I don't think there's any way I can ask without sounding jealous, and they're both already suspicious. Nessie or Jake might say something to Seth, and what would he think if he knew how much I wished we could be a couple? He'd probably worry that he would be leading me on if he kept spending time with me, and he might feel like he needed to break off our friendship so as not to give me false hope. And that's the last thing I'd ever want to happen.

Nessie passes me the tablet again, and I pull up the presentation and force myself to focus on it so that I can pass it on to Jake in time for him to look over it too.

A few minutes later, we arrive in class, and Seth is already there. I take my normal seat in the front row, directly in front of him, with Nessie to my left and Jake directly behind her. Over the past week or so, the class seems to have settled into a routine with regards to the seating arrangement, and this is how we've ended up.

"Sorry about last night," I whisper, turning and leaning over his desk slightly. "I didn't think I'd fall asleep."

"No problem," he whispers back. "I could tell you were tired. I shouldn't have invited myself over. Did you get caught up on your sleep?"

"I must have slept twelve or thirteen hours, and I still had trouble getting out of bed when the alarm went off," I tell him, laughing. "Thanks for setting the alarm."

"No problem."

Class starts, and the quiz turns out to be much easier than I expected. We definitely over-studied for that one.

Afterward, we eat lunch in the cafeteria with our normal group. Seth seems the same as always - friendly and attentive but careful not to invade my personal space. He doesn't mention anything else about last night, like how I fell asleep with his arm around me or how he somehow managed to move me so that I was under the covers instead of sitting on top of them. I guess it was no big deal.

Seth heads off to his next class, and I go up to my room to organize my notes from this morning's classes. I know I won't see him for the rest of the day, since this is Monday - there are no planned group activities, I'm not in his last class, and I've got to go to work soon anyway. But after spending most of yesterday with him, it feels too quiet now. And I miss him.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm posting two more chapters tonight. The next one is even shorter than this one, but the one after it is more substantial (and has Seth in it). :)**


	11. Phone Call

**Phone Call**

~~ Tuesday, January 17, 2017 ~~

" _Seth Clearwater."_

"Seth? This is Chloe, -."

" _Hey, Chloe! What's up?"_

"I had a phone call from my mom's bank this afternoon. They have everything they need now, except that I need to sign some documents. And they said she had a safe deposit box, and I'd like to pick up those contents, so it would be best if I could drive home to take care of everything in person. Do you think the roads have improved enough now that I could drive my car?" I ask. It's a not-so-subtle hint that I need my car back – it's still at the Cullens' house where I left it on Sunday.

" _The roads are mostly clear now, at least around here. But I'm not sure how they are in the area you're driving to. I can drive you. When did you want to go?"_

"I was going to skip class in the morning since it's a three hour drive, and I want to make sure I get there before the bank closes. So it's probably best if go by myself - I don't want to make you to miss class."

" _Hey, you're talking to the professional class-cutter, remember?"_

"You think Dr. Baxter will excuse you when you tell him your mom's on the tribal council?"

" _Probably not. But we can get notes for his class from Jake or Nessie, and I'm really not worried about my other classes either. I'll drive you. Unless you just really want to do this alone?"_

"No, it would be nice to have company. I just don't want you to get behind in your classes because of me."

" _What time would you like to leave? Eight o'clock?"_

"How about nine? I need that last hour of sleep, and we'll still get there by lunch time."

" _Okay, then. I'll be there at nine. How's everything going right now?"_

"Everything's fine. It'll just be a relief to get this all worked out at the bank."

" _I'm sure it will."_

"Yeah."

" _Well, take care, and I'll see you in the morning."_

"'kay. Bye."


	12. Going Home

**Going Home**

~~ Wednesday, January 18, 2017 9 AM ~~

"Good morning!" Seth says as I walk into the lobby. He is sprawled across the couch that's there by the TV, and with his huge grin and his relaxed posture he looks every bit the part of the kid who is planning to spend the day skipping class.

"Hi," I say, unable to keep from smiling back at him. "I brought you some doughnuts from the cafeteria."

His eyes get larger as I hand them to him.

"Glazed?" he asks.

"Yep. And one with cherry filling."

"Thanks!" He takes a big bite of the glazed doughnut. "You ready?"

We head out to his car and are soon headed south on the interstate. Going home to handle estate issues with Seth at the wheel feels so different from my last trip down this road when I was on my way to spend time with my sick mother. It's hard to believe that was only a month ago.

"The last time I went home, it was the beginning of winter break," I remark. "I rode with my cousin, Dalton, and I was excited about getting home and seeing my mom. Everything feels so different now."

"I know it must feel weird for you, going home again," Seth says. "This isn't the same thing, but I remember how strange it felt when Mom and Charlie first got married, and she moved in with him and decided to sell our house. I stayed with friends until I finished high school because I didn't want to transfer to Forks High, but I'd go check on the house sometimes, and it was just so weird with nobody living there."

"Yeah, it's like the house I grew up in isn't home anymore. It's still there, and I own it, or I will once all this probate stuff is taken care of, but without Mom there it'll never really be 'home' again. It just feels so empty."

Seth nods. "Even when I was still living there with Mom and Leah, things weren't the same after Dad died. There was still a sense of emptiness even with three of us still living there. Then when Leah went off to college and Mom moved in with Charlie, I lost the rest of what made the house "home." So I understand what you mean about the house, but it's still not the same because my mom just lives somewhere else now."

"Yeah. It's not just that the house is empty; it's that there's nothing tying me to 'home' anymore, nothing connecting me to what's left of my family. Sometimes I feel like I'm disconnected, just floating along, not rooted anywhere." I glance over at Seth, wondering if I'm making sense. That probably sounded stupid. It's a thought I've had a few times before, but I hadn't planned on sharing it with anyone; it's weird hearing myself say it out loud.

Without taking his eyes from the road, Seth reaches for my hand and gives a gentle squeeze that tells me he understands. And I think he really does. And he cares. I blink rapidly and swallow to fight the moisture that's gathering in my eyes. I steal a glance at his hand covering mine, and even his hand is attractive. Like his personality, it's strong, but so gentle. Why does he have to be so good-looking? I'm hit with that familiar stab of guilt, and I suddenly become aware that my hand is sweaty. I look out the window at the trees whizzing by; I seem to have stifled the tears, but now I feel my face turning red for a different reason. Why do my hands have to start sweating now?

His hand slips away from mine and returns to the steering wheel. "Do you think you'll keep the house?" he asks.

"I haven't decided yet," I say, mortified that he must have noticed my sweaty hands but thankful for the new topic. "I kind of hate to sell it – I've lived my whole life in that house – but I'm pretty sure I'm never going to move back, so it doesn't make much sense to keep it."

"Have you ever thought about renting it out?"

"No, I hadn't," I say, wondering why this hasn't occurred to me before. "That actually might be a good idea. I wouldn't have to give it up completely, and I could turn it into a source of income."

"You just need to make sure you find good renters – you know, people who won't trash the place and will actually pay the rent on time."

"Yeah, that'll be the hard part. It'll be a while before I'm ready to actually rent or it sell it though. I've still got to go through all the things in the house and decide what to sell and what to put in storage, and there are also some things that will need to be fixed first."

"What needs fixing?"

"I don't think there's anything major, just small things that Mom never got around to having done. There's a problem where some water would leak onto the countertop whenever we ran the dishwasher – not a lot, but enough that we had to put a dishtowel there to keep it from dripping onto the floor. And some of the closet doors in the bedrooms don't close properly, and there are a couple of rooms where the blinds are messed up."

"That doesn't sound too bad. It shouldn't take much to fix those things."

"I hope not." Mom always hated spending money on repairs, and now that I'm responsible for it, I kind of feel the same way. I'll be spending money on things I won't even be around to use since someone else will be living there if I sell or rent it. I just wish stuff wouldn't break.

"So tell me about your cousin," Seth says. "You said his name is Dalton?"

"Yeah. He's a senior at the University of Vermont. So when he's driving to or from home, it's only about ten minutes out of his way to stop by Dartmouth. I really appreciated the ride, but the guy talks incessantly. Seriously, he never stops. Both times that I rode with him, I was so exhausted by the time he dropped me off."

"So, I take it he's not your favorite person?" he says with a grin.

"I actually don't know him very well. We've just never spent much time together. I think he's a second cousin or something like that. Mom arranged for him to bring me home for winter break since she wasn't really up to making the drive herself. She had originally asked him if he could drive me home for Thanksgiving, but he stayed in Vermont that weekend."

"He didn't go home for Thanksgiving?" he asks, obviously finding this strange.

"I don't think he gets along with his parents very well."

"So how'd you get home?"

"Nessie arranged for me to borrow Bella's car."

"That's good. Did you spend Thanksgiving with just your mom, or did you all have a bigger family gathering?"

"We don't really have a big family to gather with. Mom didn't have any siblings. When I was really young, we used to go to my great-grandmother's house for Thanksgiving, but she died when I was about five, and the extended family doesn't really get together anymore. So it was just Mom and me, like it usually is. But this was the first time I tried to do the cooking."

"How'd that turn out?"

"Pretty well. Mom helped some and talked me through what I needed to do. You probably had a big family gathering, right?"

"Not as big as it used to be. When I was a kid and my grandmother was still alive, the whole family used to get together – all the aunts, uncles, and cousins. By the time I was a teenager it got so big that it was literally hard to fit everyone into one house. This past year, Edward and Bella hosted at the house they have in La Push. So they were there along with Jake and Nessie, and Mom and Charlie were there, and Leah with her husband and the baby.

"Even that sounds like a pretty big group to me. You're lucky to have such a close family. I bet you all get along with each other too, don't you?"

"Mostly." He grins and shrugs. "We've had our share of problems like any family, I guess. Leah doesn't care much for Edward and Bella, but she's starting to come around. She was there this time, and she managed not to make any snide remarks, so that was definitely progress."

I wonder what his sister has against the Cullens, but it would seem too nosy if I asked. I can easily see how Mr. Cullen could make her uncomfortable, but his wife doesn't seem that bad. Maybe Leah just didn't want her mother to remarry and didn't want a step-sister.

"Don't get me wrong," Seth continues. "I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining about my sister. She's had a lot of stressful things to deal with in the last few years, and she has her reasons for feeling like she does. And Edward and Bella understand, so they've been good about giving her some space. But Leah's a lot happier now that she has Cody and Sophie, and it was really nice having our whole blended family together for once."

"It does sound nice," I agree. I kind of wish I could have been a part of a larger family like that. But I've never had a big family, and it's so hard to imagine having one that I'm not sure I know what I've been missing. It would have been really weird if Mom had ever remarried. I don't think I would have had a problem with it if she had ever met the right man, but she had never even dated.

Seth glances over at me, and I think he's worried that he might have upset me somehow by talking about his large, happy family. I smile at him to let him know I'm okay, thankful that I had managed not to let that series of thoughts take me into an overly emotional state. I now truly appreciate all those Thanksgivings I spent with only my mom, and I don't think I've really missed out on anything.

"You have a great smile," he says.

"I do?" I'm not sure what to make of the random compliment.

"Yeah." He puts on his turn signal and looks in his rear view mirror as we merge onto another road.

"You have a pretty nice smile too," I tell him. "But you've probably been told that a lot – you're always smiling."

"My mom might have mentioned it a time or two," he says, looking just a little embarrassed as he glances over at me with a grin.

I'm sure a lot more people have noticed it than just his mom.

We make it to my hometown in just under two and a half hours. I had not paid any attention to our speed, but apparently Seth has a bit of a lead foot.

We decide to stop for lunch at a fast food place before going to the bank. Seth eats two super-sized meals, plus my leftovers. As we're finishing up, he excuses himself for a moment, and I assume he's just gone to the restroom, but he comes back with two large milkshakes.

"How'd you know this was my favorite flavor?" I ask after taking a sip.

"Lucky guess?" he says with a grin. "I figured you'd have to like it since it has chocolate in it."

I'm finishing the milkshake when I look up and notice that Seth is looking right at me. Maybe it's my imagination, but for a moment, I think I can see what Taylor was talking about the other day - there's something about the way he's looking at me, something almost reverent. It reminds me of the way Jake looks at Nessie sometimes.

Then he smiles sheepishly and says, "Sorry. My mind was wandering again. Were you ready to go?"

"Were you staring at me?" I ask before I can think to filter my questions. I think I sound more accusatory than I had intended.

"Maybe," he says. He's smiling, but his eyes are intense. Whoa. Is he actually _flirting_ with me?

"Why?" I ask, carefully returning his smile.

"Why wouldn't I stare at the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on?" he says. He sounds serious, and the intensity of his expression has definitely jumped up a notch.

My heart skips a beat, and I am completely at a loss for words. I just stare at him like an idiot.

"C'mon," he says with a chuckle, jostling me with his arm and indicating with a tilt of his head that we should head to the car. His eyes are smiling now, the intensity gone. The moment is over, and we throw our empty milkshake cups in the trash. Had he only been joking?

That must be it, I think as I follow him back to the car. He was just trying to be funny. He probably intended the line to sound corny and had expected me to laugh. He has no idea how much I'd love to hear him say those words and really mean them.

I direct him to the bank, which is just three traffic lights away, and neither of us makes any reference to what he said earlier. I almost wonder if I imagined it. Seth seems at ease, like it never happened, and we continue normal conversation, with me directing him to the bank and him commenting on things that we're passing.

We pull into the parking lot, which is not very full.

"Should I wait out here, or would you like me to go in with you?" Seth asks as he cuts off the ignition.

"You can come if you want," I tell him. I'm perfectly capable of handling this on my own, but I see no reason to make him wait out here by himself.

It feels weird to be going inside the bank. Mom always went through the drive-through, and I'm not sure if I'd ever even been inside before I stopped by near the end of winter break to find out what I needed to do about Mom's accounts.

I recognize the girl behind the counter – her name is Sammi and she's my age, though we had very few classes together in high school and hadn't talked much in the last few years. Our moms used to get together for us to have play dates when we were about five or six, but as we grew up we seemed to have fewer and fewer common interests. It seems weird to see her working at the bank.

As I get to the counter, another lady comes up next to Sammi and speaks to me.

"I was just shocked to hear about Stacy," she says, referring to my mom.

"Yeah, her cancer spread really quickly," I say. "It's hard to believe she's gone." I glance at the lady's nametag. Her name is Crystal, and I don't remember ever hearing of her before, but she looks about Mom's age. They probably went to school together. There are only two high schools in our little town, so the chances are pretty high.

She looks at me with pity in her eyes and says, "Well, I've got the papers you need to sign right here."

"Sorry about your mom," Sammi says awkwardly.

"Thanks."

I start signing the papers to close out the accounts and have the funds transferred to the new account I'd set up with the bank my credit card was through. It will be a lot easier when I can manage all of this online in one place.

"May I help you, sir?" Sammi asks, peering around me to speak to Seth.

"Oh, I'm with Chloe," Seth says dismissively.

I see the surprise that briefly registers on Sammi's face. Of course she would not be expecting the studious Chloe Thompson, who never had much of a social life in high school, to show up with a guy - much less a guy like Seth. But now she probably assumes he's my boyfriend. Rumors about my tall, dark, and handsome boyfriend are sure to be running rampant through this town before the end of the day. Oh well; there are certainly worse rumors that could be spread about me.

I finish signing the papers and hand them to Sammi. She completes the transaction on her computer and prints a confirmation for me.

"There's supposed to be a safe deposit box, too," I tell her. "Do you know what I need to do for that?"

"Crystal's getting the key right now," she says.

Crystal comes around to our side of the counter and leads us to the basement where the safe deposit boxes are located. She opens the one of them, after making a point of showing me that the number matches the one on my mother's records, and then she empties the contents into a large manila envelope and hands it to me.

"That's everything," she says. "We're sorry to lose your business, but we certainly understand. Good luck with school, and come back and visit us sometime, okay?"

"Thanks," I tell her, noting that the envelope is heavier than I expected and wondering what is inside.

Seth and I go back to the car, and I decide I want to stop by the house and open the envelope there. I have no idea what is in it, and I'd rather be in a less public place when I find out.

"So do you know everybody in town?" Seth asks after I've given him directions on how to get to my house.

"No, I don't even know who that lady was. She must've gone to school with my mom or something. The other girl went to high school with me, but I didn't know her very well."

"La Push is pretty small too," he tells me as we pull out of the bank parking lot. "I know pretty much everybody there. I kind of liked growing up in a community where everyone knew each other."

"Yeah, I guess there are advantages and disadvantages," I say.

"You didn't like it here?" he asks, looking slightly surprised.

"Well, it's home. Or it was. I never hated it here, but I'm a lot happier at college. I just wanted a fresh start in a new place, where people don't already expect you to behave in a certain way, you know?"

"So how did people expect you to behave here?" he asks.

I shrug. It's kind of hard to explain. "Well, like I told you earlier, I didn't have much of a social life in high school. It was partly because of my curfew, and partly because everybody seemed to view me as this super-smart person who never did anything but study. But it was sort of a vicious cycle, because the main reason I studied so much was because I didn't have anything better to do. And I never got invited to do things after school since people either knew I wasn't allowed out that late or assumed I wouldn't be interested."

"Let me guess," he says, glancing over at me. "You felt like you didn't fit in during high school."

He is grinning, and he obviously means it in a good-natured way, but the words cut because they hit too close to home. "I kind of did, and I kind of didn't," I answer. "I had friends, but they weren't super-close friends, and since I hardly ever saw them outside of school, I felt like I wasn't really as much a part of the group as everyone else."

"I think everybody feels like that, at least at times," he says.

"Are you saying _you_ didn't feel like you fit in at high school?" I ask. The idea seems absurd, but his tone of voice implies that he is including himself. He just seems like the kind of guy who would have been incredibly popular. With his good looks, his disarming grin, and his knack for always saying the right thing, how could he not have been?

"Well, yeah," he says, as if this should have been obvious. "I think most people do. For me, it was because my closest friends were mostly older than I was. There were a few who were younger, but none the same age. And I was always busy with them after school, so I never really spent much time with kids in my own class. I think my situation was kind of the opposite of yours – my social life was mainly after school, and I wasn't very involved with school activities at all."

"So you didn't like school?" I ask.

He shrugs. "I went to my classes, well, most of them." He flashes a mischievous grin. "And my grades were pretty good. But I never really got into the social aspects of high school. All the teenage drama of who was dating whom, the sports teams and clubs and such – I just never got into that. I was waiting for the bell to ring at the end of the day so I could be outdoors and spend time with my friends."

"I would have thought that you would have been really popular in high school. You just seem so friendly and outgoing, and you're always smiling. You're the type of person that everybody likes to be around."

"People weren't mean to me or anything," he says. "I certainly don't think I was disliked. But I still felt a little like an outsider, like I didn't really have much in common with the other kids in my class."

"And you really think everybody feels that way?"

"Yeah. Some more than others, I'm sure. People tend to imagine that everybody else has an easier time fitting in than they do, but everybody is different, and each person has their own problems and things that make them unique. I know one guy who seemed to be one of the most popular kids in his class, but when I got to know him better, I learned that he felt different because his mom was from the Makah tribe. And he didn't know who his dad was, so he felt 'different' and left out whenever people would mention their fathers. So even though he was definitely a part of our group and also seemed popular in school, he still had a feeling of not belonging. The way people perceive themselves, or the way they think others perceive them, is not always in line with how others actually see them."

"Yeah, I guess so," I say, although as I think of various people from my high school, I find it difficult to imagine that they ever felt like outsiders.

"There was this one girl in my class who had severe acne," he continues, "and even though she controlled it pretty well with medication, she seemed to think that people didn't like her because of it. Another guy had an older brother who was in prison, and he felt like people judged him because of that. And there was a girl in my class who had a medical condition that caused her to lose all of her hair, and she was terrified someone would find out that she wore a wig."

"And these people all confided in you about their problems?" I ask.

"Well the first one did, sort of. He's one of my best friends and our whole group just doesn't have many secrets from each other. The others I all overheard accidentally. I seem to have unusually good hearing," he says, glancing over at me. "Most people seem to try really hard to fit in with their peers, and I think few people truly feel like they fit in the way the rest of us imagine that they do."

"It sounds like you've given this subject a lot of thought."

"I did a sociology report on it when I was at WSU," he says. "But those examples were all from high school – they were things I had noticed but hadn't really thought about until I took that sociology class."

"What about Nessie?" I ask. "I can't imagine that _she_ would ever worry about fitting in."

"I know for a fact that she does," he says. "I've heard her talk about it."

"But why?" I ask. "Was she worried people would hate her because she looks so perfect?"

Seth laughs.

"Oh!" I exclaim, suddenly remembering what she told me when I visited her the night I returned to school. "Is it because of her mother?" She had apparently worried enough about what people would think about her mother's prison record that she had lied about how she died.

"Not exactly," he says, beginning to sound a little uncomfortable. "It's something I'm pretty sure she hasn't told you about yet, but it's not really my secret to share."

"Oh. That's okay; I didn't mean to be asking about something she wouldn't want us talking about. It just seems like everything is so easy for her, and she has so many friends."

"So do _you_ feel like you fit in here at Dartmouth?" he asks.

"I do. A lot more than in high school, anyway. I feel like I have more in common with the people I've met here, and I love living on campus where I see my friends all the time instead of just in the classroom. And I'm definitely not the smartest person in my class anymore. I just feel like I blend in more here, in a good way. What about you? You certainly don't seem like you've had any problems fitting in here."

"I still kinda feel like the new guy, since I transferred here in the middle of the year. But you've all been really great about welcoming me into your group, and I really like it here," he says. He pauses, and then, in a voice that sounds like his mind is somewhere else, he adds, "I really feel like I've found where I belong."

I want to ask what he means by that, but something makes me hesitate, and I realize we're almost at my house.

"It's this house with the big tree in front," I tell him, pointing.

We pull into the drive, and my mind returns to the large envelope in my hands. I can feel something hard in it, and it's kind of lumpy. I wonder what Mom had that was so important she kept it at the bank.


	13. Handyman

**Handyman**

~~ Wednesday, January 18, 2017 – 1 PM ~~

"So you grew up here?" Seth asks, glancing around as we get out of the car.

"Yeah," I answer, wondering what he thinks about it. It's not exactly a fancy neighborhood, but the place isn't a dump either.

It feels weird walking up to the front door of the house I've lived in all of my life with a friend from college, knowing it's empty inside. It still seems like Mom should be in there, standing in the kitchen washing dishes or something. I never understood what she had against using the dishwasher.

"Sorry about the mess," I tell Seth as I unlock and open the door. "I was sorting through papers and things in the house, thinking I was going to try to get everything taken care of here before going back to school, and then I changed my mind. So I just left everything where it was and packed and left."

"No problem," he says. "I can go check out those closet doors you mentioned while you look to see what was in the safe deposit box."

"It's the ones in here," I tell him, gesturing toward a bedroom door, "and then the last room at the end of the hall."

I step over the piles of partially sorted papers and folders in the living room while Seth heads off down the hall. I sit down at the kitchen table and slide the contents out of the envelope.

I instantly recognize the small stack of CDs and DVDs that contain thousands of pictures from my infancy and childhood. There's an identical stack on the shelf of Mom's computer desk; these are the backup copies.

A small box catches my eye, and I open it to find her engagement ring and wedding ring. I had kind of wondered what she had done with those after Dad left. I'm a little surprised she didn't just sell them.

I sift through some small envelopes with documents inside. Most are things of importance, like the deed to the house and an extra copy of her insurance policies, but are not particularly exciting. One small insurance policy I hadn't previously been aware of catches my eye; I'll need to add that one to my list of estate tasks.

At the bottom of the stack of envelopes, I find a single, folded piece of lined notebook paper. I open it, and it is filled with Mom's handwriting. It is a letter to me, dated shortly after my visit for Thanksgiving. I begin reading, and I can hear her voice inside my head. I imagine her sitting right here at this table, writing this and knowing that I won't read it until after she's gone. She was probably wearing that hideous purple nightgown she loved so much, the one I bought her for Christmas when I was nine. I wipe the building moisture from my eyes and blink back the tears, determined not to cry. I look away from the paper for a moment and listen to the sounds of Seth working on the closet doors as I try to calm myself. I can do this.

I continue reading, and the note contains no shocking revelations – just things like reminders that she loves me, her confidence that I'll be successful at whatever I do, her desire for me to be happy, and one of her typical, guilt-trip-laced admonitions to manage the money wisely. I turn the paper over to read the last few lines and learn that the rings had belonged to her grandmother – so that's why she kept them.

The note ends with, "I love you, Chloe," followed by one of her silly smiley-faces, the kind she always put at the end of all her notes. It's almost like she's here in the room with me, and as I stare at that smiley-face, I can feel my emotions spiraling out of control. I haven't cried much in the last few days; apparently I've been saving up for right now. There's no point in even trying to hold it back. I give in to the tears and am soon overcome with full-blown heaving sobs. I somehow have the presence of mind to push the documents out of the way so that I won't get them wet, and I sit there with my head in my hands.

I hear Seth's voice as he enters the room. "I hate that you have to go through this," he says helplessly. "I just wish there was something I could do."

I wish there was, too, but at the moment, the grief is too overwhelming to even lift my head. Part of me wishes he hadn't come here with me today because he's seeing me fall apart like this yet again. Oh well; I guess he's used to it by now.

He steps closer and starts lightly rubbing his hand across my back. It actually feels like he's trying to rub the pain away. If only things were that easy.

"Hey," he says softly.

I manage to look up at him, and through the blurriness of my tears I can see that he has leaned his crutches against one of the kitchen chairs and is holding his arms out to me.

I manage to stand up, and I am assaulted by even more emotions as his arms slide around me and pull me against his chest - grief and attraction and guilt and hopelessness and regret all swirling together, chasing one another and amplifying my pain, even as I draw comfort from the embrace.

The last time he held me like this, we barely knew each other. Now, I think I've fallen in love with him. And even though it's unlikely he'll ever feel the same way, at least he cares enough as a friend to come here with me today, and he's standing here trying to comfort me.

Mom's letter and that smiley face keep invading my thoughts, and the tears won't stop. Reading such a recent note and holding it in my hand at the very table where she probably wrote it make her seem so close, and yet she's _never_ coming back. I also keep thinking about how patient and caring Seth is, how I wish Mom could have met him, and how I should have taken time off from school to be with her, how unfair it is that she had cancer in the first place.

I'm not sure how long I've been standing here holding onto Seth. I've got to stop focusing on all these emotional things if I'm going to get control of myself. Seth is still holding me close, and he smells so good. He's still rubbing my back, and I cry more just thinking about how _nice_ he is. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly, trying to calm myself, but my breathing is still ragged.

"It's okay, let it out," Seth says gently. "We can stand here as long as we need to."

This, of course, makes me cry even more. I don't see how he can be so patient and understanding. I've made a lot of friends in college, but I can't imagine anyone but Seth or Nessie being truly interested in what I'm going through right now. Taylor is a lot of fun to hang out with, and I still consider her one of my best friends, but I've been realizing lately that we've never had any truly deep conversations. She seems to feel awkward whenever there is any mention of my mom, and I understand that; she's never been through what I'm going through right now. Besides, she's too carefree and upbeat to stop and dwell on anything as depressing as death.

Focusing my thoughts on Taylor seems to be distracting me from my emotional state, so I purposefully concentrate on her enthusiastic smile, her love of meeting new people, and her constant eagerness to do something "new." It seems to be helping, so I continue distracting myself by trying to think about other friends I've made at college. Eventually, my breathing becomes more even, and I am growing more and more aware of the warmth of Seth's hands moving soothingly against my back.

"Want me to get you some tissues?" he asks.

I nod, knowing he'll feel the motion against his chest – I'm afraid that if I try to talk I'll end up crying again. I don't want Seth to let go of me, but I definitely need some tissues.

"I saw some in that first bedroom," he says, picking up his crutches. "I'll be right back."

I sit back down in the chair at the kitchen table, and he returns with the box of tissues and sits down across from me.

"Well, the closet doors are fixed," he says, as if nothing unusual had just happened and we had been talking about home repairs all along. "They just needed a little adjustment."

"Thanks. Those have been messed up for years," I say, thankful not just for his help with the doors, which seem rather insignificant right now, but more for his ability to not be awkward about what just happened and his obvious effort to move us to a non-emotional topic. I make use of the tissues, wiping my eyes and attempting to dab at my nose in a non-disgusting manner.

"No problem. Did you have other things you were going to do here at the house? I was thinking I could take a look at that dishwasher problem if you think we have enough time."

He briefly turns to look at the dishwasher behind him, and I take advantage of his back being turned to make more aggressive use of my tissues.

"You think you can fix _that_?" I ask, surprised. "You do appliance repair?"

"I used to go with my dad when he would repair things for the elderly around the res, and I've helped Jake's dad with some things at his house. The dishwasher probably just has a clog somewhere. It shouldn't be too hard to figure out."

"Well, I think we have time, if you want to try it. Unless you need to get back home?"

"No, I've got the whole day free. But I thought you worked in the alumni office in the afternoons – you don't need to get back for that?"

"I explained to them yesterday that I needed to be out of town because of some things with my mom's estate, and they said it was fine if I missed a day."

"And you don't have much homework tonight?"

"I stayed up late and got it all done last night."

"How much sleep did you get?" he asks, looking concerned.

"Five hours."

"Why don't you take a nap while I work on the dishwasher?"

"That sounds really appealing," I admit. All of the crying has left me even more exhausted than I was before. And even though Seth is too kind to say anything, I know I look awful. After an episode like that, it will probably take at least an hour before I start to lose the splotchy redness in my face, the puffy eyelids, and the bloodshot eyes. Even if I don't actually fall asleep, a "nap" is the perfect excuse to go hide for a while and allow my face to hopefully return to normal.

"You said it leaks onto the countertop, right?" he asks.

"Yeah, I think it comes out of this thing that sticks up next to the faucet."

"The air gap," he says, nodding as if this confirmed what he had been suspecting. "Where are your tools? Do you have a pipe snake?"

"Dad took all of that kind of stuff when he left," I tell him, not even sure what a 'pipe snake' is. "There are some basic things like a hammer and screwdrivers in that bottom drawer in the kitchen, but that's all we've got. Mom always had to hire someone for repairs. But she didn't like spending the money, so that's why a lot of it isn't fixed yet."

"Well, you take a nap, and I'll run to the hardware store and get what I need. I saw one on our way here."

"You're going to _buy_ tools?"

"I can always use more tools," he insists. "Don't worry about it."

"Well, if you want to," I say, relenting. It's not worth arguing over, and if he wants to buy himself tools, I guess I can't really stop him anyway. "Can you wake me up in a couple of hours if I'm not up yet?"

"Sure. Get some sleep."

He leaves, and I go to my old bedroom, crawl into bed, and set my phone to wake me up. I'm expecting to have trouble falling asleep, because that's usually what happens when I know I only have time for a short nap, but the next thing I know, I'm waking up to that annoying alarm on my phone.

I stop in the bathroom and brush my teeth. I'm still a little tired, but at least I no longer look like I've been crying. I freshen up a little and then find Seth in the kitchen, still working on the dishwasher.

"Have a good nap?" he asks without taking his head out of the cabinet under the sink.

"Yeah. I feel a lot better now. Any luck with the dishwasher?"

"The leak is fixed. I'm working on the faucet now. It wasn't turning right."

"Oh. Yeah, that's been loose forever. I didn't even think to mention it. We actually had somebody look at it one time, and he couldn't get it to work."

"I think I see what's wrong," he says, banging loudly against something under the sink. "I didn't want to try this until you woke up because I knew it'd be loud. I've almost got it now."

"I really appreciate you fixing all of this," I tell him. That will certainly be a few less things for me to worry about before I try to sell it or rent it.

"I was thinking, while you were asleep – were any of the utilities being paid automatically from any of those accounts you closed today?"

I draw in a quick breath and have a moment of panic as I realize he's right. "Yes. All of them. How did I not think of that?"

"Can you call them and get the billing changed? Or you could just let some of them be shut off, if you're not going to be living here."

"I think I want to keep everything on for now. It shouldn't cost much with nobody living here. But it might be better if I could stop by the local offices – they may need to see the probate papers to get the name changed, and I'll probably have to sign something."

Seth pulls his head out of the cabinet and digs in his pocket for his keys. "You want to do that while I'm finishing up here?" he says, handing them to me.

"Sure, thanks," I say, feeling a little privileged to be trusted with his car. It's not a Mercedes or an Aston Martin, but it's certainly nicer than mine.

"You may need to get gas," he says, pulling out his wallet. "I was planning to do that as we left. Here." He hands me a credit card.

"I'll pay you back," I promise, taking it from him. My own card is still maxed out with expenses from the funeral and back-to-school items. I can pay it off now that I have money, but at the moment it's still useless.

"If it makes you feel better," he says. "But I'm not worried about it."

"Hey, why does this say 'Dr. Seth Clearwater' on your card?" I ask. At first I think maybe it's his dad's card, but if his dad died four or five years ago, that doesn't make much sense.

He looks surprised, like I'd caught him doing something he shouldn't, and then gives me a sheepish grin. "I'd forgotten I put that on the application. They never questioned it," he says with a shrug.

"I can't believe you did that!" I exclaim, laughing. "Was this the kind of thing you were doing on those days you skipped school?"

"Maybe," he says, still looking embarrassed. "I should probably get it changed."

"Well, I'll be back shortly," I say, laughing and shaking my head as I leave.

One good thing about living in such a small town is that the utility companies all have offices fairly close together. I am able to get in and out of each one quickly, so it only takes me about an hour and a half to get everything done.

As I pull back into the driveway, I glimpse some movement to the side of the house. It's Justin, a kid who lives down the street. He's about seven years old now. I babysat him and his little brother, Caden, twice last year, and ever since then, he's been coming over any time he sees me outside the house.

"Chloe! Chloe!" he says, running up to me as I step out of the car. He's all out of breath and straining to hold on to the leash of his overly-energetic little dog, Rocky. "There's a guy in your back yard who was taking out one of the windows!"

What?

"It's just me, Chloe," Seth says, coming around the corner from behind the house. "It was that really small basement window on the other side of the house – did you know it was cracked?"

"Yeah, I'd forgotten about that." I'd noticed it back during the summer, and I suspected that Justin and his brother may have been the culprits. Mom had taped a shoebox lid to the inside to keep cold air from blowing in through the small hole. I feel a little embarrassed that Seth saw that – he probably thought it was weird.

"Well, I replaced the glass," he says.

"Really?" I say, surprised. "Where'd you get the glass? And wasn't that expensive?"

"There's a place right next to the hardware store that cuts glass. It was less than ten bucks. It's a really small piece. And _you,_ " he says, turning to Justin. "I thought you and Rocky were helping me! What happened?"

"I wasn't helping; I was spying on you," Justin says. "I thought you were trying to break in. I didn't know Chloe had a boyfriend."

"He's just a friend," I say automatically, though I wish the kid was right.

"I think somebody's jealous," Seth tells him in a teasing voice.

"I've gotta go home now," Justin says quickly. "Mom said I had to be home in time for dinner. Bye!" He takes off running in the direction of his house, with Rocky barking and pulling him along.

"Hey, if you see anybody else breaking in, you go tell your parents and let them call the police, okay?" Seth calls after him, but Justin doesn't answer.

"Sorry if he was bothering you," I tell him. "I babysat him a couple of times last year, and now he seems to think we're best friends."

"He has a crush on you," Seth says with a grin.

"He's _seven_!"

"Told me he was eight."

"I don't think it makes much difference," I say with a laugh. "So you were able to fix that window?"

"Yeah. I'm all done," he says as we walk over so he can show it to me. "It's just cheap glass, but it'll look better if you're trying to sell the place."

"Did you get the glass when you went to get the tools? Or did you _walk_ to the store while I was gone?"

"It was just four blocks."

"On crutches, carrying a big piece of glass?"

"Exercise is good for me. My doctor said I can walk as much as I want. And it was a _small_ piece of glass."

"You could have cut yourself!"

"I'm fine. Really," he insists.

"Well, thank you," I tell him. No point in continuing to give him a hard time about it. "It looks great. I had no idea you had all these handyman skills!"

"It was no problem. I'm just glad I could actually help with something."

"Well, I really appreciate it," I tell him emphatically. "You've helped a _lot_ today." Without thinking, I throw my arms around him and give him a big hug. "Thanks for being such a good friend," I tell him, my voice quivering as tears are starting to threaten again. Then I let him go, knowing that I'll definitely start crying again if I don't.

"Hey, if you're giving out hugs like that, I'd be happy to fix a few more windows," he says teasingly. "I might even have to break a few just so I'll have some more to fix."

I can't help but smile in response to his grin, and my tears are averted.

"Were you able to get the utilities taken care of?" he asks as we start walking back to the front of the house.

"Yeah. I got everything changed to my name and set up for automatic payments from my new account. And you now have a full tank of gas, Dr. Clearwater."

"Thanks," he says with an embarrassed smile as he takes the card I'm handing back to him and puts it back in his wallet. "So what's next? Anything else you want to get done while we're here?"

"No, I can't think of anything else. We've gotten a lot more done today than I had thought we would, thanks to you. You're probably getting hungry again by now anyway, aren't you?"

Seth laughs. "You know me too well. Seriously, though, I'm okay if you want to stay a little longer. I still haven't tried to fix the blinds yet. I could work on that if there's anything else you want to do here."

"No, I think I'm ready to leave."

"Was there anything you needed to take back with you from the house?"

"Just the stuff from the safe deposit box. And you need to get your tools," I remind him, stepping up onto the porch.

We go inside, and I start sliding the things from the safe deposit box back into the envelope. I consider leaving the photo DVDs here, but there are probably some pictures of Mom on there too, so I drop them in the envelope as well. Suddenly I remember the small stack of prints I'd left on the kitchen counter - I'd forgotten to take them with me when I went back to Dartmouth. I go into the kitchen, and after pushing aside some junk mail I haven't had time to sort through yet, I find them just where I'd left them. There's a picture of Mom right on top. I feel a sudden warmth in my heart at the memory of that day, and I briefly worry that I might start crying again, but I'm all cried out. It feels good to see her face again.

"That's your mom?" Seth asks softly, peering over my shoulder.

"Yeah."

"It's a good picture. You look a lot like her."

"Thanks. This was made last summer, just a few months before she found out about the cancer. She hated this picture because of her hair being pulled back in a ponytail and because she was wearing an old shirt since we'd been working in the garden. But it's one of my favorite pictures of her because it's just so normal. It was just an average, typical day – before we had all the worries that came with her diagnosis."

"Yeah. Sometimes the 'normal' memories are the best ones."

I slide the pictures into the envelope, and Seth turns to continue gathering up his tools, and then I lock up while he takes them out to the Explorer.

"Was that your mom's engagement ring?" he asks as I climb into the passenger's seat, inclining his head toward the lumpy envelope in my hand.

"Yeah. I was kind of surprised to find that in there. I'd never really given much thought to what she did with it after my dad left. I'd kind of thought she might have gotten rid of it, but the note she left said it had been her grandmother's, so she wanted it to stay in the family."

Seth nods. "Was that the great-grandmother you used to spend Thanksgiving with?"

"No, this one died before I was born. But my mom talked about her a lot. They were really close. So it makes sense that she kept it."

"I've noticed you haven't mentioned your dad very much," Seth says. "I take it you don't see him very often?"

"Try never," I tell him. This is a bit of a sore subject. His absence hadn't bothered me much in recent years, but now that my mom is gone, his lack of interest in me seems to hurt more deeply.

"Never?" Seth asks, seeming surprised.

"I haven't seen him or talked to him since he left when I was ten."

"Was that by your choice?" he asks. "Or are you saying he never even tried to keep in contact?"

"Sort of both, I guess. He cheated on my mom, and she kicked him out. I was pretty mad at him for a long time, but he never even tried to call. I know he remarried because for the last few years, his wife's name has been included on the return address labels for the child support checks every month. But I haven't talked to him, and if Mom did, she never told me about it."

"You don't think there's any chance he tried to contact you and your mom wouldn't let him?"

"No. I actually asked her about that when I was home for Thanksgiving. I know she would have told me then if he had. She wasn't sure if he ever even told his girlfriend that he had a family. He has a new life now, and I guess he just doesn't care about his old one anymore." And he obviously doesn't care about me. I can feel tears threatening again, and I turn to look out the window, hoping Seth won't notice.

"He sounds… very selfish," Seth says with a hard tone to his voice. "I think maybe you're better off without him in your life. I just don't understand how a father could ignore his own child like that. It makes me angry."

He does, in fact, sound angry. His reaction distracts me enough that the urge to cry dissipates, and I glance over at him. His jaw is clenched and he's staring straight ahead at the road.

"That's what Mom said - that I'm better off without him," I tell him. "Thanksgiving was the first time she'd really talked to me about it, except when it first happened, but I was just a kid then. The divorce was really hard on her, and she just didn't like to talk about it. She said she was glad that he at least sent a check every month, so she never had to try to get in touch with him. Of course, that's probably exactly what he was trying to avoid. If he had missed a payment, his new wife might have found out about us. I have his address, so I could probably get in touch with him if I really wanted to. But somehow I don't think that would go well."

"Yeah, probably not," he says.

We pass another exit that has restaurants, and I wonder when he's planning to stop so we can eat. I'm really starting to feel a little hungry, and I know Seth must be practically starving by now.

"You didn't like any of those restaurants?" I say as we fly past them, surprised that we didn't stop.

Seth laughs. "We can definitely stop somewhere if you want to, but Bella texted me right before we left and said she and Edward cooked tonight. So I was kind of thinking of eating there. I'm not sure what it is, but anything they make is always really good. What do you think? Can you wait a couple more hours or do you want to stop at the next exit?"

"They probably didn't mean to invite _me_ ," I point out. "I'd feel like I was intruding." I'm definitely not Mr. Cullen's favorite person, and I always feel so awkward around him.

He looks over at me with his eyes narrowed. "Of course they meant to invite you. She said they saved plates for us to warm up. She and Edward won't be there anyway. They have class in the evenings."

"Oh." If the Cullens won't be there, that makes a big difference. "Well, I guess I can wait if you can."

He glances over at me and grins. "You don't think I can make it that long?"

Just then his stomach growls, and we both laugh.

"Let's just say I'm pretty sure it's worth waiting for," he says.

"I hope they saved you a big plate."

"She usually saves me at least three plates," he says.

"You're sure she saved a plate for me too?" I ask. "I don't want to take one of yours."

"Yes, I'm sure," he insists. "She specifically mentioned you."

We talk easily for the rest of the drive, thankfully avoiding topics that would make me get all emotional again. I'm so glad Seth came with me today. I was dreading having to drive all this way to go to the bank, but aside from the breakdown I had after reading Mom's letter, it's turned out to be a rather enjoyable day just because of the time I got to spend with Seth.


	14. Dinner and a Movie

**Dinner and a Movie**

~ Wednesday, January 18, 2017 – 7 PM ~

We get to Nessie and Jake's a little after seven – Seth must have driven really fast again. Nessie has everything already warmed up when we walk in, and she and Jake sit down and eat with us too. Maybe it's because I'm so hungry, but the food smells amazingly good. I'm not quite sure what it is, though. It looks like some sort of pasta and meat with an unidentifiable sauce, and there are some vegetables, but I can't determine what kind. I take a bite, and it is the most delicious thing I've ever eaten. Ever.

"What is this?" I ask. "It's really good!"

"Some kind of fancy gourmet stuff," Jake says between bites. "I think Edward told us, but it wasn't in English, so I can't remember."

"Doesn't matter what it's called," Seth says. "This is _good_."

Conversation is minimal throughout the meal because we're all so busy eating. Even Nessie is eating, and she usually just picks at her food.

"Can you hang around here for a while, or do you need to get back and do homework?" Nessie asks as we're finishing up. "I haven't gotten to talk to you much lately."

"I can stay a little longer," I tell her, feeling a little guilty that I haven't spent more time with her this quarter. "I've finished everything that's due tomorrow."

"Why don't you two go pick out a movie or game or something?" Jake suggests. "Seth and I can finish cleaning up in here."

Nessie takes my arm and pulls me into the family room.

"So how was your day?" Nessie asks as we sit down. "Jake said you were going home to take care of some things?"

"Yeah. I mainly needed to go to the bank, but we got some other things done too. I had no idea Seth was so good at fixing things around the house."

"Oh, he and Jake have a lot of experience with that. It seems like we always have things breaking around here. Edward and I are pretty good at repairs, too. If you ever have any bigger projects you need help with, just let us know, and we could all go over and get it done quickly for you."

"I think Seth has already fixed almost everything, but that's really nice of you," I tell her.

"I'm serious!" she says. "I love to paint and redecorate, too. I've helped Esme and Alice with some things at their house, and we had so much fun."

"I might take you up on the painting offer," I tell her, grateful to have such good friends. I hate painting.

"I'm really glad Seth went with you today," she says, lowering her voice and looking more serious. "I can't believe you were planning to go by yourself. You know I would have gone with you, too, right?"

"I know," I say, touched by her concern and her desire to help. "I just didn't want to make anybody miss class. I only called Seth to ask if I could get my car back. But I'm glad he went with me, too. It's ended up being almost a fun day."

She smiles hopefully and raises her eyebrows.

I shake my head quickly, narrowing my eyes at her. I can hear the guys approaching, so I don't say anything, but why does she keep implying there's something going on? Seth is such a good friend, but I can't imagine him ever wanting to be more than that. I wonder if she or Jake has been giving him the same type of hints about me.

"So what are we doing?" Jake asks as he and Seth step into the room.

"We haven't decided yet," Nessie says, looking at me questioningly.

"Whatever you all want to do is fine," I say. "Do you have any new movies?" I learned last quarter that the Cullens always seem to have the latest releases before they've left the theater. Sometimes even before they've gotten to the theater.

Seth reads off the newest titles, and we soon agree on a movie. He gets it started and sits down next to me while Jake goes to microwave some popcorn – I still can't believe how much these guys eat.

Jake returns with two bowls full of popcorn and hands one to Seth before sitting down on the other side of Nessie. As he squeezes into the narrow spot, Nessie is pushed closer to me, causing me to scoot closer to Seth. This couch is designed to seat only three, so with four, there's virtually no space between any of us. Nessie is right up against me, and my legs are kind of touching Seth's. But he's leaning slightly away from me as if trying to give me space. And his arm is resting along the back of the couch but is not touching me at all. Jake has his hand in Nessie's hair and seems to be massaging her neck.

The movie starts, and the popcorn smells really good. Seth leans his bowl my direction, but I shake my head. As tempting as the buttery smell is, I am way too full to eat another bite of anything.

I'm starting to feel rather warm; it had been kind of cool in the kitchen when we were eating, but Nessie is as warm as Seth, and sitting between the two of them is making me drowsy. I wonder if there might really be something wrong with me that causes me to always feel cooler than everyone else. I try to focus on the movie, determined not to fall asleep again, but it is a losing battle.

"Well, don't you all look cozy!" Bella's voice surprises me. Where did she come from? I struggle to remember where I am as I force my eyes open. I feel so warm and comfortable, and I slowly realize it's because I'm leaning against Seth, and he has his arm around me. Nessie is asleep in Jacob's lap, and it looks like he's asleep too.

"Oh, I didn't mean to wake you, Chloe!" Bella says apologetically.

"I think I was already waking up," I say, trying to remember what happened. "What time is it?"

"It's almost ten o'clock," Seth says. "The movie just ended."

I feel his arm disappear from my shoulders as he stretches and yawns. I sit up straighter and scoot away from him a little, embarrassed that I've ended up using him for a pillow again.

"Well, I'm going on upstairs," Bella says. "I've got a lot of homework due tomorrow."

"Thanks for dinner," I tell her. "I think that was the most delicious meal I've ever had!"

"Thanks," she says, looking pleased. "Edward did most of it, though. I'll let him know you liked it." She walks out, and I hear her going up the stairs. I assume Mr. Cullen is already up there.

"Sorry I fell asleep again," I tell Seth. "How did I end up, um…?" I suddenly recall a vivid dream I just had where I was watching Seth gaze at me with the same adoration I thought I saw earlier today when we were drinking milkshakes. It was like I was looking at myself, asleep sitting up, right here on this couch, and he reached over and moved some hair out of my face. It was definitely just a dream, but I'm suddenly filled with worry that I might have said his name in my sleep or done something else embarrassing.

"You fell asleep on Nessie first," he says with a grin. "But then she wanted to snuggle up with Jake, and we didn't want you to fall over, so…" He shrugs.

"I'm so sorry," I tell him. He had obviously been trying to keep his distance earlier. If he had _wanted_ to put his arm around me, he would have done it while I was still awake.

"It's okay," he tells me, and his pleasant tone and easy smile reassure me that he really means it. He won't let something like this make things weird between us – even though it's happened twice now.

"Thanks." I feel an emotional tug at my heart as I think about what a good friend he is.

"Let's get you back to your dorm so you can go back to sleep," he says.

"Do you have my keys?" I ask. "I can drive myself." As much as I would enjoy a few more minutes with Seth, it seems kind of silly to have him keep driving me around when my car is still here from the day it snowed and he drove me back from the restaurant.

"I do, but I'm not sure you're completely awake. I'd feel better if I drove you."

"Okay," I agree. I really am extremely tired, and I've always hated driving after dark, so it doesn't take much to persuade me.

"Thanks," he says, digging in his pocket. "Here. You can still have your keys back, just to prove I'm not holding your car hostage or anything."

I laugh and take the keys from him. I can always get my car tomorrow night after our study group meeting.

He drives me back to my dorm and drops me off at the door to my building.

I walk into the lobby and head sleepily down the hall to the elevator feeling pleased at how much I've accomplished today. I no longer have to worry about the frozen bank accounts, and I was able to get my credit card paid off from my phone on the way back to Hanover.

I had been dreading driving home to take care of all of those details, but like I told Nessie, having Seth with me actually made it a fun day. Even though I ended up crying again, having him there to comfort me made a world of difference. I recall the feel of his strong arms around me, pulling me close to him, and guilt washes over me. He was just comforting a distraught friend; he has no idea how attracted I am to him or how much I enjoy his touch.

I turn the corner to where the elevator is, and Taylor and Michaela are standing there waiting for it too.

"I haven't seen you all day!" Taylor says by way of greeting.

"Yeah, I had some things I had to take care of," I tell her.

"Seth missed class today, too," Michaela tells me. "Were you two together?"

"He drove me home so I could take care of some things with my mother's estate," I tell her. "I had to sign some things at the bank, and I had some things I needed to do at the house."

"Oh," she says, her expression growing more somber. "And you just now got back?"

"We stopped to eat with Nessie and Jake before he brought me back to the dorm."

"So are you two a couple yet?" Michaela asks.

"No, we're just friends. Really! Why does everybody keep asking me that?"

"Haven't you noticed how he looks at you?" Michaela asks.

"That's what I told her!" Taylor says, laughing.

The elevator doors finally open, and we all get in. I press the button for the fifth floor, thinking of the remarkably vivid dream I had an hour or so ago.

"Chloe, wasn't he up in your room really late again on Sunday?" Michaela asks. "I saw him leaving through the lobby around midnight."

I am confused. Sunday night was when I fell asleep right after we started the movie. "Are you sure?" I ask. "I'm pretty sure he left around 9:00 or 9:30. We ate in the cafeteria after studying for that management quiz, and then he came up to watch a movie, but I fell asleep right after it got started, and he left."

The elevator stops at our floor, and we all get off but stand there in the hallway to finish our conversation.

"You were watching a movie in your room?" Michaela asks. "Just the two of you? Was there, by any chance, any snuggling or cuddling going on?"

"Not the way that you mean," I say, growing frustrated. Seth doesn't think of me that way.

Taylor raises her eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.

"I was just kind of leaning against him. You're making too big of a deal out of it. I was so exhausted I fell asleep after just a few minutes, and the next thing I knew, my alarm was going off and it was time for class. The movie was paused at the twenty-three minute mark – I remember checking it the next morning. So when I fell asleep, he paused the movie, set my alarm, and left." It's none of their business that he kind of he tucked me into bed too. And they don't need to know that I fell asleep on him again tonight.

"Chloe, I was up in Adam and Dylan's room until just before curfew Sunday night, and I met Seth coming through the lobby on my way in. It was midnight, give or take a few minutes."

"Maybe he watched the whole movie and then set the marker back at the point where I fell asleep so that I could finish it later?" I theorize. "Or maybe he stopped to visit somebody else, or hung around in the lobby for a while before going home. That's probably it – he had mentioned he was trying to give Nessie and Jake some time alone at their house."

"Whatever you say, Chloe," Michaela says with a knowing smile on her face. "I've seen how he looks at you. He was probably staring at you that whole time."

"If this was anybody but Seth, I'd find that really creepy," Taylor says with a giggle. "But somehow it actually seems kind of sweet."

"I'll ask him about it tomorrow," I tell them. "I'm sure there's some perfectly reasonable explanation."


	15. Mixed Signals

**Mixed Signals**

~~ Thursday, January 19, 2017 – 6PM ~~

"Seth?" I ask tentatively.

"Yeah?" He glances over at me briefly before turning his eyes back to the road.

"How long did you stay Sunday night after I fell asleep?"

"Not very long," he says carefully. "Why?"

"Taylor said she saw you leaving around midnight," I tell him. "But I think I fell asleep before nine."

"Well, three hours isn't very long, is it?" he asks, looking embarrassed as he flashes me one of his biggest grins.

"You stayed in my room for three hours?" I ask, shocked.

"You just looked so comfortable; I didn't want to disturb you," he says. "I was afraid you'd wake up if I tried to move you. But then it got close to curfew, so I decided to risk it. Then I accidentally dropped one of my crutches on the floor - I couldn't believe you didn't wake up."

"I hope I didn't snore, or talk in my sleep, or do anything else embarrassing," I say.

"No, nothing like that," he assures me with a grin. "Promise. And I'm sorry I didn't say anything about it earlier. I guess after I left I got worried that it would sound weird if I tried to explain it to you."

"It's okay," I assure him. Of course. It would have sounded like he was attracted to me or something if he had told me he just sat there with me for that long. He was just being super nice, as usual. He had just been trying to figure out how to get away without waking me up, and it had to have been awkward for him trying to move me with his broken leg and crutches. "I'm really sorry I fell asleep on you. You should have woken me up. I hate that you were trapped there for so long."

"I never said I felt trapped," he says, his eyes darting to mine. "I just didn't want to disturb you. There's a big difference."

Something about the way he says it makes my heart flutter, but then he gives me that "just teasing" grin like he did yesterday after the milkshakes.

We pull into the Cullens' driveway, and as we're walking to their door, he leans close to me and says in a low voice, "I'm not sure how you could think I'd find it so unpleasant to have you fall asleep in my arms."

Whoa. Really? I gape at him, but he's looking straight ahead as he steps up onto the porch and doesn't seem to notice my reaction. His expression doesn't tell me anything – he's not exactly smiling, but he doesn't look upset or anything either. Just calm and casual, like always. He opens the front door without bothering to ring the doorbell, and we let ourselves in and join the others in the family room.

Through the whole study session, I'm turning around in my mind what he had said. Did he really mean that the way it sounded – like he is attracted to me and had enjoyed holding me when I fell asleep on him? Could he really be interested in me as more than a friend? He had certainly sounded flirtatious yesterday when we were having milkshakes, too, but then he had acted like he didn't mean it. If he really likes me that way, wouldn't he be sitting closer to me right now?

It seems like he's been so careful to keep things "just friends" ever since I've met him, and except for the hugs when I was crying and the times I sort of accidentally leaned over on him during movies, it seems like he's been careful to keep a polite distance so as not to touch me. Maybe he _does_ have a girlfriend already, but he's attracted to me too, and he's still trying to figure out how he feels about me? But Seth doesn't seem like the sort of guy to hide the fact the he has a girlfriend. Wouldn't he have mentioned her to me by now if he did?

We've been spending an awful lot of time together lately. Is he really just trying to give Jake and Ness time alone? Or could he possibly be looking for excuses to spend time with me?

And he seems kind of protective of me sometimes, wanting me to ride with him when the roads are bad or when I'm tired. Or maybe those were just more excuses to spend time with me. I've also noticed that he seems just a little more concerned than most people would be whenever I mention not getting enough sleep. I know he cares about me, but is it more than just friendship?

I'm not sure what he would find so special about me. While I think I look pretty good most of the time, and I like to think that it's not too much of a stretch that a guy might find me attractive, Seth has seen me at my worst so many times. What reason could there possibly be for him to be drawn to me, the girl who keeps crying all the time?

Normally I'd want to discuss this with Taylor or Michaela, but I already know they think he likes me. They've thought that ever since he asked me to share books. But he didn't even know me then. He'd only seen me briefly the night before, and he'd left the room as soon as I arrived. How could he possibly have "liked" me already? Besides, I've spent a lot more time with Seth than Taylor and Michaela have, so I should be able to judge better than they could if he's attracted to me or not.

So why is it so hard for me to figure this out? If he likes me, shouldn't it be more obvious? Is it just my wishful thinking that he might be interested? Why does he seem so caring, and so willing to deal with my crazy emotions, but then seem like he's trying to avoid touching me later?

Another possibility suddenly comes to me: what if he's not attracted to girls? I begin to panic inside at the thought. Could that be it? Could his lack of flirting and the way he tries to maintain his personal space be because he doesn't want to mislead me? That would be just my luck, that the one guy I really care about might be incapable of returning my interest. I've never gotten that vibe from him, but does that really mean anything?

My hope begins to return as I recall that day in the library with Jake and Nessie. Wouldn't they know if that were the case? Jake seems to be his best friend, and they've obviously known each other a long time, probably their whole lives. It would be hard to believe that Jake wouldn't know, or at least suspect. He's probably met all of Seth's past girlfriends, and with the way he reacted when I asked about Claire, I've pretty much concluded she's one of them. And Jake and Ness have been hinting that they'd like Seth and me to be a couple. Some of the things Ness said even gave me the impression that they were expecting it to happen soon, that she thought it was only a matter of time, but I'd dismissed it as a misguided matchmaking attempt; after all, Seth had always seemed very much like he wanted to be "just friends." But now, today, he's whispering in my ear about how much he likes having me in his arms. Okay, so maybe those weren't his exact words. What he'd actually said was that it wasn't so unpleasant. But it could be rephrased that way, right?

Maybe Jake and Nessie have been dropping hints for Seth too. Maybe that's why he's seemed almost like he was flirting a couple of times yesterday and today. Was he trying to gauge my response?

What if Seth was the one who had put Jake and Ness up to questioning me that day in the library? No, he doesn't seem like the type to ask someone else to be a go-between. He's shared a lot of personal things with me, like how he felt when his dad died, so I know he doesn't have any problems talking to me himself. He definitely doesn't seem to have any problems with shyness or lack of confidence. So if he wanted to be more than friends, he would let me know himself, wouldn't he?

Could it be that he's interested, and has told Jake and Nessie, but just hasn't told me yet? But what could be holding him back? Why hasn't he been taking advantage of all of the many opportunities he's had to flirt with me, to sit closer, to touch me?

"The law of diminishing marginal utility," Seth says, snapping me out of my thoughts and back to Nessie's family room.

"Right!" Megan chirps, shuffling that card to the back of the stack. Oh no, I'm next.

"Chloe, what is the central feature of short-run production analysis?"

Ugh! I should have reviewed my notes right before coming here. I close my eyes briefly, hoping the answer will magically pop into my head, but it doesn't happen. "Sorry, I can't remember," I admit with a sigh. I guess I won't be impressing Seth with my economics knowledge or my study skills tonight.

Thankfully, the actual studying part of our study session is over quickly since the quiz is over vocabulary and we have a limited list of words. I am relieved, not only because I didn't study enough, but mainly because I'm not able to concentrate on economics right now anyway.

A few people leave, and those who remain are just socializing. Dylan is telling us a story about a joke he played on his roommate, Adam, earlier in the week. I try to listen, because Dylan is the master of practical jokes and his stories are always hilarious, but I keep trying to decide whether I should say anything to Seth after we leave. I also wonder if he might say something to me first. I glance over at him, and he looks completely relaxed, laughing at Dylan's story. No, he's not going to bring anything up. He's not worried about this at all. And I'm being stupid to worry about it myself. He's obviously content with the way things are. And I should be more content too. After all, he's become a better friend to me than anyone I've ever known, and moving our relationship into a romance would be scary. What if it didn't work out? Then we probably wouldn't even be friends anymore, and I don't think I want to risk that.

I try to force myself to relax. We're sitting on the floor, as usual, and Seth is behind me and slightly to the right, and we're all watching Adam demonstrate how he repaid Dylan for one of his jokes. I scoot back slightly, wanting to be a little closer to Seth. Just being closer to him is comforting, even if I don't have a clue what he meant by that remark on our way in, and I start to feel more at ease again as I force myself to mentally rejoin the group and listen to Adam.

Adam is maybe halfway through his story when something lightly touches my hair. I feel it again a few seconds later. Is Seth playing with my hair? I don't turn to look because I know he's the only one close enough – I can partially see him in my peripheral vision without looking away from Adam, but I can't see his arm that's closest to me since it's the one that's behind me. And if he _is_ playing with my hair, I don't really want to stop him, so I don't want to turn my head and let him know that I've noticed or cause him to think that it's bothering me.

Nessie, who is sitting on the other side of Seth, leans over and whispers to him, "You two make such a cute couple." It doesn't surprise me that she would say something like that, after the way she and Jake were giggling at me a few days ago, but I don't think she really intended for me to hear. I tense, worried that he'll think I put her up to saying that, or worse, that she's trying to play matchmaker when he doesn't want her to.

"Thanks," I hear him whisper. What? Really? I'm pretty sure he didn't mean for me to hear that either. At least I think that's what he said. Maybe I heard wrong. No, that was definitely "thanks." Maybe I heard Nessie wrong. No, I don't think I heard her wrong either.

Seth seems to have stopped touching my hair, and I wonder if he realizes I heard him. But he starts telling the group something funny about Jake from when they were in high school together, so I turn where I can see him better, and I see that he's using both hands to gesture as he tells the story.

"Stop, Seth," Jake says just as Seth seems to be getting to the good part.

"Seriously?" Seth says.

"Don't go there," Jake tells him.

"It's not what you think," Seth persists. "I wasn't going to –"

"I said to stop," Jake says, becoming increasingly agitated.

"Are you gonna make me?" Seth responds with a grin.

Jake exhales loudly, sounding exasperated, and at first I think he's going to leave the room, but then his eyes narrow and he lunges past Nessie and tries to get Seth in a headlock, but Seth ducks and slips out of the way.

I've seen them mess around like this before on a few occasions, being kind of rough with each other, but it always seems to be in good-natured fun. And as far as I can tell, that is still the situation now. Or at least I'm hoping it is. Jake looks kind of serious, but Seth doesn't, so I'm surprised when Seth pushes me about two feet away from him, sliding me across the hardwood floor, as he puts one of his crutches out to block Jake, who had gotten to his feet and was in the process of tackling Seth.

The crutch hits Jake – or he hits it, I'm not sure which – and then he falls right on top of Seth, the crutch still between them. I cringe, thinking how much that had to hurt. What if Seth's leg is re-injured?

Jake is laughing hysterically. "We broke one of your crutches!" he chokes out as he stands back up. He holds up the two pieces of evidence.

But now Seth is upset. "You could've hurt someone," he says angrily, standing with his one remaining crutch. "There are a lot of _people_ in this room."

"But we broke one of your crutches!" Jake says again, still laughing. "Chloe's fine. She had already gotten out of the way."

Had I? I guess I _had_ instinctively leaned away. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have hit me even if Seth hadn't tried to push me aside. But I don't understand what is so funny. Aren't they both in pain?

"I think we're going to head back now," Dylan says, looking a little uncomfortable with the whole situation. "I still have a philosophy paper to write tonight."

Adam, Taylor, and Megan get up to leave as well since they rode with Dylan, and Nessie walks them to the door but keeps glancing back at Seth and Jake who are still caught up in their argument.

"What were you thinking?" Seth says angrily to Jake. He's not quite yelling, but he is definitely very upset.

"Seth, you've got to calm down," Jake says firmly but with a hint of nervousness. "You don't want Chloe to see you lose it. I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have done that." Is Jake _afraid_ of him?

Nessie returns and takes Jake's hand, and then reaches for one of Seth's hands as well. The three of them stand there silently for a couple of seconds, and then Seth takes a deep breath and exhales slowly.

"Look at your crutches, man," Jake says. "You've only got one now. Do you think you'll be able to manage?"

Seth's familiar grin returns and he bursts out laughing. "I oughta beat you over the head with it."

"Go ahead, if it'll make you feel better. At least I stopped you from telling that story," Jake says.

"I can still tell it later."

"But you won't."

They just look at each other for a moment.

"Are you ready to leave, Chloe?" Seth says, turning to me.

"Sure."

I grab my backpack, and Nessie gets our jackets for us.

"Sorry about that," she whispers, apparently embarrassed by her husband's behavior.

I follow Seth out to his Explorer even though I had originally planned to drive my own car back to school. Seth seems to have forgotten that my car is still here, and I don't mention it since I really want to talk to him. I'm worried that Jake might have hurt him more than he let on, and I have other questions for him as well – if I can get up the nerve.


	16. Something I'd Like to Ask

**Something I'd Like to Ask**

"Are you okay?" Seth asks once we're back in his Explorer.

"Of course I'm okay," I tell him, confused as to why he would even be asking. "I'm not the one who had crutches broken across his legs. Didn't that hurt?"

"Not that much. No permanent damage," he says with a chuckle.

"Are you sure? I was thinking it might be a good idea to go have your leg x-rayed," I say. "What if it's been re-fractured?"

"Nah, I didn't break anything. I'll be fine," he insists.

"Are you sure?" I ask again.

"Really, I'm fine," he assures me. "I think Jake got the worse end of it. _I'm_ the one who hit _him_ with the crutch first, remember?"

"Yeah, I've never seen you get angry like that before," I tell him.

"Sorry about that," he says with a slight cringe. "Did I scare you?" He glances over at me worriedly.

"Scare me? I was just afraid you might get hurt," I tell him. "Jake's a lot bigger than you, and it seems like he's got quite a temper sometimes."

Seth laughs. "You don't have much confidence in my ability to defend myself, do you?"

"Seth, you have a broken leg!"

"Jake would never really hurt me," he insists. "Not seriously, anyway. And I may be using crutches - well, just one now - but I think I'm a little stronger than you're giving me credit for. I can handle myself with Jake."

"Are you really okay with just one crutch?" I ask. I had been meaning to ask about that. He didn't seem to have any problems getting to the car, but it has to be an adjustment.

"Yeah, I'm fine. What's really funny is that I think I might have been better off with just one all along. The only reason I've been using two is because that's what Carlisle gave me."

"Carlisle Cullen? He's your doctor?"

"Yeah. He was with us. He was there when it happened."

I nod, remembering it was a Cullen family ski trip, and we don't say anything else for a few moments. My mind goes back to my plans to ask him what he meant by the remark he made on the way into the house, but it just doesn't seem like the right time to bring it up after that little altercation with Jake.

We get closer to my dorm, and I realize that my time is running out if I'm going to talk to him.

"I think that was the shortest study session ever," I say as we pull into the parking lot. "It's not even eight o'clock yet. You want to finish that movie? I promise I won't fall asleep this time. I got caught up on my sleep last night."

"Sure," he agrees, looking pleased with the suggestion. But is he pleased because he likes me and is eager to spend time with me? Or because he wants to give Jake more time to calm down before he goes home? Or even because he simply has nothing better to do?

We go up to my room, and he sits down on the bed and makes himself comfortable while I start to get my laptop from my desk. I wonder if he might put his arm around me this time as soon as I sit down. Maybe if he does, I'll get up the nerve to ask him about some of those things he said today. I mentally sigh as I unplug the laptop from the electrical outlet. Who am I kidding? What would I say? "Hey, Seth, were you trying to flirt with me earlier?" That would sound stupid. Especially if I'm wrong. I can't figure out how to ask him, and we're probably going to end up just watching the movie.

I wonder again about that comment Nessie made tonight and the way Seth seemed to agree with her. And I know I felt him touching my hair.

"What did you think about what Nessie said tonight?" I suddenly hear myself ask. My hands are on the laptop but I haven't actually picked it up yet, and I just stand there frozen for a moment. I can't believe that just came out of my mouth. Why did I say anything?

"About what?" Seth asks cautiously.

"I think you know what I mean," I persist, encouraged by the careful tone to his voice. My heart rate increases as I turn to face him; there's no point in turning back now. "When she said we made a cute couple." I tense, feeling more and more nervous. What if I'm wrong? Maybe he had been rolling his eyes when he said, "Thanks"? Maybe I'd had something stuck in my hair and he was just getting it out?

"I was wondering if you heard that little exchange," he says quietly, almost to himself. Then he looks up at me and holds his eyes on mine as he answers. "I'm going to be honest - I'd like to think she's right. What about you? Do you only think of me as a friend, or do you think we could ever be more?"

I am flooded with an entirely new kind of nervousness. My worry that I'm wrong and making a fool of myself shifts to an intense fear of navigating this unknown territory. I've never had this conversation with a guy before. I've tried to imagine this so many times, and now that it is actually happening, I'm standing here with my knees wobbling and I have no idea what to say. I _can't_ mess this up.

I take a deep breath. "I think of you as a _really_ good friend," I tell him, struggling to control the trembling in my voice. "And I would love for it to be more."

"Really?" he says, a huge smile taking over his face.

"Yeah," I say, relieved at his reaction but still afraid to believe this is really happening. "I just didn't think you'd ever think of _me_ that way."

"Why not?" he asks as his brows draw together. He looks genuinely confused.

"Well," I say, shrugging slightly, "you seemed like you were being really careful not to touch me too much, and I just had the feeling that you only wanted to be friends. I thought you might have a girlfriend back home or something."

"No girlfriend back home," he assures me, sitting more upright on the bed. "I was just afraid of scaring you away if I said anything too soon."

"Really?" I ask, startled by this revelation.

"Really. There were times I was afraid I was being too obvious about how I feel," he says. "I know I slipped at least a couple of times today. I've been hoping you'd grow to feel the same way, but I didn't want to rush you. You've been through a lot lately, and I wasn't sure if you'd be ready for a relationship yet."

Tears begin to form as the reasons behind his past behavior start to sink in. He wasn't keeping things platonic because he already had a girlfriend – it was because he was so concerned about me!

"I'm ready," I tell him with a quivering voice.

My words bring another smile to his face, but he still looks concerned – probably about the moisture that's gathered in my eyes. "You're certain about that?" he asks softly.

I nod. "The only reason I haven't been more obvious myself is that I didn't want to risk losing you as a friend. I was afraid of making things awkward if I said anything."

"I won't ever let things be awkward," he says. He stands up, holding onto the desk instead of using his crutch, and places his hand on my arm, steadying it. "You're shaking," he says, and then lowers his voice almost to a whisper. "I think you're almost as scared as I am."

"Why would _you_ be scared?" I ask, surprised. He always seems so calm and confident in whatever he's doing.

"Well, partly the same reason as you, I think - I wasn't sure if you thought of me that way. But there are also some things I need to tell you about myself and about my tribe because at this point, I think it would be very unfair of me to continue keeping them from you."

"Things about your tribe?" I ask, confused.

"Yeah. My tribe's pretty unique, and I'm not sure how you're going to react when I try to explain it."

"It'll be fine," I assure him. His hand is still on my arm, and I place my hand over his as I continue. "I don't care about cultural differences. We can work all of those things out." His membership in his tribe is part of who he is, part of what makes him so interesting.

"I'm not really talking about culture. But before we get into that, there's something else I'd really like to ask you," he says.

"Sure; what?" I ask.

Instead of speaking, he slowly leans toward me, glancing down at my mouth for a moment before meeting my eyes again. He pauses, his mouth mere inches from mine. He isn't asking anything verbally, but he is definitely asking. I can feel his warm breath against my face, and I'm flooded with anticipation. I have imagined this moment so many times!

Rising up slightly on my tiptoes, I give him an equally nonverbal "yes," tilting my face more toward his. I can practically feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins. He's really going to kiss me!

As his face draws closer, I notice something different in those expressive, dark eyes of his - that persistent confidence has disappeared. This strong, gorgeous, perfect guy actually looks vulnerable, like I have some sort of power over him, and I want nothing more than to assure him of my feelings for him. He closes his eyes as he slowly lowers his mouth to mine, and his lips – so soft, warm, and loving – press lightly against mine. It is a simple, gentle kiss, but the emotion it conveys is indescribable. I vow to remember this feeling forever.

The goofy grin on his face as the kiss ends tells me he must have enjoyed it as much as I did. I feel like jumping up and down and doing a victory dance. I can't believe Seth really kissed me!

"That was my first kiss," I hear myself blurt out. Why did I tell him that? He'll think I'm a freak!

"Mine, too," Seth says, still grinning widely. He takes my hands in his. "And it was well worth the wait."

"Wait, you don't mean your first ever, do you?" I ask, unable to believe that a guy like him hadn't had girls lining up to be his girlfriend.

He just nods, his smile still in place though his face begins to redden slightly.

"How is that possible? A guy like you? Really?"

"What do you mean, a guy like me?"

"Only that you're the most amazing guy I've ever met," I tell him, stating the obvious.

He raises his eyebrows as if questioning whether I'm serious.

"You're so kind and thoughtful and completely gorgeous!" I continue, feeling more confident about sharing my feelings now that I know he returns them. "And you're pretty good at kissing, too."

"I thought you said that was your first kiss," he says teasingly, bending down to rest his forehead against mine. "Who are you comparing me to?"

"Nobody," I admit. "But I just can't imagine a more perfect first kiss." And I've imagined it a lot.

He beams at this, obviously pleased at my assessment of his skills.

"You're really serious?" I persist. "What about Claire?"

"Claire Young?" he asks, looking confused and perhaps a little repulsed as he shakes his head slightly. "No… she's - she's twelve."

"Oh." I feel really stupid now. Why did I even ask him that?

"I sort of had a girlfriend when I was fourteen," he continues, raising his head back to normal height but continuing to hold my hands. "But we never made it to the kissing stage. We were never alone, and her dad watched us like a hawk. We were only together for about three weeks. I'm not sure she really even counts as a girlfriend."

"So you're almost as new at this as I am," I say, still baffled as to how that could be possible.

"Yeah. Would it sound corny if I said I was waiting for you?"

We both laugh, and then his cheek brushes the side of my face as he steps closer and begins to speak softly in my ear. "What's more surprising to me is that this is _your_ first relationship. The guys in your high school must've all been complete idiots. And the ones here at Dartmouth, too. Not that I'm complaining. I love knowing that your first kiss was with me. And I was so relieved when I first found out you weren't seeing anyone. It would've been a lot harder if I'd had to compete for your attention. Because I would have, you know."

I think my heart just skipped a few more beats.

He slides one hand from my shoulder to my back, pulling me even closer to him, and with his other hand he gently strokes the back of my hair. He kisses the top of my head, and I wrap my arms around him and rest my head against his shoulder, breathing in the scent that is uniquely his. Being in his arms is even more enjoyable when I'm not crying…and he's not touching me only because he feels sorry for me...and he's just kissed me. I can't remember ever feeling so content and excited all at the same time. It seems like he really feels the same way about me as I do about him. I can't believe this is really happening!

* * *

 **A/N: Finally! These two have figured out their feelings are mutual!** ** **I spent a lot of time tweaking this chapter, trying to get it just right, and I'd really love to hear your thoughts!****


	17. Secrets

**Secrets**

~~ Thursday, January 19, 2017 – 9PM ~~

We continue holding each other for a moment, but my mind goes back to what he said just before we kissed. There was something he had wanted to tell me that seemed important to him, something he was worried about.

"So what was the thing you said you needed to tell me about your tribe?" I ask.

He sighs and says, "Let's sit down."

I sit down on my bed, and he pulls out my desk chair and sits so that he's facing me.

"This is even harder than I thought it would be," he says, running his hand through his hair and closing his eyes for a moment before looking up at me again. "I promised myself that if our relationship started becoming romantic, I would go ahead and tell you this, because I don't want to have to keep hiding things from you. But now that the time's here, I'm wishing we could just be normal a little while longer."

"So what have you been hiding?" I ask, baffled as to what he could be so worried about. "I'd love to learn more about your tribe. It's part of who you are, and no matter how strange the customs might be, it's not going to change what I think of you."

"What I need to tell you isn't just some cultural difference. It's about what I am."

What he is? "You're not…cannibals, are you?" I ask, blurting out the first thing that comes to mind as I try to think of the most bizarre and scary custom a native people might have.

"No, we're definitely not cannibals," he says, a laugh escaping despite his obvious difficulty with talking about whatever he's trying to tell me. "It's not quite _that_ bad."

"Does it have something to do with your mom being on the tribal council?" I ask, wondering if he has some special responsibilities to his tribe.

"Not really. Indirectly, maybe."

He looks so serious. And he truly looks terrified to tell me whatever this is. I wait for him to continue, but he seems to be struggling to find the right words.

"You're not terminally ill, are you?" I ask with a growing concern that something must be terribly wrong. I'm not sure how I could deal with losing him too, right after losing my mother.

"No, no, nothing like that," he assures me. "I'm in perfect health. But there are things about me you don't know, things that are going to be hard for you to believe at first, things about my people and our history that you may not want to be a part of."

"Seth, just tell me," I say, taking his hand and looking him right in the eye. "I promise, nothing is going to make me think less of you."

We look at one another for a moment, and he seems to be searching my eyes for something. Then, just as I start to think he's going to decide not to tell me, he asks, "Do you believe in the supernatural?"

That seems like such an odd question. "You mean like ghosts? Or wizards?" I ask, my brows drawing together.

"No. More like the things in the legends I told you about earlier."

Oh. "Like spirit warriors?"

"And wolf-men."

"They're really cool legends…but you don't _really_ believe them, do you?"

The look on his face tells me that I have found the real issue.

"So these legends are part of your religious beliefs?" I ask. "You're worried about religious differences?" Does he need _me_ to believe these things too?

"I wouldn't really call it a religion," he says. "I grew up thinking that all of the legends were just stories. Jake and I used to laugh at our dads behind their backs for taking them so seriously. And I'm still not sure if I believe everything about the ones I shared with you earlier. Those were supposed to be from our ancient history. But there are others, from our tribe's more recent history - like the last few hundred years - which I've learned are absolutely true, even some of the details that we thought were probably embellishments at first. And when I explain this to you, it's going to sound just as crazy to you as those other legends did, but I can show you absolute proof. It won't be a matter of whether you believe me or not; it will be a matter of whether you can deal with it or not. And whether you still want to be around me or not."

"Okay; so what are these other legends?"

"Well, basically, they say that at certain points in our history, young men would turn into wolves in order to protect the tribe. And I know that sounds crazy. Completely crazy. I never believed it myself until I saw it happen."

"So you're saying you've actually seen a man turn into a wolf?" I ask, completely confused. I was definitely not expecting something like this. And he still looks so serious.

"Well, it turns out that it's not limited to males. I saw it happen with my sister first. And then it started happening to me later the same night. I can control it now, so you don't have to worry about me hurting you, but I need you to know the truth – I want you in on the secret."

The familiar, mischievous smile that normally follows his jokes or teasing remarks doesn't come, and I'm not quite sure what to think about all of this.

"You're saying you can turn into a wolf," I say, still waiting for the punch line.

"Yes."

The look on his face is not that of someone who is playing a joke. It is the look of someone who is waiting to be accepted or rejected as a person based on what he just said. It begins to sink in that he must _really believe_ this. A new worry takes over - is he mentally ill? Maybe he suffers from some sort of delusional disorder. But he seems so normal…except for this one thing. Could he possibly be joking? But why?

"I'm not really sure what to say to that," I tell him, realizing he is still waiting for my reaction.

"I'm going to need to show you so that you can see I'm not crazy."

He is still looking at me, and I'm not sure if he's waiting for my reaction or if maybe he's realizing that he can't really do it.

"Um, are you showing me right now? Because you still look normal to me."

He laughs. "No, obviously I'm still human," he says, gesturing down at himself. "I can't do it in your room. I might break something. If you'll come outside with me, I'll show you. We'll need to go into the woods a little ways to be sure no one else will see. Okay?" He stands and offers me his hand to help me up.

"What about your crutch?" I ask him, confused that it's still lying on the floor and he has just stood effortlessly, as if there is nothing wrong with his leg. It has only been about three weeks since his skiing accident, and although he's started putting a little weight on it recently with the walking boot, I know he still needs the support.

He grimaces. "I forgot it. That kiss was pretty distracting." His mouth twists back into a grin at the memory.

"Doesn't it hurt to put that much weight on your leg?" I ask him, handing him the crutch.

"This is one of the things I needed to tell you anyway," he says, putting it under his arm. "I don't really need the crutches."

"So you're just faking the broken leg? Why?" I ask, even more confused. Maybe I don't know Seth as well as I thought I did.

"No, I wasn't faking it, at least not when I first met you," he says, speaking more quickly than normal, as if he's afraid I might not let him finish. "My leg was pretty messed up. The bones were shattered, both the tibia and the fibula. But I heal really fast – it's part of the whole wolf thing. So I haven't needed the crutches for about two weeks now. And in the interest of being completely honest, I need to tell you that it wasn't a skiing accident either, but _please_ trust me that it would be better if I explain that part later on. I promise I'll tell you as much as you want to know, but we need to take it slowly, and there are some things I need to show you first."

"Okay," I say, drawing the word out. I'm not quite sure what to make of all of that, and I'm starting to wonder how many more "revelations" he needs to share. The whole "healing fast" thing doesn't make any sense, so either he's been faking the injury from the beginning, or it wasn't nearly as bad as as he's making it sound.

"So you'll come outside with me?" he asks uncertainly, his brows drawn together.

"Yeah," I say, picking up my jacket and starting to put it on.

His face relaxes a little as he sees that I'm willing to go outside with him. "Once you've seen this for yourself, the other things like my leg should make more sense," he says, sounding as though he is trying to reassure himself.

"Why are you still using the crutch if you don't need it?" I ask.

"If I stop using it too soon, people will notice. If Nessie hadn't told you I broke it skiing the week before you met me, we could have told people here that it happened a few weeks earlier, and I could have stopped using the crutches as soon as my leg was healed. But we told people four to six weeks, so…" He shrugs.

He offers me his hand again once I have my jacket on, and I take it and let him lead me down the stairs to the ground floor of my dorm and then out into the cold night air. We walk through the parking lot and then continue on into the woods at the back of the lot. His behavior is decidedly weird, but it still feels so good to be holding his hand. Somehow, just feeling his touch makes me feel like everything is going to be okay, but as the lights from the parking lot grow more and more distant and we get further into the woods I become more nervous about what's going to happen.

I wonder what's really going on inside his head. Will I know when he thinks he has changed into a wolf? How should I react? Maybe it's supposed to be some sort of spiritual transformation, something I wouldn't be able to see. That might make a little more sense. But he seemed to indicate earlier that there would be a physical change. Should I try to humor him for the time being and pretend that I really see a wolf?

We come to a small clearing, and he releases my hand and tosses the crutch aside and then turns back to me again. My eyes have begun to adjust to the darkness, and I can see his face clearly in the moonlight. He looks at me intently and then gently traces over my face with his fingertips, brushing up my cheeks and around my jaw line. I forget to breathe as his fingers trail ever-so-delicately across my lips. His touch is incredibly distracting, and for a moment I almost forget what we came out here for – I just want to kiss him again.

"You'll need to stay right here," he says, taking a step back. "You can't be too close to me or you could get hurt. And please try to remember not to scream - we don't need anyone coming out here to see what's going on. Even when I'm a wolf, I'm still me, and I won't hurt you. I won't be able to talk, but I can still hear and understand anything you say to me. Okay?"

I nod. He really seems to think he can turn into a wolf. Maybe he really is delusional. But he's still my Seth, and he's wrong if he thinks this could keep me from wanting to be around him. He's too important to me, and I care too much to just walk away from him. If he needs help, I'll make sure that he gets it. Maybe he just needs the right medication.

He moves into the middle of the clearing and then pauses, suddenly looking worried about something, and maybe a little frustrated.

"What's wrong?" I ask. Is he finally realizing that I'm not really going to see a wolf?

"Um, I didn't bring any extra clothes," he says, sounding embarrassed. "I hadn't realized we'd be doing this tonight. Clothes don't phase with me – they kind of get destroyed in the process - so when I change back to human form…" He laughs awkwardly. "I'm going to have to take off my shirt and pants now so I'll have something left to put back on afterward. Then, when I'm ready to shift back to human form, unless you want to see me completely naked you'll need to turn around while I phase back and put my clothes back on. I'll give you a signal to let you know when, okay?"

"Okay," I agree, humoring him as I wonder how much stranger this could possibly get. And my mind is still turning circles trying to figure out what's really going on. Surely he doesn't really believe all of this wolf business. Is it possible that he's just pulling my leg? Could this be some kind of strange initiation ritual, something he puts all his potential girlfriends through to see how they'll react? Or maybe it's just an excuse to go out into the woods and get naked? But why would he want to do anything this bizarre, especially tonight when we just had our first kiss? That kiss was so perfect!

I watch as he shrugs off his shirt, unfastens his walking boot from his not-so-injured leg, and pulls off his pants, socks, and shoe. Then, standing in his boxers, he folds the clothing haphazardly and places the items in a pile near a tree. With the dim moonlight that's filtering through the trees, I can't see him from this distance as clearly as I'd like, but I've seen him in just cutoff sweatpants before, and my memory fills in the details I can't make out. His body is just surreal. When does he have time to work out so much? I've never even heard him mention going to a gym.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah. I was just admiring the view."

"You ready?" he asks. He's grinning at my remark, but there is still nervousness in his voice.

"Sure," I answer.

"Remember, I'm still me."

Right before my eyes, his body explodes into the form of a wolf! It happens so fast that I'm left wondering if I really just saw that; my brain is protesting at the impossibility of what I've just witnessed. I shriek and take a few steps back as the enormous wolf replaces Seth's form, but I quickly cover my mouth as I remember that he had asked me not to scream.

"What just happened?" I demand, my heart beating wildly as I nearly trip over a tree root in my effort to put a safer distance between myself and the creature in front of me. Maybe Seth is a magician. I've seen illusionists perform similar tricks on TV, but don't they usually cover the person with a sheet or something first?

I hear no response to my question other than a short bark from the wolf. My mind is racing - I can't see Seth anywhere, and I'm alone in the woods with this unnaturally huge wolf, or whatever this creature is.

"Seth!" I call out frantically as I look around, hoping he will come out from behind a tree and tell me it is all a joke.

The wolf lies down as though trying to appear less threatening and kind of whines. It's looking at me almost quizzically. Then I notice its eyes. They seem to have intelligence behind them, and they really do somehow remind me of Seth.

"Seth?" I ask again, hesitantly this time. I cautiously take a single step closer to the animal and it doesn't move. I feel really stupid as I ask, "Is that really you?"

It nods its head! The wolf is actually nodding its head in answer to my question!

"Can I… Can I touch you?" I ask, still feeling silly to be talking to an animal. There's no way this is really Seth.

The wolf nods again and rests its chin on its paws.

I approach the animal very slowly and cautiously, and it still doesn't move. When I am standing right next to it, I stoop down and tentatively extend my hand toward the top of its head. Its eyes – _his_ eyes – are watching me, and he lies perfectly still. I stroke the fur on the top of his head. His ears go back and his tongue hangs lazily from his mouth in a very contented and somehow Seth-like sort of way. When I stop, he starts to move and I step back. He stands up again, and up close he looks even larger. Standing on all fours, he is as tall as a full-grown horse. He nuzzles his head against my neck and shoulder.

Then he backs away a little and seems to be trying to tell me something by gesturing with his head. Finally, I remember that I am supposed to turn around, so I do. A few seconds later I hear the sound of jeans being pulled on and zipped.

"I'm decent now," he says.

It is so good to hear his familiar voice again. I turn back around and he is getting ready to put his shirt back on.

"You can –," I blurt out before stopping myself. "Never mind." I can't believe I've almost asked him to leave his shirt off. We're going to need to talk when we go back inside, and it'll be better if I'm not so distracted from looking at his face. Besides, it's barely forty degrees out, and he's got to be cold.

"I can what?" he asks.

"Nothing," I insist. "Really."

"Okay," he says in a puzzled tone, still looking at me.

He re-buttons the shirt, puts his socks, shoe, and walking boot back on, stuffs something into his pocket, and then comes over to where I am standing.

"I'm so glad you're still here," he says softly. "Please tell me what you're thinking."

"That was really you?" I ask, still trying to wrap my head around it.

"Yeah. Freaky, huh?"

I laugh uneasily. "Definitely," I answer. It's still hard to believe I actually saw that.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I nod.

"You believe me now?" he asks.

"Yeah, but I'm still trying to figure out how that could really happen."

"I know. It was hard for me too, even though I grew up hearing the legends. But you don't think I'm crazy anymore, right?"

I shake my head.

"And how do you feel about having a boyfriend who can morph into a giant wolf?"

The question sounds so absurd that I want to laugh, but Seth looks so vulnerable, and I can see how worried he is. And I'm still not completely sure what has just happened, but I know I need my Seth.

"It doesn't change how I feel about you," I assure him, looking into his eyes so he can see that I really mean it.

He places one finger under my chin and gently tilts my head back. He leans toward me, much more confident this time. I thrill with the anticipation of another kiss, and I am not disappointed. As our mouths meet, I reach up and put my arms around his neck and let my fingers explore the edge of his hairline. His neck and mouth are still so warm, even out here in the cold air. He is less tentative, more purposeful than before, and this kiss lasts much longer than our first one. The gentle pressure of his mouth against mine feels amazing. His lips part slightly, and I follow suit, allowing him to deepen the kiss. The inside of his mouth is even warmer, and I can still hardly believe he's actually kissing me.

After a moment, he steps back, panting.

"I'm loving this," he tells me, rubbing my cheek with his thumb and then running it lightly across my lips. "But there's more I need to explain. Wanna go back inside?"

I nod. My knees feel weak, and what I really want is to stay right here and kiss him some more, but I know this is important. He has something he feels he needs to tell me, and after what he's just shown me, I trust that it is something of significance. We should go inside. I can't imagine what more there might be – certainly nothing could be more shocking than seeing him literally turn into a wolf.

At least he isn't crazy. Or maybe we both are.


	18. There's More

**There's More**

~~ Thursday, January 19, 2017 – 11PM ~~

Seth picks up his crutch, carrying it rather than using it as we walk out of the woods. He resumes the act once we get to the edge of the parking lot, and we continue walking hand in hand back to my dorm. I keep replaying in my mind how it looked when he exploded into a wolf, though the memories of that second kiss are giving those thoughts some serious competition.

"You really just turned into a wolf?" I ask again, still needing confirmation that I didn't imagine what I just saw.

"Yeah," he says, looking a little amused. "You saw me phase. You touched me and ran your hands through my fur. Didn't I feel real?"

Well, it definitely wasn't someone in a costume. It was a real flesh-and-blood animal. "Well, yeah, it felt real, and I saw you change, but…things like that just don't really happen."

"I know. That's what I used to think. And I know it has to be harder for you; I at least grew up hearing the stories. And I knew my parents actually believed them. So when I saw Leah phase that first time, I was shocked, and it upset me, but I still kind of understood it."

"Yeah, I think it's going to take me some time to get used the idea."

"I hope you won't be so afraid of me next time," he says. "It was a horrible feeling, wanting to go comfort you but knowing it would only scare you more."

"I think it was mainly just the shock of seeing it actually happen," I tell him, wanting to reassure him and feeling a little excited at the idea that there will be a next time. "I totally did _not_ expect to actually see a wolf, and I especially didn't expect to see such a really huge wolf."

He laughs. "Sorry. I should have warned you more about the size."

"So what does it feel like when you're a wolf?" I ask as we wait for the elevator, careful to keep my voice low.

"Well, I mostly still feel like myself," he says, speaking softly, "but stronger and more powerful. I can run extremely fast, and I love the speed. I also have a heightened sense of smell and enhanced vision. And if any other members of the pack are also in wolf form, we can hear each other's thoughts, and we have sort of a group consciousness we can tap into."

"You can hear each other's thoughts?" I ask, astounded. I never would have believed that could be possible, but if he could change into a wolf…

"Yeah. It was pretty weird at first. But it helps us work together well, especially since we can't actually talk when we're in wolf form. And it's part of why we're all so close, like family. If one of us is worried about something, we all know about it. It was hard for some of the guys at first, but they've all learned to deal with it, and everybody is used to it now. That part never really bothered me for some reason. I've always just thought it was really cool."

"I think it's because you're such a good person that you're not worried about what they hear you thinking," I tell him, giving his hand a squeeze.

He shrugs. "I just don't have anything to hide, I guess. We're family and we all support each other. It helped me having them around after Dad died – I felt bad that they had to share my grief in a pretty literal way, but it was also kind of comforting knowing that they really understood what I was going through."

The elevator doors finally open, and two girls I don't know step out, laughing loudly and obviously absorbed in their own conversation. They don't give us a second glance, and we step into the elevator and wait for the doors to close. I'm glad it's empty because I still have so many questions.

"So this thing where you turn into a wolf started before your dad died?" I ask.

"Right after, actually. Everything I told you before about his death was true, but I left out the supernatural parts. The first time Leah phased into a wolf, we were all in our living room – my parents and Leah and I – and she was arguing with them. Dad had had heart problems for a while, but seeing her phase was apparently what triggered his heart attack. Mom said that even though he knew about Jake and Sam -."

"Jake?" I interrupt. "You mean Nessie's Jake?"

"Yeah," he says with an odd smile. "Jake's our pack leader."

"So he can turn into a wolf too?"

"Right. And there are a few others who still live back on the res."

The elevator stops at my floor, and as we step out, we notice some other people up ahead in the hall, so we stop talking as we complete the walk to my room. I'm kind of glad because I'm still trying to process the idea that Jake can turn into a wolf like Seth just did. I guess it makes sense; after all, they are members of the same tribe.

Finally we get into my room and close the door so we can continue our conversation without worrying about being overheard.

"I'm sorry, I think I interrupted you earlier," I tell Seth as he lays his crutch aside. "What were you saying about your dad and Jake?"

"Oh. Just that Dad knew Jake and Sam and some of the others had started phasing, and Mom said he had been worried that it would happen to me when I got older, but he never thought it would happen to his daughter. All of the wolves in the legends had been male, so it hadn't occurred to anyone that it could happen to a girl. It was a pretty huge shock for him."

"Yeah, I can see how that could give someone a heart attack."

"Leah's carried around a lot of guilt about being the cause of his death. She never wanted to be part of the pack - she hated phasing, hated being in wolf form, hated us hearing her thoughts, hated everything about it."

"So why did she do it? Why would she 'phase' if she hated it so much?" I ask.

"When it first starts happening, you have no control over it at all," he explains. "You get angry about something, and suddenly your body shifts into another form. It was really very scary at first, and the transformation was extremely disorienting – you suddenly find yourself unable to speak and unable to use your hands, and when you look down at yourself you see fur and paws. You have to learn how to control your emotions, and it takes a lot of practice to figure out how to trigger it only when you want to phase and prevent it when you don't."

"And you can control it now, right?" I ask. "It doesn't happen when you don't want it to anymore?"

"Right. It was just the first couple of weeks that were kind of difficult. And for some reason it seemed like I adjusted more quickly than most of the others – we think it was probably because I actually _enjoyed_ being part of the pack. Remember when I was telling you earlier about the special club I joined right after my dad died? The wolf pack was what I was really referring to whenever I mentioned the club. I was the youngest one who had phased up to that point, so it was pretty cool for me to get to be part of it. We think I started so young because of what all I'd gone through that day."

"You mean because of your dad's death?"

"Yeah," he says, taking my hands and holding them lightly. "Well, that, and I was already rather shaken up over seeing Leah phase and learning the legends were true. There seems to be something about strong emotion that triggers the onset of phasing, and that was a pretty crazy day all the way around. Right after Leah phased, Dad went into cardiac arrest. Mom was doing CPR, and she had me call Billy and Sam. They came right over, and Jake too since he had to drive Billy. Leah was still there in the living room with us, stuck in wolf form, so Sam led her out of the house, and Billy called for an ambulance while Jake and I cleared out the broken furniture so the paramedics wouldn't be asking questions about it. Then Jake went to stay with Leah for a while, and Sam drove Billy and me to the hospital while Mom rode in the ambulance with Dad. Bella's dad, Charlie, met us there because he and Dad were good friends, so I spent most of the day in Dad's hospital room with Mom, Billy, and Charlie. Sam had to leave as soon as he dropped us off because he needed to get back to Leah, plus there were some other things going on that day on the reservation that he had to deal with. It was also the same day as Bella's cliff-diving accident, but I didn't know about that until later. Anyway, things were pretty tense there in the hospital because the doctor had told us Dad's outlook wasn't good. And we were all worried about Leah, but we couldn't talk about it because Charlie was there, and he didn't know about any of the supernatural stuff back then. All we could do was sit there, hoping and praying that Dad would somehow regain consciousness. It felt like that day went on forever."

"Yeah, those last couple of days with my mom, not knowing how much time she had left – it felt like forever during the times I was waiting for her to wake up, but at the same time it all went by so fast," I say, knowing it's not quite the same thing. He had still had some hope that his dad might recover and was dealing with all of that uncertainty, whereas with my mom I knew it was only a matter of time.

Seth nods and then continues, emotion now thick in his voice. "Dad died later that same evening. Mom was devastated. She just sat there holding his hand for so long, tears streaming down her face. Charlie stood looking out the window, and even Billy was crying. But my initial reaction was anger. I had never been so angry at anything in my entire life, and I didn't understand where it was coming from. I wasn't even sure who I was angry at. It wasn't long after that that I started feeling like I was getting a fever. I didn't say anything at first because it didn't seem important, considering everything else that was going on, but Mom noticed how warm I was when she hugged me. She said something about how I must be getting the flu, but Billy recognized the signs even though I was too young – I was barely fourteen, and all the other guys had been sixteen or older. When Sam came back, Billy told him I wasn't feeling well and that he thought I had 'the same thing as Leah.' I knew what that meant, so I followed Sam out to the woods behind the hospital, and it wasn't long before I phased for the first time. Poor Sam had been running back and forth all day between the hospital, Leah, Bella, and some other stuff that was going on, so I was really lucky he came back when he did."

"Yeah, it sounds like a close call," I observe.

"I'm not sure what would've happened if I'd phased there in the hospital room in front of Charlie and the nurses," he says with a small laugh.

"So what was it like, phasing for the first time?" I ask. "You said it was scary at first, right?"

"It felt super crazy the first time, but at least I had some warning and knew it was about to happen. I was still pretty angry for no real reason – I think that was just part of the mood swings that go along with it in the beginning, even for those who hadn't just lost a parent. So my emotions were all over the place, mostly anger and sadness about Dad, but I was also excited and a little scared about the whole phasing thing. Having Sam there with me for the first few minutes helped a lot because he explained what was going on, explained the sensations I was feeling and the mind-sharing, and he gave me some tips on ways I could try to calm myself. Then he had to leave me for about an hour to drive Billy home and find me a change of clothes, so he left me with Embry for a while. Embry mostly just kept me company so I wouldn't be alone with Leah."

"Leah was there with you, too?"

"No, not physically. She was still in the woods out behind our house. She was still stuck in wolf form because she hadn't calmed down enough to phase back to human form yet."

"So you could hear her from that far away? How close was the hospital from your house?"

"It was about a twenty minute drive, but we can hear each other from any distance. If I phased right now, and one of my pack-mates on the reservation was in wolf form, we'd be able to hear each other."

"Really?" I ask, even more amazed.

"Yeah. And Leah's thoughts were really loud because she was so upset. She learned Dad had died as soon as I phased that first time since she could hear it in my thoughts. So she was even more agitated than she had been before. And I was dealing with all of her crazy emotions in addition to my own, plus all the unrelated things Sam and Embry were worried about. Sam was our leader at that time, so he had been trying to calm Leah down and help her, but he was her ex-boyfriend, so there was a lot of awkwardness there, plus she felt horribly guilty over causing Dad's death. And she just generally hated the whole situation. And on top of everything else, she was super annoyed to realize that her little brother was overhearing all of her thoughts. So it helped to have Embry there to distract us from each other – otherwise we'd have just kept feeding off of each other's grief and anger, making it worse for each other. And we were doing that anyway, because we couldn't really block each other out, but it helped having someone with us. Leah's mind was really not a fun place to be, so I tried to focus on Embry as much as possible until Sam finally returned and was able to help me get back to human form."

"I can't imagine having to deal with all of that right when you lost your dad," I tell him, thinking of both him and his sister. Having other people hearing all your innermost thoughts would be awful – and hearing other people's thoughts doesn't sound very pleasant either.

"Yeah. At least I had the pack to help me adjust. There were already six others who could phase, besides Leah and me. Sam had been around the longest. The most recent wolves before him had been in our great-grandfathers' time, and in the years since they died, pretty much everyone had stopped believing the legends were real. Sam was the first one in our generation to phase, so he was completely alone the first time it happened. It took him several days before he calmed down enough that he was able to shift back to human form, and even then, he thought he had been hallucinating at first. So compared to him, I had it really easy. The whole thing was still kind of tough for me at first, just the shock of it all along with losing my dad and not being able to go to his funeral, but as I learned more about what was going on, I soon realized I loved being part of the pack. I guess it kind of made me feel special to be part of that special 'club' where I got to hang out with older kids. And being able to turn into a wolf was just really cool."

I can see from his grin how much he still enjoys it. It _is_ really cool, but I still don't understand at all how he can actually do that. How does his shape change so drastically? Where does all the fur come from?

"What's it like physically when you're turning into a wolf?" I ask. "What happens to your skin? Does fur grow that quickly and then just sink back inside?" I reach up and gently rub his cheek with my fingertips. It feels like normal skin – very warm, very masculine, but very human.

He laughs and catches my hand again as I begin to lower it. "We all gave up trying to figure that out a long time ago," he says. "Shape-shifting kind of defies explanation. The transition is pretty wild; one instant I'm a person, and the next I'm on all fours and my senses are on overload, and when I shift back it's like everything suddenly goes silent – well, in comparison anyway. But there's not really a physical transition where fur is growing or shrinking. I'm always either human or wolf; there's not really an in-between."

"Really? It's instantaneous? Just 'poof' and you're a wolf?"

"Yeah. Embry even videoed Jake one time, and we watched it frame by frame, and there was nothing in between. One frame he was human, and the next he was a wolf. They tried it about ten different times, same result every time. So if there's a transition phase, it's too fast to be captured on video. But in either form, there's still a supernatural element there. Even as a human – at least ever since I started phasing – I have enhanced hearing and greater-than-normal strength. And like I mentioned earlier, I heal really fast."

"What about the way you're always so warm? Is that part of it too?" I ask, noting the heat of his hand in mine. Tonight is the first time he's held my hand except for those few seconds in the car on the way to my mom's house. Otherwise, he's never touched my skin more than briefly. And this amount of warmth is definitely not normal.

"Right," he says. "My normal body temperature is nearly ten degrees higher than a normal person's. That's one of the main reasons I was trying not to touch you too much at first – I was afraid you'd think I had a fever and start asking questions I couldn't answer without making up more lies."

"I'd noticed you always felt warm, but I just thought it was because I tend to feel cold."

"Yeah, I was really relieved when you jumped to that conclusion," he says.

The mixed signals I was getting from him before tonight and the way he always seemed to be trying to maintain his personal space make a lot more sense now. It occurs to me that the times he had put his arm around me or hugged me, I was wearing thick, long-sleeved pullover shirts or sweaters. I had noticed he was warm, but without him touching my skin it hadn't been so obvious that he had an abnormal body temperature. And the one time he had held my hand, that time in the car on the way to the bank, my hand had gotten sweaty. I had thought that was due to my being a little nervous and excited that he was holding my hand, but maybe it was partly due to his body temperature. I hope it doesn't happen again now. Maybe that's why he started holding my hand more loosely after we got back inside the building where it's not so cold.

"Should we sit down?" I ask, suddenly realizing I've been so caught up in what Seth has been telling me that we are still standing here, just inside the door to my room.

"Yeah," he says. "That sounds like a good idea. There's quite a bit more I need to tell you."

I sit down on the bed and lean against the wall like we do when we're using my laptop, leaving space so he can sit next to me. But he sits in the desk chair again, and I'm a little surprised by the seriousness of his expression.

"Is there more than the wolf stuff?" I ask as I scoot forward to sit on the edge of the bed so that we're sitting face to face.

"Yeah," he says with a sigh. "Well, it's all sort of related, but some of it may scare you or upset you more than what I've told you so far."

"I'm listening," I tell him, unsure of what could possibly be more shocking than what I witnessed tonight.

"Well, to begin with, there are some more things about myself that I haven't been completely honest about, besides the crutches," he says, watching me carefully to gauge my response. "I've tried very, very hard to be as truthful with you as possible, but I couldn't tell you about the supernatural stuff right off the bat, or you would have thought I was crazy."

"Okay, so what did you lie about?"

"Well, for one thing, I let you believe that I'm nineteen, but that's not my real age."

"So how old are you?" I ask, surprised. He certainly looks nineteen. "Are you older or younger?"

"It depends on how you look at it. As I mentioned earlier, I was fourteen when I started phasing. I had sort of an accelerated puberty right around that time, and I kept aging more rapidly than normal for the first year or so afterward, and then the aging slowed and eventually stopped completely. Most of the other guys ended up looking about twenty-five, but I've always looked young for my age, and it seems I can pass for nineteen or twenty pretty easily - especially if I dress like a college student. So I went with nineteen for my enrollment at Dartmouth. So as for my actual age, I haven't aged any since I was sixteen, and I've looked like I do now for the last nine years, but I was actually born twenty-five years ago, in 1992."

"Twenty-five," I repeat. That isn't so bad. "That isn't _that_ much older than me. I'll be nineteen in a couple of months, so that's only about six years' difference. And we do _look_ the same age. And we're both freshmen."

"Yeah."

"So you're not aging at all?" I ask. "You'll still look nineteen when you graduate?" And when I'm in my thirties or forties, he'll still look nineteen?

"Only if I keep phasing," he says. "If I stop, I'll start aging normally again after a while. That's what Leah did. She stopped shortly after she met Cody because they wanted to have kids. I think I'll probably keep phasing for a while, but eventually I'd like to stop and be normal again."

I nod, wondering if I'll be looking noticeably older than him by the time we graduate. But as I look at him now with this new information, I do see how he might be able to pass for twenty-five if he dressed differently. Even wearing short sleeves would probably make him look older since all those muscles would be visible.

"There's more," he continues. "I have a degree in veterinary medicine. I've had my own practice in the state of Washington for about a year and a half – that's the reason for the title you saw on my credit card."

"So you really are Dr. Seth Clearwater." It is impressive, but it also makes the age thing seem a lot more real.

"Yes. My focus is on canine and lupine patients."

"Dogs and -?" I look at him, narrowing my eyes as I try to think what the other word means.

"Wolves," he finishes for me, grinning.

"Of course," I say with a small laugh, and that familiar grin of his – the one I love so much – helps put me at ease about the age thing, at least for now. He's still the same Seth, even if he's older than he looks. Then I remember something else. "Wait a minute. You told me earlier that you liked to hunt. So you're a veterinarian who likes to hunt?"

"Yeah," he says, laughing. "What I didn't mention earlier is that my hunting is done in wolf form. Wolves are carnivores, so when I'm a wolf and I get hungry… I know that probably sounds really gross. Raw meat is disgusting to me, too, when I'm human. But when I'm a wolf, it somehow feels normal."

Um, yeah. Definitely really gross. "I'll try not to think about that one too much," I tell him, trying to think of another subject. "So what made you interested in becoming a veterinarian?"

"Well, my friends and I used to spend a lot of time in wolf form, and there was always the possibility that someone could become too sick or injured to phase back, so I thought it would be a good idea if one of us knew how to provide medical care for wolves."

"That sounds exactly like what you would do – choosing a career based on how you can most help your friends and family," I tell him, impressed at the reasons behind his choice.

"Well, it's also practical," he says, shrugging. "And I've always like science. It just seemed like a good fit."

"So you've already had what, six or eight years of college?"

"Six," he confirms. "It normally takes eight, but I took summer classes and squeezed in enough extra credit hours that I was able to get through undergraduate at Washington State in three years and then three more in veterinary school. I wanted to finish as quickly as I could because I'm not aging, and I was a little worried people would notice that at school, plus I wanted to open a practice near the reservation where there's a greater chance of having clients who know me and know my real age, so I wouldn't be able to stay as long if I graduated at age twenty-six. I'd be claiming thirty in just four years. Do you think anyone would believe that?" He laughs. "Besides, I was eager to get started with my own practice."

"So if you've already finished college, what are you doing here at Dartmouth? You didn't enjoy working as much as you expected?"

"I promise I'll answer all of your questions, but first, I need to know – you really aren't upset that I wasn't completely honest with you?" he asks hopefully. "I've hated hiding things from you, but you wouldn't have believed the truth. I just wanted a chance for us to get to know each other."

"I'm not upset," I assure him. "Really." I'm not sure there is anything that could make me angry with him. On the contrary, after what I've learned tonight, I am even more in awe of him than before.

Seth breathes a sigh of relief. "You're amazing," he says.

"Me?" I ask. "You can turn into a wolf, and you think _I'm_ amazing?"

He laughs and leans toward me to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "You don't know how worried I've been about that. I've been so afraid I might lose your trust."

"No, after seeing that wolf thing, I can understand why you didn't tell me everything earlier. And I'm not sure you even lied to me about anything – it sounds like you just didn't mention certain things."

"Right. That's what I was trying to do…just avoid telling you about the supernatural things until the time seemed right, but I still intentionally misled you, and I didn't correct any of the lies Nessie told you."

"Well, consider yourself forgiven," I tell him.

"Thanks. You really are amazing." He smiles at me, and I'm struck again at how completely gorgeous he is. It seems impossible that he hasn't been with other girls, especially considering that he's actually twenty-five. And he said earlier that there were more things he hadn't told me that I might be upset about – maybe this is one of them.

"So in six years of college, you never had a girlfriend?" I ask. "Or is that one of the things you were misleading me about? It's not a big deal if it is. I'm just trying to understand. There had to have been girls who were interested in you, and you really seemed like you knew what you were doing when we kissed."

He grins. "I was honest about that. And I never said I didn't have opportunities. I just never took advantage of them. I know it probably seems a little strange that I'm twenty-five and have never had a girlfriend or even had a real date. But I was focused on getting my degree, and I avoided getting involved with anyone because I couldn't exactly go around telling people I can turn into a wolf, and even in human form I'm not normal. It would have been too big of a risk; someone could have learned too much. I didn't want a relationship where I'd have to hide something that's such an important part of who I am. It wouldn't have been real, it wouldn't have lasted, and it wouldn't have been fair to either me or the girl."

"But you shared your secret with me," I point out, feeling incredibly privileged that he's telling me things he's apparently never told anyone outside his tribe before.

"Yeah. You're very special," he says, leaning forward slightly. He reaches out and traces along my jawline with his fingertips, looking at me as though I'm some fragile, priceless work of art.

"You make me feel special," I tell him, placing my hand over his. "Is there a reason you're sitting way over there?"

He laughs and then stands up, pushes the chair back over to my desk, and sits down on the bed next to me. I lean against him and he puts his arm around me, much like the night when I fell asleep on him, except we're much closer now with no computer between us.

"I was afraid I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the things I needed to tell you if we were sitting too close," he says, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. "And I wasn't sure how you were going to react to learning that I'm not a normal nineteen-year-old freshman. I didn't want to be sitting too close in case you decided to slap me or punch me or something."

"Seth! You know I wouldn't do that!" I protest, turning my head to look up at his face only to find a teasing grin. We both laugh.

"You're right. This is much more comfortable," Seth says.

"Can you tell me more about your leg?" I ask, eyeing the apparently unnecessary walking boot he's wearing. "Is it really completely healed?"

"Yeah, it's one hundred percent healed. Carlisle cleared me for normal activity early last week. Any time I'm injured, my body repairs itself at a very accelerated rate. A cut on the arm or hand would heal within minutes. I wouldn't even have a scar."

"Really?" I say, surprised.

"Yeah. You want a demonstration of that, too?" he asks.

"Um, no. Please don't," I tell him, taken aback at the idea of him hurting himself. And besides that, I definitely don't want to see any blood.

"Good," he says, laughing. "It's not something I like to do just for kicks."

"You'd really cut yourself just to show me how fast you can heal?"

"Sure, if you wanted proof. It's not really a big deal – a small cut would heal in less than a minute."

"That's okay; I trust you," I assure him. "So skin heals almost immediately, and bones take a week?"

"It depends on the type of bone injury. A clean break to a small bone like a finger would heal pretty quickly. Extensive damage to large bones can take longer. I think my leg was back to normal a little before a week, but Carlisle wanted me to wait a full week before putting weight on it or phasing, just to be sure. It had already mostly fused back together before he did surgery, but it was so shattered that the bones had to be rebroken so it could be set properly."

"I don't think I need any more details on the surgery," I tell him, cringing at the thought of re-breaking bones. "So you've broken fingers before too?"

"No, but Jake and a couple of the others have."

"Oh. So can you tell me how you broke your leg now?" I ask, looking up at him. "You said it wasn't really a ski trip."

"Right. Nessie made up the ski trip story. We were in Europe, though not exactly the Swiss Alps. We were actually in Italy. And it happened when she said it did. But I'm going to ask you to let me explain the details later on. I really think it would be too much for one night, okay?" He looks at me pleadingly.

"So it involves more supernatural stuff?" I ask.

"Yeah. There are other things I'd need to explain first before it would make sense, and I know you're probably still sort of in shock from seeing me turn into a wolf. I don't want to keep secrets from you, but I just think it would be better if we wait on this. Okay?"

As much as I want to know everything, I can't resist the pleading look on his face. "Okay," I reluctantly agree. "But I'm going to remember to ask you again later."

"Thanks." I feel him plant a kiss in my hair.

"So you said Jake is the pack leader?" I ask, wondering how Nessie reacted to learning about all of this.

"Right. He rarely uses his authority, though. Like tonight, if he'd ordered me not to tell that story, and if he put the weight of an alpha command behind it, I physically wouldn't have been able to open my mouth. But I knew he wouldn't use it for something stupid like that."

"You mean Jake can actually control you?"

"When we're in wolf form, there could be times when the pack needs to function as one cohesive unit, and if we're all arguing or going off in different directions, things might not work out too well, and someone could get hurt. It's important to have a clear leader who can control everyone if he needs to. You can think of it like a military chain of command, except that it's literally not possible to disobey orders."

"What kinds of things has he ordered you to do?"

"Jake? He's actually never used it with me. There were a couple of times he used it with some of the others, but it was just to keep someone from getting hurt. But Sam used it a lot. Back when we used to all be one pack, Sam wouldn't let us tell anyone that we could phase into wolves, not even our closest friends or family unless they were on the tribal council. There were some kids who couldn't even tell their parents. And Sam made me break up with the girl I mentioned earlier who was sort of my girlfriend then."

"Were you upset about that?"

"I felt bad dumping her because she was a nice girl and I didn't like hurting her feelings, but it wasn't like we were madly in love or anything. And Sam was right that it wasn't safe for her to be around me then because I hadn't learned to control myself very well yet."

"So you all used to be one pack, and now there are more?"

"There are two now. Jake was always the rightful leader, by birthright, but he had never accepted the role. Sam was the very first one to phase, and he was also the oldest member of the pack, so he was original leader by default. But the pack had gotten really large, and one day Jake disagreed with Sam on something and finally asserted himself as an alpha. Some of us followed Jake, and the rest stayed with Sam, so that's how we ended up with two packs. But we all get along with each other fine now – there's no conflict between the two packs."

"What did you mean about Jake being the leader by birthright? Was that because his dad was on the council? Why wouldn't you be a leader too? Both of your parents were on the council."

"Well, if our tribe still had a chief, it would have been Billy Black, and Jake would have been next in line. And since Jake is a pack leader, he would actually be in charge now instead of Billy even though he's younger. So if we still had the old system that was in place before the mid-nineteen thirties, Jake would be the tribe's chief right now. As it is, he and Sam are considered the two most senior council members even though they're actually the youngest."

"So Jake's one of the main leaders of your whole tribe?" I ask, surprised.

"Yeah. He and Sam are both very highly respected within the tribe. And they've earned it, too."

"It's just hard to imagine Jake with so much responsibility," I say. "I guess he seems kind of intense at times, but usually he seems pretty laid back. And you and he seem to treat each other as equals. Or is that just an act when you're around regular people, and he's like your boss the rest of the time?"

"No, it's not an act at all. Jake's one of my best friends. It's kind of hard not to be close to someone when you've been sharing minds off and on for eleven years. And I know I annoyed him a lot at first. I was always asking him so many questions, and sometimes I didn't know when to shut up. But he was really very patient, considering, and he's never liked the idea of ordering people around or taking away their will. He's never treated us like underlings or anything like that."

I nod, unsure of what else to ask about the packs, but then I remember the thing I was really wondering about when I first asked about Jake. "How did Nessie react when Jake first told her about all of this?"

He kind of hesitates, looking oddly surprised by the question. "Um, she was pretty young the first time she saw him phase. She never really questioned it, to be honest. I think it's probably always seemed normal to her."

"Oh. I didn't realize she'd known him that long."

"Yeah. She's lied quite a bit about her past, in the interest of protecting our supernatural secrets, but that's part of the stuff I'd like to wait on explaining."

"You're making me really curious," I tell him.

"I know. And I promise I'll tell you everything. But like I said earlier, the details are really too much to cover in one night. I don't want to overwhelm you with too much information, and besides that, it would just take too long. You're tired. See? You're yawning again."

"I'm not _that_ tired," I argue, trying to suppress a second yawn.

"You've already learned that your boyfriend is a twenty-five-year-old veterinarian who can shapeshift into a wolf. That had to have been more than a little shocking. Let's give you some time to process that before we move on, okay?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Just the 'boyfriend' part is a lot for me to process. I never thought you'd be interested in me."

"Well, let me assure you that I'm definitely very interested." He continues to stare into my eyes for a few seconds, and then we share another gentle kiss. "G'night," he says softly, before standing up to put on his jacket.

"Seth?" I ask, beginning to panic at the thought of him walking out the door.

"Yes?"

"I don't want you to leave. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up tomorrow and find out this was all a really crazy dream. And I want it to be real."

"I can sleep here, if you want – you've got an extra bed," he says, gesturing to Brianna's bed. "So when you wake up tomorrow you'll see that I'm still here."

"Really? You're not worried about curfew?" I ask. He's always seemed concerned about it before.

"I've been known to break the rules occasionally," he says with a wink. He takes off his jacket and hangs it back over my desk chair.

"I'm just going to go change into my PJs. I'll be right back," I tell him.

"Okay."

I grab my things and head off to the bathroom shared by my hall. I change in there, brush my teeth, and wash my face.

I then hurry back to my room. Seth is still there, but he has fallen asleep already, stretched out on top of Brianna's bed. He hadn't even bothered to turn the covers down. I turn out the lights and get into my own bed, but I can't get comfortable and I feel cold even under the covers. I don't want to turn up the heat like I normally would because I know it will make Seth too warm. And I'd really rather be over there with him anyway. Deciding he won't mind, I move over to his bed, bringing my blanket with me. There's just enough room for me on the edge of the bed, and I feel warmer even though I'm not actually touching him. Then, seemingly still asleep, he reaches out and pulls me closer to him, and I end up resting my head in the crook of his arm.

I close my eyes, thinking how comfortable this is. Warm and content, I try to review each of our three kisses in my mind, hoping to dream about them, but like with the previous two times I was snuggled this close to Seth, I fall asleep quickly.

.

.

.

 _~~ Friday, January 20, 2017 ~~_

As I open my eyes and see light filtering through the blinds on the window, I realize Seth's arm is still around me, and his other arm is now around my waist.

"You awake?" he asks softly.

"Yeah," I say sleepily. "So last night was real? You really turned into a wolf?"

"Crazy but true."

I slide my hand up his arm, the one that's around my waist, enjoying the feel of his muscular arm through the thin fabric of his shirt. It's still hard for me to believe that a guy like Seth could really be interested in me.

"That feels really good," Seth whispers. "But we'd better get up if you're going to class. You don't want to skip the same class two times in a row, do you?"

"This is Friday, isn't it?" I realize in a panic. "What time is it?"

"I set my phone to go off at 7:30. You have almost an hour."

"Thanks," I say, feeling slightly relieved as we both shift to a sitting position. I should have enough time to get ready. "It feels weird to do something as normal as going to class after what you showed me last night."

"I'm sure it does," he says. "You want me to go out so you can change?"

"No, I need to take a shower. And brush my teeth," I tell him, gathering up my things to take to the bathroom. "Will you still be here when I get back?"

"Actually, I'll need to sneak out of the dorm while you're gone - my first class doesn't start until 9:30, so if I leave soon, I should have time to go home and shower and change. You usually go to the library during the break between your first two classes, right?"

"Yeah, I usually use that time to do homework or study instead of going all the way back to my room."

"I can meet you in the library when I get out of calculus, and we can walk to Dr. Baxter's class together. Does that sound okay?"

"It sounds great," I tell him. I walk over to him – he had sat down on my bed – and we share a quick kiss before I leave. Who cares if we haven't brushed our teeth yet?

The way he looks at me makes me feel beautiful even though I know my hair is a mess and I'm not wearing any makeup. His hair's a little messy, too, and his face is scratchy with the stubble that's appeared overnight. While I prefer his normal, clean-shaven look, there's still something a little sexy about it, and I can't resist reaching out to feel the roughness of his face.

He smiles, obviously enjoying the attention, but glances at my alarm clock and says, "Fifty minutes. You'd better go."

"Right." I feel mild panic at the decreasing amount of time left to get ready for class and reluctantly leave Seth in my room as I hurry off for a quick shower.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Writing Seth's description of the day he first phased turned out to be a lot harder than I expected. I thought I had it finished, and then I happened across the chapter in New Moon where Bella decided to cliff-dive and found some details I had forgotten. There were several references to Harry and the hospital, and I realized that the tidbits in the Illustrated Guide and the assumptions I made based on the Illustrated Guide weren't completely in harmony with New Moon. That morning began with Bella stopping by to find Billy alone in the house, and he seemed to be in a pretty upbeat mood and obviously did not know about Harry yet, while the entire pack was out actively chasing Victoria. Then when Bella jumps off the cliff, Jake and Sam are both there, with Jake telling Sam to go "back" to the hospital. So at some point, probably while Bella sitting around on the beach feeling bored before she went up on the cliff, Sam heard Leah phase and went to Sue's house and then to the hospital and then went back to chasing Victoria and rescuing Bella. I decided they must have taken Harry to the Forks hospital since it's the only one close and since Carlisle wasn't working there during that time. So working through that and rewriting that part of the chapter is the main reason I didn't get this chapter posted sooner.**

 **I'd originally planned to end this chapter with Chloe falling asleep, but sherryola's request for some Seth POV after chapter 17 got me thinking. I really had not planned to do anything in Seth's POV other than what was in the prologue because I wanted to keep the entire story in one consistent POV, but when I started thinking about it, I realized the two hours they're apart before meeting back at the library would be the perfect time to peek in on Seth. So I started writing, thinking I might use it as an outtake or PM it to reviewers who ask, but it's already long enough for a full chapter, and I've decided to insert it here, after chapter 18, where it fits chronologically. I'm hoping to have this "bonus chapter" finished and posted within a week or so but it may be longer since I'm still writing it and not sure how much time I'll be able to devote to it once I start back to work on Monday.**

 **As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter or the story in general!**


	19. Reflections

**A** **/N:** **I am so, so, so sorry! I had absolutely no idea I was going to go on a 7 month hiatus! I really thought I could finish this chapter in 2-3 weeks, but I wrote a lot and then got stuck, then real life intervened and I was crazy busy at work for a long time. I am now unemployed and have finally finished this "extra" chapter. I wish I could say it is worthy of a 7-month wait, but here it is anyway - a glimpse inside Seth's head. This picks up where the previous chapter left off. Chloe just left her room to go get ready for class, with plans to meet Seth in the library later that morning.  
**

* * *

 **Reflections**

~~ Friday, January 20, 2017

 _Seth's POV:_

As I put on my jacket and retrieve my crutch, I listen to the sounds of Chloe's footsteps growing more distant down the hallway. There's a slight creak as the door to the girls' bathroom at the end of the hall swings open and shut. I turn to leave her room and realize both beds are a mess, so I quickly straighten them up. Chloe's room has such a comfortable look, with an area rug, color-coordinated bedding, decorative pillows, and curtains on the window. It's such a stark contrast to Adam and Dylan's room which sports no decoration other than the piles of dirty laundry strewn about their cold tile floor. I chuckle to myself as I recall my brief visit to their room with Jake and Adam at the end of my first week as a Dartmouth student. I wish I could have seen the look on Dylan's face when he walked into his room that night and found his sparse furniture replaced by the ancient pool table from the lobby!

I take a look through the peephole and don't see anyone in the hallway, and I don't hear anyone approaching, so grab my crutch again and slip out of Chloe's room and into the stairwell, thankful that her room is so close to the stairs. I don't really care about the curfew except that I'm not sure if Chloe might get in trouble if someone sees me leaving her room at this hour.

The girls' dorm is pretty quiet this early in the morning – a lot of people are still asleep, and the others are shuffling around half-awake getting ready for their first class. I reach the bottom of the stairs, thinking I'm home-free, when I realize there's someone standing on the other side of the door into the hallway. I pause, not really wanting to get caught in the girls' dorm, but obviously there's no place to hide in the stairwell, and if I go back up I'll only increase my odds of someone seeing me here. I wait a few seconds and the door doesn't open, but there's definitely someone there, and the heartbeat and breathing pattern actually seem kind of familiar. I decide to just open the door and act like I belong here - I can always play dumb and pretend I didn't know about the curfew rules since I live off-campus.

"Thanks, man," Adam says, catching the door before it closes. He must have been waiting for someone to open the door for him since it requires a key to get to the stairs from the ground floor - and obviously he doesn't have a key to the girls' dorm. "Megan left her study notes in my room last night, and I want to slip them back under her door before she notices and freaks out. So… You and Chloe?" He raises his eyebrows.

"Yeah, she invited me up to finish a movie we'd started earlier, and I fell asleep in her room."

"No, I mean, you two are a thing now?"

"Yeah," I answer, unable to contain my huge smile, "but if you don't mind, could you wait until after Dr. Baxter's class to tell Megan and the others? I think Chloe might want to surprise everyone when we walk into class together."

"Gotcha."

Two girls come running down the steps, and Adam holds the door open wider for them as they rush past.

"See ya later," I tell Adam, and he gives a small wave and heads up the stairs.

I manage to make it down the hall and through the lobby without encountering any more of Chloe's friends. I hobble across the parking lot to my Explorer and check the time as I settle into the driver's seat – 7:45 AM. I want to call Mom and tell her about Chloe, but it's three hours earlier in Forks. She and Charlie are early risers, but they probably won't be up this early. I decide to wait and give her a call when I'm on my way to Calculus.

My mind is all over the place as I drive back to the Cullens' house. I can't believe how well everything went last night. I had been so terrified when Chloe first confronted me about Nessie's "cute couple" remark - I really hadn't expected her to bring that up even if she'd somehow heard us whispering. She had completely ignored me the time I told her how beautiful she was, and she hadn't said anything when I slipped and told her how much I enjoyed holding her that time she fell asleep on me. And she had been so quick to tell her young neighbor that we were "just friends." So to hear that she was ready for more, and that she had been worried about losing our friendship if she told me sooner – it was almost too good to be true!

And she let me kiss her! A jolt of excitement shudders through me again at the memory. I had been focused on working up the courage to tell her the truth about what I was, and when she tried to assure me it would be fine, looking into my eyes with such determination, I was completely mesmerized by her perfection. What if seeing me morph into a wolf was too much for her? What if this was my only chance? I had to kiss her at least once – if she was willing. The truth could wait for a few more minutes. And then I saw the eager look in her eyes and heard how her heart rate increased as she realized what I was asking! The most beautiful girl in the entire world actually _wanted_ me to kiss her! It seemed she had been waiting for this almost as much as I had! The way she drew me in was as powerful as the moment I first imprinted on her. When my lips touched hers, I was home. "Like gravity," the guys had said - it made even more sense now. I kept the kiss short and sweet even though I would have loved for it to have lasted longer. It was simply what felt right in the moment; I would not ask her for more until she knew the truth.

Then there was that second kiss, after I had phased for her. I was so in awe of her – how brave she had been to come over and touch me when I was in wolf form, and how she stayed and waited for me to change back. Then when I saw the look in her eyes as she told me so emphatically that it didn't change how she felt about me, and I realized that she truly accepted me even knowing how abnormal I am, I absolutely had to kiss her again. Nothing could have stopped me – well, nothing but Chloe herself. But she certainly didn't look like she wanted me to stop. Her eyes, her face, everything about her pulled me in, and when she reached up and put her fingers in my hair and actively kissed me back, there were simply no words to describe the elation I felt. It was perfect. _She_ was perfect.

She had commented later that I seemed to know what I was doing - it was a little ironic considering my complete lack of personal experience in that area, but kissing her was the most natural thing in the world. Ending the kiss was what took effort. But in a way, I did have the collective "experience" of the entire pack. Jacob and Embry had been particularly annoying in their persistent mental demonstrations of the "right" way to kiss a girl. And as much as I hate to admit it, I probably did subconsciously recall some of their "lessons" as I tried to make it as perfect for Chloe as possible.

So when she cited my kissing skills as reason for questioning whether I'd been hiding my past experience with girls, it took effort not to laugh.

My mind briefly goes back to my chemistry lab my sophomore year at WSU and the girl who ended up being my lab partner. Her name was Amanda, and I'd heard her talking to her friends about me. I'd also overheard her talking to the professor after class to get reassigned as my partner. She was pretty, and intelligent, and she seemed nice. And she was obviously attracted to me. Of all the girls who had tried to flirt with me or who I'd overheard giggling about me with their friends, she was the only one who truly made an effort to get to know me, who tried to get past my barriers to the real me rather than being content with exchanging superficial banter. Most of the guys thought I should go out with her – have a little fun, get some dating experience. Paul actually had the nerve to refer to her as a "practice" girlfriend. And although most of the guys did have girlfriends at some point before they imprinted, nearly all of those relationships had begun and ended before they'd started phasing. Most of the guys had imprinted relatively soon after they started phasing, and the others had only brief, meaningless flings or had pursued girls who didn't return their interest. And while on some level I had felt some small degree of temptation to try spending more time with Amanda, there was no way I would let myself get involved with someone knowing I could imprint on someone else at any moment. I could not cause anyone the kind of pain my sister went through. I have lived through those emotions even if they weren't my own, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I've also experienced Sam's feelings of guilt over Leah, and if I had gotten involved with Amanda, or someone like her, my feelings of guilt would have been infinitely greater than Sam's. He had started the relationship with my sister in good faith, never imagining in his wildest dreams that three years later he would turn into a werewolf and imprint on her cousin. Even if I'd had to wait a hundred years or more for my imprint, there's no way I could have misled someone and risked causing the sort of pain that Sam and Leah went through. "Just let her know you're not into 'serious' relationships," Paul had said. But even if I had been able to keep things casual, it didn't mean the girl would have. And like I told Chloe, it wouldn't have been real. I am glad that I have no regrets in that department. Waiting for Chloe was the best decision I ever made.

I've been away from her for less than ten minutes, and I already miss her terribly, but it's nothing like the agony I went through those first several days when I only saw her in class and in the cafeteria. Still, I have to fight the urge to turn around and head back to campus. I remind myself she'll be waiting for me in the library as soon as I get out of calculus. I wish I could have stayed in her room until she left for her psychology class, but I really need a shower. I probably don't smell too good right now after sleeping in these clothes. And I have to get some underwear – going commando is really not that comfortable. Why didn't I think to keep some extra clothes in my car in case I needed to phase? I'll have to start doing that now, and maybe I can also hide some out in the woods behind her dorm.

I can't wait to see her again. I've enjoyed every single moment I've been able to spend with her from the very beginning, but it's all on a whole new level now that I know she cares for me too – much more than I realized. I'd always hoped things could eventually turn romantic for us, but it always seemed like something that would be in the distant future. Just being her friend was an amazing privilege, and simply being in her company made me completely happy and content. But being her boyfriend is just unbelievably awesome. I don't have to hold back nearly as much now in showing her the affection I've felt since the moment I met her, and it's such a huge weight off of my shoulders to be able to talk freely with her about the supernatural stuff.

She accepted seeing me phase amazingly well, so the rest of it should be easier now. I've already told her all of the wolf stuff, well almost all of it, but I can worry about that last little detail later. I'm actually not too worried about the vampire stuff. After all, it's not like _I'm_ a vampire. She's already accepted what I am. The truth about the Cullens might scare her a little, but somehow I think she'll be able to handle it. She already thinks highly of Nessie, and that should help a lot. And if it does bother her, it's not like she has to keep spending time with them in order to be with me. I really hope she can keep up her friendship with Nessie, but worst case, if she's completely freaked out and doesn't want to be around them anymore, we could switch schools, or the Cullens could. But if I can be friends with the Cullens when vampires are my natural enemy, somehow I think Chloe will probably be okay with them too, once she gets used to the idea.

It's hard to believe how much has changed since yesterday. This time yesterday morning, I was expecting the highlights of my day to be sitting behind Chloe in our macro class, possibly sitting next to her at lunch, and picking her up for the study group meeting that evening. I was happy about how well our trip to her hometown had gone – I'd been able to fix several things at her house, she got some estate issues taken care of, and we were able to spend a lot of time talking and getting to know each other better. The moments I'd spent holding her while she cried were probably almost as difficult for me as they were for her, but at the same time I was so glad I was able to be there for her. Overall, I was happy that she was growing more comfortable with me and that she really considered me to be one of her friends.

And then we'd topped the evening off with a movie during which I'd found yet another excuse to sit with my arm around her for a couple of hours – even if she was asleep. She'd seemed comfortable enough with it on Sunday night when we were in her room, so I was confident that she wouldn't mind, and I couldn't let her fall over when Ness moved, could I? She'd seemed apologetic and maybe a little embarrassed when she woke up; at the time I'd just thought she was worried that she was inconveniencing me and embarrassed that she kept falling asleep, but after our talk last night, I suspect it was because she was secretly enjoying the closeness just as I was.

This whole time, while I've been worried I might scare her off if I showed too much interest too soon, she was apparently busy convincing herself I only wanted to be friends because I wasn't touching her enough! She has no idea how much effort it's taken not to touch her at every possible opportunity. Those times I did put my arms around her or give her a hug, I was so worried about being too obvious, so worried that she'd ask me to back off, so worried that she'd notice my unnatural body heat and start asking questions. I couldn't let her know how I was drawn to her from the moment I first saw her, and how being away from her is almost physically painful. It's been torture sitting around playing video games with Jake and Edward at night, knowing Chloe was a few miles away on campus. I'm not sure how I found the strength to stay away from her enough to keep her from thinking I was stalking her. I actually thought about going and sitting outside her window just to listen to her breathe, but I decided that would be crossing a line. Seriously, what could be more stalkerish than that? Okay, so Jake used to do that with Bella, but at least she knew he was out there, and he had a real reason to be there for protection since there was a crazy vamp lady after her.

I had been thinking that I might be able to start seeing her more on weekends without giving the appearance that I was stalking her. Then last night I find out she's already developing strong feelings for me, much stronger than I had dared to hope. It was suddenly time to tell her what I really am, a lot sooner than what I'd been prepared for. I'd thought I still had plenty of time to figure out the best way to tell her, but I fumbled through it, and she _still_ wanted me as her boyfriend!

Yes, a lot has changed in the last twenty-four hours. Actually, a lot has changed In just the last twelve hours. It was exactly twelve hours ago that I was driving Chloe back to her dorm after the study session, happy that she had somehow forgotten that her car is still at the Cullens', and I was trying to think of a way to ask if I could hang out with her for a while without it sounding weird. Little did I know that she was busy making her own plans to confront me about my little exchange with Nessie.

It all happened so fast, and it had all gone so much better than I'd expected – the initial conversation where we'd confessed our interest in each other, our first kiss, her introduction to the supernatural, more kissing, holding her hand as we walked through the parking lot. I had been so worried about telling her my real age, afraid she would think I was too old for her or that she would be upset that I had been misleading her. But she didn't even seem to mind about that. And when I asked her to give me time on her questions about how I broke my leg, she amazingly didn't press me for an immediate answer. I'm not sure she realizes how easily I would have caved on that. I don't think I could deny her anything that she really asked me for, but I truly think it'll be better for her to have some time to adjust to all of the other stuff I told her last night before I start explaining about vampire battles.

Then she not only asked me to stay in her room, but she actually moved over to my bed and let me put my arm around her as she went to sleep! She didn't wake up when my phone alarm went off this morning, so for a couple of minutes I was able to just watch her sleep, breathing in the wonderful scent of her hair and listening to her heartbeat and her breathing while admiring the natural beauty of her face – she's even more gorgeous without make-up. I woke her up with a kiss on her forehead, though it took her another couple of minutes to actually open her eyes. Then there was the way she started running her hand over my arm. How does something so simple feel that wonderful?

I turn off of the main road and start down the long driveway to the Cullens' house.

"Seth's in a good mood," I hear Edward say, his familiar voice cutting through all the other noise and disrupting my thoughts. I'm still a mile or so from the house, and I wonder how long he's been listening in.

"Are they really together now?" Bella asks him eagerly.

"I'll tell you all about it when I get inside," I say, knowing they can hear me as well.

I park and hurry into the house.

"So?" Bella asks.

"Yes, Chloe's officially my girlfriend now," I announce proudly. It feels so good to be able to say that.

"I knew it! I'm so happy for you!" she shrieks. "I'd hug you but…."

"Yeah, I know." We both laugh. We may be friends, but the natural aversion to touching each other is still incredibly strong - not to mention the smell, which is bad enough from this distance. There's no telling how bad I smell to them right now, especially after sweating all night in these clothes.

"Congratulations, Seth," Edward says. "I knew you could do it."

"Thanks. I take it Jake and Nessie already left for class?"

"Yes, they were hoping to talk to you and find out what happened last night, but it seems you just missed each other somehow," he says.

Just then my phone buzzes, and I glance down to see a text from Jake asking me where I am. I text him back that I'll see him in management class and ignore the succession of texts that follow. I want to see the look on his face when I walk in with Chloe.

"You won't tell them, will you?" I ask, looking back up at them as I hear text notifications on their phones as well.

"It won't hurt them to remain in suspense for another couple of hours," Edward remarks with a grin, repocketing his own phone. "I told Jake we still haven't seen you this morning."

"I won't say anything either," Bella agrees. "I just told Nessie I'm sure you're fine."

"Thanks."

"Do you forgive me now for keeping Chloe blocked around Edward?" Bella asks with a knowing smile.

"You know I was never really upset about that," I tell her. "It was just frustrating not knowing what she thought about me, and knowing Edward could tell me. The suspense was killing me. But I doubt she'd be happy about someone spying on her thoughts for me, so I knew it was better that way. And I have to admit that Edward was right about letting things happen naturally. I really can't imagine last night going better than it did even if I had known in advance what she was thinking."

"You couldn't have been as honest with her that way," Edward agrees. "When you know what others are thinking, and they don't know you know, you have to pretend not to know things you do and then fake your reactions when the person finally tells you something. Even for me, with perfect vampire memory, it gets complicated remembering which things I'm supposed to know and which things I'm not."

"Yeah, I've been faking enough things as it is," I agree. "She was kind of upset when she first realized I was just pretending to need crutches."

Edward nods. "It might have helped your confidence a little if I'd told you what little I was able to hear when Bella wasn't around, but it could have backfired, too."

"The only time she was here without Bella around was last weekend," I say, my mind racing as I try to remember if there were any other times. "Do you mean she's been interested in me that long? And you've known for a whole week?"

"Well, I think even without my abilities, it was pretty obvious that day that she found you attractive. I know you noticed, even though you were focused on her to the point that you forgot you weren't fully dressed," he says with a chuckle.

"Yeah, that was encouraging," I say, "but she's found other guys attractive before, too. It didn't necessarily mean she felt anything for me or that she'd ever want to be more than friends."

"Wait a minute," Bella says, arching an eyebrow. "I don't think I've heard about this. You weren't fully dressed?"

"I was wearing cut-off sweatpants," I say dismissively. "Not a big deal until we started to leave and Chloe had to point out that it was snowing outside."

Bella giggles, and we all start laughing. I guess I would have looked rather comical if I'd actually gone outside in that weather with no shirt on.

"You still didn't answer my question," I say to Edward once we've finally stopped laughing. "She's liked me for a whole week?"

"Not going there," Edward says smugly. "You know I can't read emotions, and like you just pointed out, her attraction and wishful thinking didn't necessarily mean she was emotionally ready to start a romantic relationship."

"Wishful thinking? So you _did_ hear something," I say, hoping he'll continue.

Edward just grins and shakes his head, and I know he's gone as far as he's going to go with this. Stubborn vampire.

"I don't see how you were able to pretend not to know anything," I say, searching my memory of the past week for any clues that he knew how she felt.

"Decades of practice," he answers.

"If he'd told you anything, you might have said something to her sooner, and it might have been too soon," Bella points out.

"I know," I tell her. "You guys are right, but that didn't make it any easier knowing you 'could' help if you wanted."

"That's why we thought it was best to keep Chloe shielded whenever she was here," Edward says. "I couldn't tell you what I didn't hear."

"Besides," Bella adds, "she might not take it too well if she learned later that you had been using Edward to spy on her thoughts. I wanted to give her as much mental privacy as possible, just because I know how much I value my own mental privacy. When I was still human, things were unequal enough between Edward and me without him being able to hear my thoughts."

"That's a good point," I concede. "And of course I never wanted to intrude on her privacy. Sometimes I don't think about that enough because I've never had too much concern about it for myself. And you're right that using Edward's special powers would have made things more unequal. I'm already able to hear things she and her friends say that they don't realize I'm hearing."

"So how did you end up finally talking about it with her?" Bella asks. "Was it because of what Nessie said last night at the study session?"

"She told you about that?" I ask.

"When she and Jake woke up this morning and you weren't home yet, we had all kinds of speculation going on," she says with a laugh. "Nessie said she had whispered a comment about you two making a cute couple, and you agreed, and she wasn't sure if Chloe might have heard it."

"Yeah, she heard it, and she asked me about it when we got back to her dorm."

"I was afraid her interference might cause problems, but it sounds like Chloe was ready," Edward says. "I'm really glad it worked out."

"Yeah, me too, but we can't give Nessie all of the credit," I tell him. "I might have been playing with Chloe's hair a little when Nessie said that. And I'd slipped a couple of other times earlier in the day. I'd basically told her how much I had enjoyed it when she fell asleep on me Sunday night when we were watching a movie. But she never said anything at the time, so I had no idea what she was thinking."

Edward chuckles.

"What?" I ask, wondering if he somehow overheard something about that in her thoughts. But he wasn't here during the study session, and Chloe's been with me since we left.

"I didn't overhear your conversation, but I've heard her mind enough that I can imagine her reaction to that. She was probably too excited to speak."

"When she invited me up to her room last night, I was trying to decide if I should be a little more obvious or just give her time," I say. "I was thinking about trying to put my arm around her as soon as she got the movie started, but she asked me what I thought about Nessie's comment before we made it that far. I really wasn't expecting her to just come out and ask like that, but the whole conversation went better than I ever imagined it could. I'd have to say yesterday was the number one best day of my entire life." Realizing she wants a relationship with me, finally being able to kiss her, seeing the look of pure pleasure on her face – it was incredible. I replay that first kiss in my mind for the millionth time. S _orry, Edward._

He just smiles.

"How much have you told her about the supernatural?" Bella asks. "Nessie's so excited that she's going to have a human friend she can be herself around."

"I've told her about most of the wolf stuff," I answer. "I haven't mentioned anything about vampires yet, and I want to wait a while before I tell her about imprinting. I phased for her, and she took it pretty well. I tried to explain first about our legends being true, but she didn't believe me at all until I actually phased right in front of her. She let out one small scream, and she was kind of scared at first, but then she seemed to realize it was actually still me, and even came over and rubbed the fur my head."

"Make sure she understands the importance of secrecy when you tell her about us," Edward reminds me. "You know the council has given their official approval, but it was under the condition that I listen in on her friends for a while to make sure she isn't sharing too much. Not much different than what I normally do, really. I scan the students' thoughts fairly often anyway, just to make sure they haven't noticed anything too odd about our family."

"I think we can trust her," I tell him.

"I'm sure it won't be a problem," he agrees.

"How did you go about telling Bella?" I ask. "Are there any certain things you think I should start with, or do you have any suggestions on how to lead into a conversation about vampires being real?"

Edward starts laughing, and Bella is smiling like there's something I'm missing.

"What?" I demand.

"I never had to tell her!" Edward says, still laughing. "She figured it out on her own!"

"With some help from Jake," Bella adds. "He's the one who told me about the 'cold ones."

"What?" I ask, confused. That's the terminology from our legends. Surely Bella knew what Edward was before she talked to Jake about it.

"One day shortly after Bella started attending Forks High, she was nearly hit by a van. I _ran_ over to her, pushed her to the ground so that it just missed us, then when it came at us again, I lifted the vehicle and rotated it so that it didn't land on her. Fortunately no one saw except Bella. I tried to play up how she had hit her head on the ground, but the detail she noticed was incredible for a human. So she knew I wasn't normal and went searching for answers."

"Jake told me about the 'cold ones' and then I googled it," Bella says.

"She figured out the mind-reading on her own, too," Edward adds."By the time I actually discussed anything with her, she already knew I was a vampire and didn't care. All that was left was to answer her questions on the details and the history."

"Do you think Chloe has any suspicions? Has she noticed anything that wasn't normal?" I ask.

"She does seem to be drawn to the supernatural, in much the same way as Bella. Nessie is one of her closest friends, and of course now there's you. Something else I've noticed is that she seems to completely lack the vague sixth sense that most humans have when they are physically standing too close to a vampire. Most humans are instinctually afraid of me, but she seemed to lack that completely. She asked a lot of questions in biology lab last quarter, and when I went over to her station to help her with something she didn't understand in her workbook, she didn't seem intimidated at all – not even on a subconscious level."

"So you don't have any helpful suggestions at all?" I ask.

"I don't think there's really a right or wrong way to tell people about vampires," he says. "You'll do fine."

"Are you planning to go to calculus today?" Bella asks suddenly. "It's already nine o'clock."

"Yeah," I say, glancing at the time. "Thanks. I'd better go shower and change."

Before I even get to the top of the stairs I hear the kissing start, so I quickly flip on the fan when I reach the bathroom. It should help mask the sounds of the make-out session which has already moved the family room. I think Bella forgets sometimes that my hearing is even better than theirs, and I've concluded that Edward simply doesn't care. Of course, if what he feels for Bella is even half of what I feel for Chloe, I suppose I can't blame him for taking advantage of every moment they have together.

After a quick shower, I stand in front of the mirror at the sink to shave and am greeted by the familiar musculature of my arms and chest in the reflection. I consider how I've always taken that particular perk of the wolf gene for granted. From the age of fourteen, I've had a well-toned body with no effort at all, just like all of my closest friends. And after the initial shock of learning I was living proof that the wolf legends were true, it kind of started to seem normal.

Even as a young teen, I had been a lot more excited about the supernatural strength than the actual muscles. I remember how some of the guys enjoyed flaunting their new physiques, walking around with their shirts off for no reason except to show off their abs. Actually, some of them still do that. But while I've obviously always been aware that I shared those same physical traits, I've never really given much thought to how I look to other people. I've overheard enough girls whispering to one another about me that I've never felt insecure about my looks, but none of those girls really mattered, and I never cared whether they found me attractive.

Seeing the way Chloe looks at me makes me appreciate the benefits to my personal appearance a little more. She didn't take her eyes off of me for even a second when I was getting ready to phase for her last night; I'd been worried that my sudden decision to strip would make her feel awkward, but she actually seemed to enjoy the "show." And last weekend, when she came over unexpectedly, I had been so distracted by her presence that I had completely forgotten I was shirtless until she reminded me that it was snowing outside, but it apparently made quite an impression on her because when I came downstairs after changing into fresh clothes, she implied I had looked better without my shirt!

I rinse off my razor and stare at myself in the mirror again, flexing a little, the way I've seen bodybuilders do on TV, and I try to see what Chloe sees. I don't have the muscle bulk in my arms that Jake and some of the others have, but I guess I look okay. I'm just glad Chloe seems to find it impressive. I rub one arm slowly, kind of like Chloe did this morning when she first woke up, and I recall how her fingertips were exploring the contours of my muscles – she definitely seemed impressed. I guess I'll need to join a gym whenever I stop phasing.

I brush my teeth extra well, finish getting dressed, and let myself out through my bedroom window so as not to disturb the two lovebirds downstairs.

I still have a few extra minutes, so I stop by a store near campus and pick up a few things I've been meaning to get.

As I pull out of the parking lot, I decide to give Mom a call. She and Charlie should be awake by now.

" _Hello?"_

"Hey, Charlie. You doing okay?"

" _Yeah, just getting ready to head to the station. You wanna talk to your mom? She's right here."_

I don't bother answering since I can hear that he's already handing her the receiver and telling her that it's me.

" _Seth! Are you okay? You don't usually call this early."_

"Everything's great, Mom! Guess what happened last night?"

" _You sound really happy, so it must have something to do with Chloe."_

"Yep! We talked last night, and I'm officially her boyfriend now!"

" _Seth, that's wonderful!"_

"She's amazing, Mom! Would you believe she said the only reason she hadn't said anything earlier was because she was afraid of risking our friendship? I never thought she'd be ready for a relationship this soon. This imprint thing is awesome!"

" _So when do I get to meet her?"_

"Well, I'm hoping she'll go to La Push with me for spring break, but I haven't asked her yet. I thought it might be a little early for spring break plans."

" _Spring break will be good. I'm really looking forward to finally meeting her! I still haven't even seen a picture yet."_

"I'll try to get one today."

" _Have you told her about the wolves yet?"_

"Yeah, I told her last night. I think she thought I was crazy until I phased for her."

" _How did she react?"_

"She was amazing! Just one small scream, and then she came over and rubbed my head."

Mom laughs. _"She does sound pretty special."_

"Well, I'm here at school now. I'd better let you go so I can get to class."

" _Have you told Leah yet? She's meeting me for lunch today."_

"No, not yet, but it's fine if you want to tell her. I'll probably give her a call later tonight."

" _Okay, you have a good day."_

"Bye."

Yes, I'll definitely have a good day. I just need to endure one hour of calculus, and then I can spend the rest of the day with Chloe!

I walk into the classroom, and as I set my backpack down, I suddenly wonder if our test is today. I know Dr. Whitman mentioned something about a test when I was here on Monday, and then I skipped Wednesday and didn't even bother to get the homework assignment from anyone. I breathe a sigh of relief when the professor comes in and begins his normal lecture. The test must be Monday, so I'll have time to brush up on what I missed before then.

This isn't my first time taking calculus, but if I was depending on what I retained in my memory from the first time around, I'd be in serious trouble. Edward's been a huge help, correcting my mental mistakes as I do my homework and explaining the parts that confuse me in a way that makes sense. I guess there are advantages to living with a mind-reader who has perfect memory and has taken Calculus fourteen times. It's not like it really matters if I get a good grade, but it would certainly be embarrassing if I failed a freshman-level course and Chloe found out.

Normally I at least try to pay attention in class, but today I allow myself to settle for keeping my eyes on the professor so that it looks like I'm listening. But really, my mind is entirely on Chloe. She's already in the library now, waiting for me to get out of class. I kind of wish the test had been today so that I could finish it quickly and meet up with her sooner. The class drags on for what feels like forever. It finally ends, and I'm free to go to the library.

* * *

 **A/N: I'd love to hear your feedback! I'm expecting to get back to a more regular posting schedule with no more than 1-2 weeks between chapters for the rest of the story. We have five chapters remaining.  
**


	20. More than Friends

**More than Friends**

 _~~ Friday, January 20, 2017 ~~_

 _Chloe's POV:_

I go to my first class, sociology, and although I am technically not skipping, my mind is not there at all. I keep replaying in my thoughts all the things Seth told me last night. Did he _really_ change into a giant wolf? It still seems preposterous, especially as I sit here in this classroom with Dr. Everett droning on about social norms and cultural relativism, but I actually saw it happen. I know I did. And Seth kissed me. He actually kissed me – _really_ kissed me. More than once. And it was even more awesome than I'd imagined. We're "more than friends" now – he referred to himself as my boyfriend. Twice. And I spent the night snuggled up with him. How can my life have changed so much in just one day?

As I consider how extremely happy I feel, I'm hit with a pang of guilt at how everything could feel so right with the world when I've just lost my mom. How I wish I could call her and tell her all about Seth. Well, not about the wolf part, or the fact that he's twenty-five, or that he spent the night in my room. She definitely wouldn't need to know about any of that. But I could tell her that I have a boyfriend, and how sweet and caring and understanding he is, and how special he makes me feel. I could describe his soft black hair that frames his face perfectly, and his bright, dark eyes that are always smiling, and that adorable grin that lights up his face. I can imagine her response – warnings to be careful, worry that I'll get my heart broken, maybe sadness that her "baby" is growing up. But once she met him, there's no way she could dislike him, and I know she would be happy for me once she got over her initial bout of worry. And I think that she would be glad to know that I have someone special who cares about me and understands what it's like to lose a parent.

Thankfully, these thoughts somehow don't lead to tears in the middle of class; my thoughts are still dominated by the craziness of the whole wolf thing and my excitement at the discovery that Seth's interest in me is not strictly platonic after all.

I head to the library after class, still engrossed in these thoughts. I find a quiet spot in the corner to just sit and think; I'm glad I don't run into anyone I know because my brain is too full at the moment to socialize.

Seth comes by at the end of the period, as promised.

"Hi," he says with that familiar, adorable grin.

He extends his hand to me as I stand up, and I take it, allowing our fingers to link together.

"Hi, handsome," I answer, giving his hand a slight squeeze. He obviously found time to shower and shave – his hair looks soft and clean, and he smells wonderful. I long to run my fingers through that hair, to touch his face, and to kiss him again, but we're in the library, and a quick glance at the clock on the wall tells me we'll have to hurry to get to class on time.

For the first time ever, I get to walk across campus with my boyfriend. I spent most of last quarter wishing for this, but it was always the idea of having a boyfriend more than it was interest in any particular guy. Now that it's actually happening, it's so much better than I ever imagined simply because it's Seth, and he is much more than just a gorgeous face – he's someone I really care about.

"You make it to your first class on time?" he asks.

"Yeah, barely," I tell him. "How about you?"

"Yeah. I probably would've skipped it if I hadn't already missed Wednesday. Two times in a row is usually pushing it."

"Were Nessie and Jake still there when you got home?" I ask.

"No, they had already left for class. Edward and Bella were there though. They were both really happy to hear that you and I are finally together."

"Really? So they already knew you liked me?"

"Yeah. There's not much that escapes Edward's powers of observation," he says with a chuckle.

"Did they say anything about you being out all night?"

He shakes his head. "They used to do the same thing, except he had to sneak in her window."

I erupt in laughter, trying to imagine Mr. Did-You-Follow-the-Instructions Cullen sneaking into his teenage girlfriend's bedroom through the window. "Was this when she lived with her dad, the chief of police?" I ask.

"Yeah. Somehow they never got caught," he says, and we both laugh.

"What about Jake and Nessie?" I ask. "Did they already know you liked me too?"

"Yeah. I never tried to hide it from them."

"Nessie was trying to drop me some hints a few days ago, but when I asked if you had said anything, she said you hadn't," I tell him.

"Nessie lies a lot," he says matter-of-factly. "I hope you won't hold it against her, though, because your friendship really means a lot to her. I never meant for her to lie to you, but I had asked her not to tell you how I felt because like I mentioned earlier, I didn't want to rush you into anything you weren't ready for. And besides, I kinda wanted to be the one to tell you myself, when the time was right." He grins down at me.

"Yeah, I think it was better hearing it directly from you," I agree, remembering that moment when he first admitted his feelings for me. "But they don't know we're together yet, right?"

"No, I don't think so. I know they suspect something happened, since I didn't go home last night, but they don't know if things went well and I was with you the whole time or if things went so badly that I needed some time alone in the woods. They're probably pretty worried right now, actually, but I asked Edward and Bella not to text them or anything. I want the see the looks on their faces when we walk into class together."

"Yeah, me too," I tell him, but the grin leaves my face as I consider his remark about the woods. Would he have been that upset if I'd told him I only wanted to be friends? Or if we'd had an argument? Or if I'd been too freaked out by the whole wolf thing? He did seem pretty worried about how I'd react when he first showed me how he can phase, but it still kind of catches me off guard to think that he would have needed to spend the night alone in the woods if things had "gone badly." Does he really care that much about me?

The conversation turns to our classes – the calculus test he'll be having on Monday and the upcoming research paper for our management class that we'll be working on together. As we walk along, I'm very aware of how our hands are still linked and the way he keeps rubbing my thumb with his.

Class is about to start when we arrive, and nearly everyone else is already there. Nessie looks up and raises her eyebrows as we walk in.

I nod quickly and smile at her, acknowledging that Seth and I are really a couple now, and the smile she gives me in return could light up a room. As we sit down, I notice Jake and Seth exchanging a look as well. I glance over at Megan and Adam who sit on the other end of the room. Adam is giving Seth a thumbs-up, and Megan flashes me an approving smile.

We have a test in this class; it was the one our study group was studying for last night, and I wish I had forced myself to pay more attention. I never gave it another thought after the study session ended; this may bring my grade down a bit.

"I'm so happy for you two!" Nessie says excitedly in my ear as we're leaving the classroom. "What did you think when he showed you?"

"Showed me? Oh, you mean the wolf thing?" I ask, lowering my voice.

She nods eagerly.

"I was pretty shocked," I admit. "I'm still getting used to the idea. I think I need to see him do it a few more times, because I keep wondering if I might have imagined it."

"You sure this isn't just an excuse to get me to strip for you again?" Seth whispers teasingly in my other ear.

Nessie and Jake both laugh. They heard that?

"Look at you blush!" Nessie exclaims. Does she really have to point that out?

"I can phase for you again tonight," Seth says. "No problem."

"Seth, I could show her," Nessie says, reaching across me and touching his arm.

"You can turn into a wolf, too?" I ask, somehow remembering to keep my voice down even though I'm shocked.

"No," she says with a laugh. "But I can do something else that might be almost as surprising."

"What is it?" I ask, but she just looks at Seth, apparently waiting for his permission.

Seth looks uncertain as to whether he is going to agree to whatever Nessie is asking to show me. "Just go somewhere more private first," he says finally, "and only show her that one thing, okay?"

"Sure. We can go sit in the car," Nessie agrees eagerly.

I wonder how many more secrets Seth has – secrets that Nessie is apparently privy to - and why he seems so concerned that she not reveal the wrong ones. Surely nothing could be more shocking than seeing the guy you just kissed morph into a giant wolf. But are there other things that he's still hiding from me?

I glance up at him and his smile makes me melt. I won't say anything now; I'll wait until we're alone to ask more questions.

We veer off from the main path to head toward the parking lot, and Megan calls out from behind us, "Are you guys leaving?"

"I just forgot something in the car," Nessie lies smoothly. "We'll see you in the cafeteria."

"Okay, see you there!" Megan hurries off to catch up with Michaela, who is coming out of the science building.

The four of us climb into Seth's Explorer, which is parked right next to Jake's sporty little car that only seats two. Nessie directs me to sit in the front with her, and Jake and Seth climb in the back.

"I'll need to touch you," she says, cautiously reaching for my face.

"Could you explain first?" Seth asks, sounding a little nervous. "We're not going for the shock effect here."

"Oh. Of course," she says, lowering her hand to rest in her lap. "Chloe, I have the ability to communicate mentally. If I touch you with the palm of my hand, you'll see and hear whatever I'm thinking. So I'm going to think about my memories of seeing Seth and Jake phase, and you'll be able to see them too. Okay?"

"Okay," I say uncertainly. Somehow I don't really expect it to work, but after what I saw last night, it seems like it might be within the realm of possibility.

"I can replay it as many times as you like, so you can see him phase without him having to destroy his clothes," she says. "I could touch you anywhere, like your arm or your hand, but people seem to find it's more vivid if I'm touching the face. Are you ready?"

"Sure," I say, becoming more curious as to whether this might actually work.

"Can I watch too?" Seth asks, leaning forward.

Nessie reaches for my face again with one hand and for Seth's with the other. When she places the palm of her hand against my cheek, it is immediately as though I'm dreaming, except that I'm fully awake. I see Seth and Jake running, wearing cut-off jean shorts, and then suddenly there are two wolves running instead. Although I don't hear any words being spoken, I have a sense of knowing that this is nothing unusual – it's not the first time Nessie ever saw them phase.

She removes her hand briefly, and when she returns it, I'm seeing a close-up of Jake. I'm looking into his eyes – or she is - and he's looking back with that look of devotion I so often see him give her. Then, suddenly, he's in wolf form, but he still has that same look in his eyes, and they're still definitely Jake's eyes.

She removes her hand again, and when she replaces it, I see Seth and Jake arguing, and then they both turn into wolves and start nipping and growling at each other as they roll around with fur and dust flying.

"Don't worry. Nobody got hurt," Nessie assures me, dropping her hand.

"Yeah, we were just playing," Seth agrees.

"So did that help?" Nessie asks. "Does the wolf thing seem any more normal now?"

I laugh. "I'm not sure it'll ever seem _normal_. But I did kind of get that feeling when you were showing it to me. How do you _do_ that, anyway?"

"I've just always been able to," she says with a shrug. "I can't explain how it works."

"Can your brother do it too?" I ask.

"No, just me," she says. "I've never met anyone else with this ability." She looks like she wants to say more, but she exchanges a glance with Seth and doesn't say anything else.

"So are you related to Seth's tribe?" I ask.

"I'll tell you more about Nessie and her family tonight," Seth says before she can answer. "We'll have more time then. Okay?"

"Okay," I say, feeling confused and a little left out. I'd really like to be in on the secrets right now, but from the expression on Seth's face, it looks like it would mean a lot to him for me to wait and let him be the one to tell me.

"He doesn't want to overwhelm you with too much at once," Jake says.

"Yeah, that's what he told me last night," I say.

"And right now, we'd kind of like to go eat, if you don't mind," Jake adds.

"Sure. You two must be starving," I say, looking over at Seth.

"Thanks," Seth mouths, and I know he's thanking me for holding off on the rest of my questions for more reasons than just reducing the time before our next meal.

We head to the cafeteria. Our group is already seated at our normal table, and Taylor's and Michaela's eyes widen when they see that Seth and I are holding hands as we walk past the table. I guess Megan didn't tell them yet. I give them a big smile as we go to get our trays of food.

"I want to hear you say it," Taylor says with a huge grin on her face as I sit down next to her.

"You were right," I tell her. "And I'm really glad I was wrong."

"What about that other thing you were going to ask him about?" she whispers.

"You were right about that too."

She raises her eyebrows and elbows Michaela, then whispers something to her, and they both laugh.

"You two are just too sweet together," Michaela says.

"Thanks," Seth tells her.

"It took you guys long enough," Taylor says.

"I don't know," Seth says with his usual grin, looking over at me. "I think the timing might have been just right."

Lunch is pretty much the same as usual, but Seth is sitting a little closer to me, and he keeps casually touching my arm or moving that one pesky strand of hair back behind my ears.

And several times, I catch him looking at me for no apparent reason except that he just wants to.

We stay at our table talking with friends in the cafeteria until it's time for Seth to go to his 1:30 class. I get up at the same time and walk out with him, which is something I avoided in the past since I didn't want it to look like I was following him around; usually I would wait until a couple minutes after he'd left and then go up to my room.

"I guess I'll see you back here in the cafeteria when you get off from work?" Seth asks. This is the normal routine, at least on days when he, Jake, and Nessie hang around long enough after their last class to eat in the cafeteria.

"Why don't we order pizza and eat in my room?" I suggest as we turn the corner into the lobby.

"You're really eager to hear about Nessie and her family, aren't you?" he asks with a grin.

"The suspense is killing me," I tell him truthfully.

"Sure, we can order pizza," he agrees. "I'll take care of that, and I'll meet you back here in the lobby when you get off from work."

We just stand there looking at one another for a moment, still holding hands, not wanting to separate yet. Like in the library, I find myself wanting to kiss him, but all of these people are milling around, and I'm not sure how he feels about PDA.

"Well, I've got to leave now if I'm going to get to class on time," he says.

Reluctantly, I unlink my fingers from his so he can leave, but his hand moves to caress my face. Then he leans down and we share the briefest of kisses before he hurries off to class.


	21. Not What They Appear

**Not What They Appear**

~~ January 20, 2017 ~~

I watch Seth as he exits the lobby, hobbling out the door with his unnecessary crutch. I go up to my room for a few minutes so I can get rid of my backpack – no need to carry it with me to work since I know they'll have me really busy with data entry today.

I walk across the street to the administration building and spend the next three hours mindlessly entering data from alumni surveys. It amazes me how many alumni still prefer filling out the hardcopy form rather than the one that is available on the university website.

Finally, five o'clock rolls around, and I literally run back to my dorm. Seth is waiting in the lobby, as promised, and he's carrying three large pizzas. I briefly wonder if he's invited other people to join us, but with his huge appetite, I have no doubt he could eat most of that by himself. We probably won't even have any leftovers.

In my room, we start eating and I am hopeful that he will at least start giving me some hints, but he seems content to focus on devouring the pizza.

"Are you going make me wait until this is all gone before you tell me anything?" I finally ask as he picks up his third slice.

He laughs, putting his hand to his mouth, probably to keep from spitting pizza everywhere. "I think that would be best," he says after he swallows. "It's possible that part of what I need to tell you could make you lose your appetite."

I am seriously puzzled. "Something about Nessie could make me lose my appetite?"

"Trust me, okay?"

I try to eat quickly, and I finish off three slices of pizza in the same time it takes Seth to eat the rest of the first pizza plus all of the other two.

"So what's the deal with Nessie?" I ask as he puts the last bite in his mouth.

"Well, as you may have guessed by now, she's a little supernatural herself."

I nod. "I know she said she doesn't know how she does that thing with sharing her memories, but I got the impression that there was a lot she wasn't saying."

"Right. I'm just trying to figure out where I should start," he says.

"At the beginning?" I prompt, scooting over to sit next to him.

He laughs as he scoots closer and puts his arm around me. "Well, this isn't just about Nessie. It involves her whole family, so let's start with them. And this is not just a tribe secret. This is the Cullens' secret. They've given me permission to tell you, as long as you'll first give me your word that you will not repeat it to _anyone."_

"I promise," I assure him, meeting his eyes. I'm pretty sure nobody would believe me anyway.

"You may find this even harder to believe than the whole wolf thing, but I'll just say it: They're vampires."

"Vampires?" I choke out amid my laughter. That is the last thing I was expecting him to say. Nessie and my former lab instructor are vampires? I stare at him, waiting for the real answer.

"I'm serious," he insists with absolutely no humor in his voice. "They're not like any of the ones you may have seen in movies or read about, but they really are vampires. They drink blood, they don't age, they never sleep, and they're extremely strong and fast."

"And you can prove this, like you proved how you can change into a wolf?" I ask, my laughter subsiding as I begin to see that he's not trying to be funny.

"Yes," he assures me. "We'll go see them tomorrow. They should be a little more relaxed about being themselves since you're in on the secret now."

"So you're saying that Nessie drinks blood?" I ask, wrinkling my nose in genuine disgust. I guess that's why he didn't want to tell me while we were eating.

"Nessie is different from the others – she can eat regular food too, but yes, she prefers blood."

I just stare at him for a moment, still trying to cling to the hope that he might be joking. Is he saying that Nessie bites people? She's certainly never tried to drink _my_ blood. She's always so friendly, and she's been so nice to me. I can't begin to imagine her attacking or biting anyone. Then I remember the brother at Harvard, the one who's a doctor. "Does Mr. Cullen's brother, Carlisle, get them blood from the hospital where he works?" I ask hopefully.

"No. Well, he did get some donated blood for Nessie when she was a baby, but aside from that, they've all chosen to abstain from human blood. They drink from animals. Large game. I wouldn't be friends with them if they were going around killing people like regular vampires."

"Regular vampires?" I ask. The animal thing doesn't sound so bad, and it's definitely reassuring to know that they don't kill people, but everything he tells me seems to raise even more questions. Wouldn't it be in the news if there were "regular" vampires running around killing people?

"Most vampires drink human blood and aren't as civilized as the Cullens," Seth explains. "The way the Cullens manage to live among humans without harming them is pretty unusual."

"So you know some regular vampires, too?"

"I've met some. But let's stick with the Cullens right now, okay?"

"But are there a _lot_ of other vampires around?" I ask.

"Too many, in my opinion, but compared to the size of the human population, they're pretty sparse. The Cullens are probably the only ones within at least several hundred miles of here."

"So when you say 'the Cullens,' do you mean the ones at Harvard too?" It sounds like he's talking about more than Nessie and her brother.

"Right. Edward, Bella, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie are all vampires."

"And Nessie," I add, almost as a question. He did just say she drinks blood, but he didn't include her in his list.

"Nessie is half human. Remember I said she was different from the others?"

I nod. "So she's half human and half vampire? Only one of her biological parents was a vampire?"

"This is where it gets pretty complicated," he says, taking my hand and rubbing it slowly with his thumb. "None of the stuff she told you about her biological family is true. She was never adopted, and she's never experienced the death of a family member. Edward made all of that up for her to use as a cover story here at Dartmouth because the truth involves the supernatural, and there's no way she can tell people about her real family relationships."

"So what _are_ her true family relationships? Edward really is her brother, right?"

"No, actually he's not."

"But they look so much alike," I point out, startled by this revelation.

"Yeah. That's because she's his daughter," he says, watching me carefully. "His and Bella's."

I just stare at him for a moment, trying to make sense of this.

"Ever notice how different her eyes are from theirs?" he continues. "That's because she has her mother's human eye color - Bella's eyes used to be that same shade of brown. She and Edward got married when she was still human, but he was already a vampire, and she got pregnant during their honeymoon."

"So how did Bella become a vampire? He bit her?"

"Basically, yeah, but he didn't really do that like a regular vampire either. He first injected the venom with a special syringe, and then he bit her several times." The expression on Seth's face gives me the impression that he finds the idea rather disturbing, and his thumb pauses from drawing circles on my hand. "Jake was there for the whole thing, and unfortunately I've heard him remembering it, so I know more details than I really should. Edward had already agreed to change Bella because it's what she wanted, but I think they would have waited at least a few months if Nessie hadn't happened. Bella almost died giving birth to her. I'll spare you the gory details, but Bella wouldn't have survived if he hadn't changed her into a vampire right then. In fact, there were a few minutes where Jake actually thought she was dead, but Edward somehow kept her heart beating long enough for the transformation to take place."

This is sounding more and more absurd, like he got the story from a TV show or something. I try to imagine Mr. Cullen, my lab instructor, sinking his fangs into Bella's neck right after she's given birth to a vampire baby – a vampire baby who looks like a little miniature Nessie with fangs. It just seems so ridiculous.

Seth looks every bit as serious as he was when he told me he could turn into a wolf, so I trust that he's not just making this up. But even if I accept that vampires really exist – and I think I've accepted it - how can it make sense for the Cullens to be Nessie's biological parents? The timeline just doesn't add up.

"I'm confused," I admit. "How can they be her parents if they're all about the same age?"

"But remember, vampires don't age," he says. "It was a bit of an understatement when I told you earlier that Edward looks younger than he really is. He hasn't changed any, physically, since he was turned at seventeen, but he's actually over a hundred years old. He's posing as twenty-two right now and seems to be pulling it off pretty well, but technically he'll always be frozen at seventeen."

"And how old is Bella?"

"She was changed just before her nineteenth birthday, a little over ten years ago. So she'd be twenty-nine now. But as she reminds us every year on her birthday, she'll always be eighteen."

"But Nessie has to be at least seventeen." I am still so confused. Twenty-nine minus seventeen… "Bella got pregnant when she was twelve?"

"No, she was eighteen. Nessie's a lot younger than she looks. It seems human-vampire hybrids grow at an accelerated rate until they reach adulthood, and then they completely stop aging."

Twenty-nine minus eighteen… "So you're saying she's eleven?"

"She will be in September."

"So she's _ten_?"

He nods.

"And she and Jake are really married?"

"Yeah. I know that part seems pretty weird, But by the time she was chronologically eight years old, she was an adult physically, mentally, and emotionally. Jake has known her since she was born. They've always had a special connection, but they didn't start dating until after she was fully matured."

"I can see why you didn't want to tell me all of this last night," I tell him.

He grins. "Yeah. It's a lot."

"So all of that stuff Nessie told me about her mother dying and her parents being divorced – none of that was true at all?"

"No, that was completely made up. Nessie felt really bad about lying to you, especially when she had to give you a second version of it. She's kind of worried that you'll be upset with her."

"No, I think I can understand why she couldn't tell me the truth." I laugh, not because anything is funny, but just at the sheer craziness of this whole conversation.

"There's one other thing I think I should tell you about that night when you were talking to Nessie," he says, sounding unusually serious and maybe a little nervous.

"What is it?" I ask, turning my head slightly to look at him again. Our faces are just inches apart, and the look of worry and guilt in his eyes takes me aback. I wait, bracing myself for something potentially bad.

"I couldn't fall asleep, so I heard everything you and Nessie were talking about. Edward, Bella, and Jake did too. We all have enhanced hearing, and it was impossible not to overhear. There were some parts, like where Nessie was telling you about her fictitious mother dying in prison, where Edward and Bella were telling her what to say. Nessie could easily hear us from downstairs even though you couldn't."

"So you were listening to us the whole time?" How embarrassing! I'm trying to remember what we said. I'm pretty sure we were mainly talking about my mom. And I was crying a lot. But he had already seen that before he left the room.

"I'm really sorry," he says, looking ashamed. "I know it was a very personal conversation, and you thought you were talking only to Nessie. I should have left the house to give you real privacy, but I didn't."

"It's okay," I assure him, suddenly just wanting to make him feel better. "I didn't say anything that night that I wouldn't share with you, too. Well, at least, now that I know you."

"You're amazing," he whispers, clearly relieved that I'm not upset over the eavesdropping. "Thanks for being so understanding. In general, there's not a lot of privacy around the Cullen house, but you didn't know that then. I thought about leaving, but Edward and Bella would have still stayed around to help Nessie out, so you still wouldn't have had a private conversation. Nessie was so worried she would say something wrong since her experience being around humans has been pretty limited, and she hadn't dealt with the death of a parent like you thought she had."

"Plus there were all those supernatural secrets," I say.

"Right. Nessie's pretty good at keeping those, but Edward does tend to be a little overly cautious in that area sometimes."

"Were you helping her with what to say too?" I ask.

"No, I was just listening," says, looking a little ashamed again.

"It's fine, really," I assure him. "I don't mind that you were listening. It just makes me even more surprised that you ever wanted to hang around with me in the first place."

"Why?" he asks, looking genuinely confused.

"Well, it wasn't exactly my best moment. I was a mess that night. I hate that that was your first impression of me."

"Trust me; you didn't make a bad first impression."

The look in his eyes almost convinces me that he means it, but he's just being nice - I know what I look like when I've been crying that much. I shift my gaze to his hand and begin tracing patterns with my fingers, enjoying being able to touch him and marveling at how even his hands seem muscular.

"That feels really good," he murmurs with a contented sigh before getting back to the original topic. "Anyway, we were talking about Nessie's true family relationships, right?"

I nod, glancing up at him to show that I'm still listening. I guess there's still a lot left for him to explain.

"So Edward and Bella are her parents – her biological parents – and she's always lived with them," he continues. "Carlisle is the coven leader, and he's the one who created Edward. He's posing as Edward's brother right now, but Edward thinks of him as more of a father figure - he considers him and Esme to be his adoptive parents, so Nessie considers them to be her grandparents. The other Cullens are like siblings to Edward, so Nessie considers them to be her aunts and uncles. Their coven is really more like a true family, even though there's no biological connection except for Edward and Bella being Nessie's parents."

"What did you mean when you said Carlisle 'created' Edward?"

"He turned him into a vampire. He bit him but didn't drink, so the venom went through his bloodstream and started the transformation."

"So Carlisle is over a hundred years old too?" It is hard to imagine; I met him once last quarter, and he seemed very young to be a doctor.

"Right. He's the oldest one in their coven. I'm not sure of his exact age, but he was born sometime in the sixteen hundreds, so he's somewhere between three hundred and four hundred years old."

"That's hard to even imagine," I tell him. "Think of all the history he's witnessed."

"Yeah, he has some interesting stories. And vampires have perfect memories, so he never forgets any of it."

"What about Bella's dad, the police chief?" I ask. "Is he really her father?"

"Yes, he's human, and he's really her father. So he's Nessie's grandfather. And Bella's mother, Renee Dwyer, who lives in Florida, is Nessie's grandmother. She's human too, and she knows they're not normal but doesn't know they're vampires – they gave her a different story. Charlie does know, but he's only known the full truth for a few months now."

"So is Bella really your step-sister?" I ask.

"Yes. My mom is married to her dad. Charlie's been divorced since Bella was really young. He and Mom are both regular people – there's nothing supernatural about them. Well, I guess Mom carries the genes that she passed on to me and my sister, but the gene never activated for her or Dad."

"So you're saying the wolf thing is genetic? There's actual science behind this?"

"Carlisle took a DNA sample from Jake once, and he and Edward have been studying it. They have a lab set up in Carlisle's basement. They found some differences between us and regular humans, but even they don't understand it all. They're still working on it. But yeah, there's definitely genetics involved. Edward showed me how he mapped and sequenced the genome, but it's a little over my head. He's done it for himself and Nessie, too. Apparently even vampires have DNA."

I knew Mr. Cullen was really smart for a TA. He could explain things better than our biology professor could, and I had gotten the feeling last quarter that he actually understood some of the concepts better than the professor did. But sequencing genomes? Seriously? And then there was the music I heard coming from his house last weekend, and the meal he and Bella left for us recently. Is there no end to the guy's talents?

"What are you thinking right now?" Seth asks. "Which part of what I said is causing that look on your face?"

I laugh, a little embarrassed to realize that my mouth was actually hanging open in surprise. "I was just thinking how Mr. Cullen plays the piano better than anyone I've ever heard, cooks like a master chef, teaches biology better than the professor, _and_ he can completely sequence genomes in his dad's basement."

"Yeah, he's pretty talented," Seth agrees. "He's also fluent in forty-seven languages. And he can read minds."

I laugh at the obvious absurdity. Next, he'll probably tell me he can sprout wings and fly, too.

"And you can call him Edward," Seth says, looking more serious again. "I promise it's okay."

"I think I'm more comfortable with 'Mr. Cullen,'" I tell him. I'll probably always think of him as an instructor. And he did, after all, personally ask me not to use his first name. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like it if I suddenly started calling him 'Edward' again. He'd seemed pretty adamant about it.

"Well, suit yourself, but it's fine if you want to use his first name," Seth says. "Oh, and about the piano – what I told you earlier about him learning it from his biological mother was essentially true, but that wasn't the main reason I asked you not to mention his skill to anyone. No human can play like that. People's fingers just can't move that fast. And the complexity of some of his pieces is kind of inhuman too. So he doesn't normally allow humans to hear him play. It would attract too much attention, and it's important for them to keep their existence a secret."

"So that's why he seemed kind of embarrassed when I asked what he was playing."

"Yeah. He was probably embarrassed that he hadn't realized you were there – he should have heard you coming long before you were close enough to hear him. He doesn't normally slip like that. He must have been really absorbed in his music. What was he playing, anyway? Was it that really happy-sounding piece he's been working on recently?"

"I guess so. It sounded really… carefree and upbeat." Not at all like anything I would have expected from Mr. Cullen.

"Yeah, he's been in a pretty good mood lately."

"So he showed you all the genome stuff?" I ask. Somehow this all seems a little less crazy if there's science behind it. "How much of it do you understand? I mean since you have a veterinary degree – have you studied genetics?"

He shakes his head. "I had a class that covered the basics, but I don't have anything close to the depth of understanding that Carlisle does, or even Edward. I don't have their perfect memory, either. I felt like I was able to keep up fairly well when they were telling me about it, but I'm pretty sure they were dumbing it down for me, and I can't even remember everything they said."

"I still don't understand why you're at Dartmouth if you already have a doctorate," I tell him. "You just decided you wanted a business degree on top of everything else?"

"Tonight's topic is vampires," he says with a grin. "You don't have any more questions about vampires?"

"You really don't want to tell me why you're here, do you?" I ask, taken aback by his obvious avoidance of the question. I recall that I've asked him this once before, and he didn't answer then, either. "I thought you said you didn't want to keep any secrets from me."

"I did say that," he says earnestly, squeezing my hand. "And I meant it. But I also asked you to give me time. Can you be patient with me for just a while longer? I promise I'm going to tell you everything. Absolutely everything. I just don't want to overwhelm you with too much too soon. Can you trust me with the timing?"

I nod, once again unable to resist the pleading look on his face. And I do trust him – more than I've ever trusted anyone. But I still wonder what possible reason he could have for being so mysterious about why he's here getting a business degree.

Looking relieved, he leans toward me as if about to kiss me, and while I'm somewhat aware that he's probably trying to distract me, a kiss from Seth is something I will never be able to resist. I close my eyes - and then feel his forehead resting against mine. "Your friends are coming," he says with a small sigh. "I hear them out in the hall."

"What?" I ask, confused.

"Enhanced hearing, remember?" he whispers, pointing to his ear. He bends down to pick up his crutch and props it against the bed closer to him just as there is a knock at the door.

I open the door to find Taylor, Michaela, and Megan.

"Movie night in Adam and Dylan's room," Megan says. "You and Seth want to come?"

I turn to see what Seth thinks, and Taylor and Michaela both say, "Hi, Seth!"

He grins and waves at them, then picks up his crutch and hobbles over to the door. "Sounds good to me," he says. "What do you think, Chloe?"

"Sure," I say, though I'd much rather stay in my room with just Seth. I doubt I'll be able to pay attention to the movie at all since my mind will most likely be stuck in a loop reviewing all the bizarre things I've just learned. Oh well, at least I'll get to spend a couple of hours snuggled up with Seth.

"He's planning to start the movie at seven," Taylor says. "You guys want to walk over with us?"

"We'll meet you there in a few minutes," Seth says, glancing at the time on his phone. "I have a few things I need to take care of."

They head down the hall, and I can hear them giggling as they turn the corner toward the elevator.

"Can you hear what they're saying?" I ask, wondering exactly how "enhanced" his hearing is.

"They're just happy the two of us finally got together," he says, leaning his crutch up against the wall. "I guess our mutual attraction was more obvious to them than it was to us."

"I guess so," I agree, remembering the comments Taylor and Nessie kept making. "So what did you need to take care of?"

"Well, three things, actually. First, I wanted to make sure you don't have any more questions about the Cullens. I think we've covered the main things, and we'll see them tomorrow, so they can tell you more about themselves then, but was there anything else you were wondering about?"

"Nothing in particular, but if there's more you want to share, we can just let Taylor or Megan know we changed our minds. Did you really want to go see the movie?" I ask. Maybe we could just snuggle up here in my room instead.

"I thought it might be nice to do something 'normal' together. And you haven't seen your other friends as much lately since I've been taking up so much of your time, so this way you could spend time with them and me at the same time."

"Yeah, you're right," I say, feeling a little guilty that I haven't spent much time with my female friends lately. And something about the way he says the word "normal" gives me the impression that he finds the concept much more appealing than most people would. "Do you miss being normal?"

"A little," he says. "And that brings me to one of the other things I wanted to do before we go over there. There's another 'normal' thing we still haven't done yet."

"A selfie?" I ask, laughing as he aims his phone at us.

"Yeah, my mom was complaining that she hasn't seen a picture of you yet. Do you mind?"

"Of course not!" I assure him. "But you have to send me a copy."

I lean in closer to him and smile for the camera. He keeps snapping pictures, so I strike a few more poses. But he's _still_ taking pictures. I start laughing as I realize these can't all be for his mom. He just wants pictures of me! And he'd seriously better be sending me copies! Finally, I kiss him on the cheek, and that seems to get his attention. There's one more click, and he puts the phone back in his pocket.

"So earlier, when you asked if I miss being normal, were you saying I'm weird?" he asks with a teasing grin, turning toward me so that our faces are only inches apart.

"Weird's not the right word," I tell him, looking up at him and linking my fingers behind his neck. "You are unbelievably amazing."

His hands come to rest on my lower back, and I can feel the excitement building at simply being so close to him. "I'm glad you think so," he says. "But it is nice to be normal occasionally, as long as I'm with you."

"Will you come back over to my room for a while after the movie?" I ask hopefully.

His smile broadens. "Sure, if you want me to."

"I'll try not to fall asleep on you when the movie starts this time. I can't believe I've done that twice now."

"It's fine if you do," he assures me, pulling me just a little closer. "I love having you in my arms."

"Well, I plan on being in your arms either way," I tell him. "But I'd rather stay awake and enjoy the experience myself this time, too." I shift my gaze from his eyes to his mouth, which is now distractingly close to mine.

"Are you interested in knowing what the third thing is that I need to do before we go?"

"What?" I ask. I'd completely forgotten there was something else.

"Just this," he says, now close enough to brush his lips against mine. "We got interrupted before." For the next few minutes, my senses are reeling from the longest kissing session we've had yet, and I'm left wondering why we ever agreed to go to that movie.


	22. Dropping the Charade

**Dropping the Charade**

~~ Saturday, January 21, 2017 ~~

"You ready to meet some vampires?" Seth asks as I climb into the passenger's seat of his car.

"I've already met them," I point out, a little confused by his comment. "Unless the ones from Harvard are going to be there too?"

"As far as I know, it'll just be Edward, Bella, Nessie, and Jake. But even though you've known them for months, they've never been able to fully be themselves around you. They've only shown you their carefully crafted public story, and you've only seen them when they were being very careful to act human."

"What exactly do they have to do to 'act human'?" I ask, beginning to wonder if maybe this will really be a lot different from all of my earlier visits there. I'd thought the main difference would simply be that vampires would be a topic of conversation.

"Well, things like blinking, fidgeting, sitting, moving at a normal human speed, breathing - ."

"They don't have to breathe?" I interrupt.

"Technically, they're kind of dead. Their hearts stopped beating when the transformation took place, and they only have to breathe if they need to talk or want to pick up a scent."

"They certainly don't _seem_ dead." How can they be moving around, thinking and talking, if they're dead? I yawn, mentally berating myself for staying up so late.

"They don't yawn, either," he says, grinning over at me. "You should have seen some of Bella's first attempts at faking a yawn. It was pretty funny." He chuckles at the memory.

"What about Nessie? Does she breathe?"

"She apparently has a human respiratory system, and she breathes without having to think about it, but she can hold her breath for a pretty long time. She's never really tested her limits, though. Edward and Jake are both pretty overprotective of her."

"I can see that. Especially if she's only ten years old. I think that surprised me as much as the whole vampire thing did!"

"Yeah, she grew up really fast, especially the first few years. She looked five by the time she was a year old, maybe nine when she was really three. She looked like a teenager by the time she was five and reached her full height not long after that. She aged more and more slowly until the aging just stopped around age eight. But she's looked pretty similar to the way she does now for the last five years, so it's been a long time since I've thought of her as a little kid."

"You've known her since she was a baby?"

"Yeah. She wasn't a normal baby, either. She was walking and speaking in full sentences within weeks. She was reading at an adult level when she was just a few months old, and she devoured every book she could get her hands on. Even when she was a baby, you could carry on conversations with her that didn't really feel like you were talking to a small child."

"I knew she was really smart, but that's amazing! She probably doesn't find her classes here very challenging, then, does she?" I ask. Now that I think about it, I don't think she's ever gotten a question wrong during a study session.

"She doesn't really need to study at all. She read all of her textbooks as soon as she bought them, and she remembers every bit of it. She could probably quote entire pages along with the page numbers. It's the social interaction that she's really here for. This school year is her first time living in a situation where she's able to interact with humans on a regular basis – humans who don't know her secret like my people do. This is Bella's first time trying to blend in with human students, too. I think it's actually easier for Nessie than it is for Bella. Bella has to remember to breathe and fidget so that she doesn't stand out too much. Nessie mainly just needs to keep all her lies straight and make sure she doesn't touch anybody's skin with the palm of her hand."

I laugh, imagining the reaction of some random student if Nessie ever accidentally did that thing where she shares her thoughts. They'd probably think they were hallucinating! Or dreaming… "Hey, did Nessie touch me Wednesday night when we were at their house and I fell asleep on her?"

"Not that I know of," he says, looking over at me with a surprised expression. "Do you remember seeing something?

"When I woke up, I was remembering the most vivid dream I'd ever had. It was like I was looking at myself asleep on the couch, and you were looking at me like… like you thought I was amazing or something. And you moved some hair out of my face."

"I can't believe she did that," Seth says, chuckling to himself. "Edward definitely wouldn't have approved."

"Why not?"

"We weren't together yet - you weren't in on the secret."

"There's no way it would ever have occurred to me that it was anything other than a dream if she hadn't shown me what she could do yesterday morning. And even then, it took me a while to make the connection."

"Yeah, but you still noticed something unusual had happened. If any other odd things happened during your other visits, which is a very real possibility when you're hanging out with mythical creatures, the weirdness could have attracted your attention and you could have become suspicious that something wasn't quite right. But besides that, Edward knew I was interested in you, and he had asked her not to try to play matchmaker with us. Most of the time she does whatever he asks, and he always knows if she's up to something. So it's just funny when she's able to sneak something past him."

"So he didn't want us to get together?" I ask. This just confirms what I already knew – Mr. Cullen doesn't like me. I try to stifle another yawn.

"No, it wasn't that," Seth says, seeming surprised that I took it that way. "He just thinks it's better for these things to happen naturally." He looks over at me again as another yawn escapes, his eyes narrowed. "Did you sleep okay last night? Did you have nightmares about vampires or huge wolves?"

"No nightmares," I assure him. "I just didn't get much sleep. After you left, Taylor came over and we stayed up late talking."

"About me?"

"How'd you guess?" I say with a laugh.

"I knew she'd probably assault you with questions after I left. She and Michaela were whispering about us during the movie, and I saw her watching TV in the lobby when I was leaving last night. So you made me sound completely normal and boring, right?"

"Normal, yes. Boring, definitely not."

"So what sort of normal, non-boring things did you tell her?"

"I just meant I left out the stuff about wolves and vampires. She was asking how we got together. You know, the usual girl talk."

"Did you give her all the details?" he asks with a teasing tone to his voice.

"Well, probably not as much as she wanted, but yeah, I guess I told her most of it. Was that okay?" I ask, suddenly worried that he might not appreciate having our getting-together conversation recounted to one of my friends.

"It's fine," he says with a laugh. "My friends will most likely end up getting all the details too, whether I intend to share them or not."

"You mean because they'll hear it in your thoughts?" I ask.

"Yeah. I'll try to spare them the more personal details – I'm sure they really don't want a replay of our make-out sessions - but it's kind of impossible for me to not think about you."

I don't know about a replay, but I certainly wouldn't mind a reenactment. After sitting through the movie snuggled up with him last night, I have a much better understanding of the trouble Jake and Nessie seem to have in keeping their hands off each other even in group settings. I smile to myself as I remember the amazing kiss we shared in the elevator on the way back to my room and his teasing about how he needs to take me to movies more often. I look over at Seth, still finding it hard to believe that I have such a gorgeous, amazing boyfriend.

We pull into the Cullens' driveway, and Nessie is standing at the door, holding it open for us.

"I'm so excited!" she tells me as we step inside, though this is already pretty obvious from the huge smile on her face and the way she is literally bouncing with enthusiasm.

Jake, Bella, and Mr. Cullen are all standing there ready to greet us as well.

Bella looks happier to see me than usual. She and her husband don't look any more like vampires than they ever did. They just look like especially gorgeous normal people. I do notice that her eyes look even lighter than usual, and Mr. Cullen's do too. It has occurred to me before that it was kind of odd that they have the same odd eye color and are not related, but then I'd thought that maybe this was why they noticed each other in the first place. Now I wonder if it might be related to their being vampires.

Something in the kitchen smells really good – they must have been getting ready to eat lunch. "Did we come at a bad time?" I ask. "Were you about to eat?"

"No, you're right on time," Nessie says. "And you were invited for lunch."

"I guess I forgot to mention the food," Seth says.

"Seth told me you took the whole vampire thing pretty well," Jake says. "But you still seem a lot calmer than I thought you'd be."

"Well, it's not like I've never been here before," I say. Was he really expecting me to suddenly be scared of people I already know?

"You have no concerns about walking into a house of vampires?" Mr. Cullen asks, stepping closer to me. Like Bella and Nessie, he is smiling, but it's not the same kind of happy, welcoming smile the others have. He looks more like he's found something amusing – like he's laughing at someone's mistake. He always makes me feel so uncomfortable. "I think your sense of self-preservation is almost as bad as Bella's was."

"I'm not sure what you mean," I admit, taken aback by his tone. I know he doesn't like me much, but he's never really been so harsh or unpleasant before. "I've been here plenty of times, and Seth said…he said you don't go around hurting people like regular vampires."

"We _try_ not to attack humans, but the temptation is always there," he says darkly. "I, nor any of my family, would ever harm you intentionally, but don't _ever_ think we're not dangerous."

His eyes look darker now, and I feel a brief, unexpected spasm of fear. I squeeze a little closer into Seth's side, and he rubs arm comfortingly

"That's enough, Edward," Seth says, though he sounds more annoyed than angry or concerned.

"Don't worry; with the way you smell right now, you're not all that tempting," Bella says in an amused tone.

I've never heard her say anything so rude before, and I'm not sure why I would smell bad. I showered and put on deodorant this morning.

"You're covered in Seth's scent," Mr. Cullen explains. "The wolves smell . . . unpalatable to us."

"They think we stink, and they smell sickeningly sweet to us," Jake tells me.

"Oh. Well, I guess smelling 'unpalatable' is good," I say, still confused. Hadn't Seth said the Cullens preferred animals? Oh, but Seth can turn into a wolf.

"We try to limit ourselves to animals, but it goes against our instincts," Mr. Cullen says. "Humans are much more appetizing." He smiles broadly, and his teeth look incredibly sharp. I look away and mentally shudder.

"Dad," Nessie complains. It seems weird hearing her call him that.

"Cut it out, Edward," Seth tells him, more firmly this time. "You've scared her enough."

"Sorry," Mr. Cullen says, seeming only halfway apologetic, "but she was completely oblivious. I think she's starting to get it now."

"She does need to have at least some sense of the danger," Jake tells Seth.

"I'll be nice now," Edward says. His smile shifts into a much friendlier expression, but I am still thinking about his teeth. Even though he doesn't have fangs, I can't get over how extremely sharp they look – and to think that I had once daydreamed about him kissing me…

"No, that wouldn't have been very safe," Edward says, turning to me with a chuckle.

I wonder what he is talking about and just look at him, confused. His comment didn't seem to have anything to do with what Jake had said, and no one else had spoken – certainly not me. He has a mischievous crooked smile I've never seen on him before. He was always so serious in class, and the few times I'd seen him smile here at his house had been more smirks than true smiles.

"They're coated in venom," he continues, still looking right at me. "My teeth. You were noticing how sharp they are, were you not?"

"Um, yeah," I admit. "I didn't think I was staring, though. Sorry, Mr. Cullen."

"You can call me Edward now; I'm not your instructor anymore," he says easily. "Did you ever wonder at what a coincidence it was that I was always explaining to the class the exact lab problem you were struggling with?"

I think about that for a minute, and he is right. I had chalked it up to luck, or to his ability to anticipate where the class would have problems, but it was uncanny how he seemed to . . . know what I was thinking.

Edward's smile grows larger.

"You know what I'm thinking?" I blurt out.

"I thought I told you he could read minds," Seth says, sounding confused, as if trying to remember whether he really told me or not.

"I remember you saying that, but I thought you were joking!" I exclaim. He _had_ told me, and I guess after learning that he could hear the other wolves' thoughts when he was in wolf form, and seeing what Nessie had shown me yesterday, I should have realized he was serious. But somehow, it had not occurred to me that anyone could ever read _my_ mind.

"Sorry," Seth says. "I should have explained it in more detail, anyway. He can hear everyone's thoughts except Bella's, and he can hear from a pretty good distance away. Some of the others have special talents too."

He continues explaining about some of the other Cullens, the ones who are at Harvard, but I'm not really hearing what he's saying. I feel sick to my stomach at the idea that Mr. Cullen – or "Edward" as I'm allowed to call him now - might have overheard my embarrassing daydreams during lab. So he not only saw how I was acting, but also heard the ridiculous fantasies I'd indulged in when I was bored in lab. And now he's hearing me remembering it, so if he hadn't noticed the first time around… Okay, I need to stop thinking. Think of something else. I picture Seth's face in my mind, too mortified to actually look at him.

"There's no need for you to be embarrassed," Edward is saying. He sounds almost comforting now. "I've heard it all before, and I tune out as much as possible, especially in classroom settings."

I glance nervously at Seth, hoping fervently that he somehow won't guess what Edward was referring to.

"He's pretty good about ignoring thoughts, or at least pretending to," Seth says. "He won't usually respond unless you're intentionally addressing a question to him. He's just showing off for you right now so you can see that it's real."

"I'm sorry we embarrassed you," Bella says. "I can block him, but I have to be around to do it. Any time you've been here when I was home, your thoughts were private. I unshielded you for the last couple of minutes so he could demonstrate for you, but I'm blocking him again now."

"You mean you're keeping him from hearing my thoughts?" I ask.

"Right," she says.

"Thanks," I say, wondering how she can do that as well as whether she's telling the truth or not. I hope she is, although I probably couldn't embarrass myself any more at this point anyway. I can only remember being here one time when Edward was home and Bella wasn't, but I can't remember what I was thinking then except for being distracted by Seth's shirtlessness. Did he tell Seth what I was thinking that day?

I look at Edward, somewhat expecting him to answer, but I guess Bella is really blocking him. Or he's really good at pretending. Oh, well, I'll just ask Seth about it sometime.

"Who invited Alice?" Edward asks suddenly.

"I texted her this morning," Bella says, smiling. "I knew she'd want to meet Chloe."

"I told her, too," Nessie adds. "You don't mind, do you, Seth?"

"No, it's fine," Seth says. "I didn't suggest inviting your whole family today because I just thought it would be better for her to get used to you guys first, but I don't mind Alice joining us."

I glance out the window, confused because I don't see anyone out there.

"She'll be here in a few seconds," Seth tells me. "I can hear her car now."

Sure enough, someone pulls up behind Seth's car a moment later. It's a sporty blue convertible I haven't seen before, and a stylishly dressed girl with spiky brown hair steps out.

Alice is every bit as beautiful as Bella and Edward, and even more graceful, as she comes up the walk to the house. She throws the door open without bothering to knock and joins the six of us who are still standing in the entryway.

"So _you're_ Seth's imprint!" she exclaims brightly. "Do you know how much I hate being blind? It's so good to finally meet you! You're gorgeous!"

"Uh, thank you," I say, not quite sure what to make of her. Seth's what? Blind? I'm pretty sure she didn't mean it literally, so I dismiss her first two sentences as nonsensical. I notice her eyes are the same shade of topaz as her brother's and Bella's, and up close her clothes look even more expensive.

"She's the one who's psychic," Seth says. "But she can't see the future for me or any of the wolves. She can only see humans and vampires. So as long as you're with me, she can't see you either."

"Alice," Edward says in a warning tone.

"What? I was just going to shake her hand," Alice says defensively.

Edward raises one eyebrow as Alice extends her hand to me. We shake hands, and she feels so cold. It reminds me of what Seth said about them being "sort of dead."

"Is the food ready?" Jake asks. "It smells really good."

"Yes, go on and sit down," Bella says. "I was just keeping it warm until Seth and Chloe got here."

I follow Seth and the others into the dining room, and though the table seats eight, only three places are set. Jake sits down at one of them, and Seth leads me over to the other two that are across from Jake. I sit down where he indicates, but I must look confused, because Nessie offers an explanation.

"Full vampires don't eat food at all," she says. "I can eat it, but I only like certain things, and I'm not really hungry right now. So you all enjoy."

"Hey, Bella," Seth says with a mischievous grin. "This might be a good time to use vampire speed. We're hungry in here."

Bella suddenly appears out of nowhere, and almost instantly there is food in front of us. I don't even hear anything as the dishes appear on the table.

I look at Seth in surprise.

"They're really, really fast," he says.

"I know you told me that before, but – wow!"

"I can move that fast too when I'm in wolf form – but I'm not quite as graceful, and I've never tried it while balancing bowls of food," he says with a chuckle.

Everyone sits down, even the vampires, and Jake, Seth, and I start eating. This time I recognize most of the food – meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green beans, but they're even better than what my mom used to make. There's also some sort of pudding for dessert.

"So you cook even though you don't eat?" I ask Bella.

"I've always enjoyed cooking," she says. "In some ways it's more challenging now, since the scents are all different and I can't judge anything by taste anymore, but I still like to cook occasionally, as long as there's someone around to appreciate the results."

"We definitely appreciate it," Seth says between mouthfuls. "This is just like Mom's – really."

Jake makes a sound that indicates his agreement.

"Thanks," Bella says. "I watched Sue when she made it last year for Charlie's birthday."

"It is really good," I tell her. "So what does it taste like to you?"

"Dirt," Bella, Edward, and Alice all answer together.

"What would happen if you ate it?" I ask.

"It's probably best that we not describe that while you're trying to eat," Alice says with a wink.

"They have to throw it up later," Nessie whispers. "It's really disgusting."

"So what was with all the ice cream you said Alice bought?" I ask, remembering the contents of the freezer and Nessie's comment about how much Alice loves ice cream.

Alice started laughing. "Was that for you? I had thought it was for Seth. What flavor did you pick?"

"The chocolate with brownie chunks," I tell her. "So you saw that someone was going to ask Nessie for ice cream, and you stocked the freezer?"

"No, I can't see Nessie, either. I saw Bella at the store trying to guess what flavor to get. And no matter how hard I searched ahead for the correct flavor, there was _nothing_. So I got one of each."

"Thanks for doing that, Alice," Seth says.

"So do you even like ice cream?" I ask Nessie.

"It's okay as long as it doesn't have anything lumpy in it, like fruit or nuts or candy. Did it seem weird that I chose the plain vanilla?"

"No, I didn't think anything about it. Lots of people like vanilla. I like vanilla too, but I usually add chocolate syrup or brownie chunks. Or both."

"Chloe, I think we're going to be friends," Alice says.

"Because I add chocolate to my vanilla ice cream?" I ask.

"You saw her future?" Seth asks, looking oddly concerned.

"No," she says, shaking her head. "Neither. It's just that I know you've got to be really special if you're good enough for Seth. That, and I've heard that you like to shop." She winks at me again.

"Shop?" I ask, confused.

"When Edward and I first fell in love, Alice was hoping to turn me into her shopping buddy," Bella explains. "But I'm just not much into shopping or fashion."

"We don't have many friends outside our own family," Alice adds. "We live among humans, but we can't get too close to them because we have to move and change our story so frequently, and we can't be ourselves and risk revealing our true nature. So it's always exciting to have someone new."

"So you can't see my future at all?" I ask. "Just because I'm Seth's girlfriend?" I love being able to use that phrase.

Alice smiles. "If you were to decide to do something on your own, and he wasn't planning to be around you, I could probably see that if I was watching. But at the moment, your life and his seem to be pretty well intertwined. But you know," she adds, looking thoughtful, "I probably _could_ have guessed that you would end up with Seth if Bella hadn't asked me not to look."

"What do you mean?" Seth asks, looking from Alice to Bella.

"Bella asked me not to look because she didn't want to know what was going to happen with Chloe's mother," Alice explains, her voice taking a more solemn tone. "There are some things better not known in advance. But if I'd been watching her before winter break, I would have seen her future disappear when she visited here on her first night back to school and you im-– "

"Alice," Edward says in a warning tone, interrupting her.

"Oh!" she says, looking surprised. "I really hate being blind."

I look at Seth questioningly.

"Don't worry about it," he whispers, giving my hand a squeeze. "I'll explain later on."

"Has Seth taken you for a ride yet?" Nessie asks, apparently trying to change the subject.

"I'm not sure what you mean," I tell her, filing away my questions for Seth while trying to adjust to the sudden change of topic. I've ridden with Seth several times; in fact, he's driven me everywhere since that day when the roads were bad and I left my car here. But that doesn't seem to be what she's referring to.

A broad smile lights up her face, and after a quick glance at our empty plates, she turns to Jacob and Seth and says, "Come on, let's all go for a run."

"I'm not sure she's ready for that," Seth says, looking at me as if trying to decide.

"You're going to love this," Nessie assures me. Then she holds her hand out to touch my face but hesitates. "Can I show you?"

"Sure," I tell her, excited to experience her special way of communication again. Seth nods his agreement as well, and Nessie places one hand against the side of my face. Suddenly I see trees streaking past me at amazing speeds. I'm sitting on something – something alive and powerful and fast. I look down to see my hands – no, Nessie's hands - gripping the fur of a wolf, but the coloring looks like Jake's rather than Seth's. I can sense the ideas of fun, excitement, and speed.

"You see now what I meant about going for a ride?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say, turning to Seth eagerly. "Can we really do that?"

"You want to try it?" Seth asks me. He sounds surprised and maybe a little worried. He's probably wondering if it might be "too much too soon," but I don't get the sense that he's really opposed to it.

"Of course, I do!" I want to see Seth as a wolf again, and Nessie's excitement seems to be contagious. That looked like so much fun! It occurs to me that I'm feeling braver and more adventuresome than I have in a while, more like the way I used to feel when Brianna had just talked me into helping with one of her schemes. But this is way better than anything Brianna could come up with.

Nessie grins at me and takes my hand to pull me out of my chair and lead me toward the back door. Seth keeps hold of my other hand, and Jacob and the others follow behind us as we go out onto the deck.

"Go slow with her, Seth," Edward warns.

"Of course," Seth tells him.

"Bella nearly fainted the first time I ran with her," Edward adds.

"Keep your eyes closed, Chloe – trust me," Bella add with a knowing smile.

"You're not coming with us?" Nessie asks her.

"No, we'll get the kitchen cleaned up. You kids have fun," Bella answers.

She, Edward, and Alice go back into the house, and the rest of us walk down the steps into their back yard, which is quite large and backs up to the forest.

"So I'm going to ride on your back?" I ask Seth, a little unsure about how we get started with this.

"Right. The idea is that Jake and I will both phase, and you and Nessie can ride on our backs," he explains. "We can run really fast in wolf form, but we'll take it slow at first. And if you change your mind, or if you want to stop or slow down at any point, just say so, okay?"

I nod, but I'm still wondering exactly how this is going to work. I remember how tall Seth is as a wolf. Am I really going to do this? I've never even ridden a horse before unless you count the ponies at the fall carnival we went to when I was nine, and they just went in a circle. How am I going to balance myself on the back of a super-large wolf? Nessie's memories made it seem easy, but will it really be as much fun for me as it is for her? What if I fall off?

Nessie is looking at me so hopefully, and I recall how I could sense her excitement when she was showing me the plan. She wants to share this with me. I look at Seth again, and he looks rather hopeful too, though his excitement is obviously tempered with concern for whether I'm ready for this. He squeezes my hand, and that small gesture is all I need for my courage to return. I won't be riding on a random wolf. This is Seth, and I'll just be riding on his back. I trust him. He really will slow down or stop if I ask him to.

"I'm ready," I tell him. "Let's do it!"

"Okay. We'll be right back," Seth promises. He and Jake take off running, headed for the tree line without us.

"What are they doing?" I ask Nessie.

"They're going into the woods to phase, so they can leave their clothes there."

"Oh, right," I say, but I'm still a little confused. "I guess I thought I was going to get to see him phase again."

"When he phased for you before, he didn't strip _completely_ , did he?" she asks.

"No, just down to his boxers," I answer, a little embarrassed. "But I guess that would be too weird with all four of us here."

Nessie smiles. "Yeah, especially since they don't usually leave their underwear on."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense," I say, even more embarrassed. "Seth had said something that first time about needing to take his clothes off because he didn't have extras with him, so I guess I assumed they usually just put different clothes on afterwards."

"No, he just didn't want you to be uncomfortable, but he wanted you to see the transformation so you could see it was real. But it gets expensive to keep replacing clothes, and Jake and I don't like to take money from my parents for things like that," she explains. "It's not really that we can't afford it, but since we're trying to save money for other things we try not to be wasteful with clothes. So Jake's in the habit of going into the woods and leaving his clothes there so Mom and Dad won't have to see him naked. Seth probably isn't as worried about the cost of buying more clothes, but this is just what they usually do. I'm sure Seth wouldn't mind phasing in front of you again if you want to see it. I could get him a change of clothes from his room and leave it in the woods for him."

"No, that's not necessary," I assure her, not wanting Seth to ruin his clothes. I rather like what he's wearing today, and I'm certainly not going to ask him to strip in front of everyone. "I'm sure there will be other times I can see it later on."

"Okay, if you're sure," she says.

I nod and peer into the distance where Seth and Jake disappeared earlier, trying to see if the two wolves are emerging from the woods yet.

"So . . . . How much has Seth told you about me and how I'm different from my parents?" Nessie asks after a moment.

"Well, he said you're a half-vampire, and that Edward and Bella are your real parents, and that you breathe and have a heartbeat and they don't," I recount. And then I remember the most unbelievable part. "And he said you're only ten years old."

"I'm not your average ten-year-old," she says, raising her eyebrows. "You're not going to start thinking of me as a child, are you?"

"No. You definitely don't seem like a child. It still feels like you're my age, so it's hard to believe you were born only ten years ago."

"It's true," she says. "I'll have to show you my baby pictures sometime. I was born with a full set of teeth, but otherwise I think I looked pretty normal. I just grew up really fast. And I don't mean just physically. I've been a fully mature adult for over two years now, and mentally I was ahead of most human adults even before that."

I nod. "I think it's easier for me to think of you as eighteen, kind of like how I still think of Seth as being nineteen. I just can't quite wrap my mind around his being twenty-five."

"Good," Nessie says. "Because I _am_ eighteen. I just don't count my years based on how many times the earth has orbited the sun."

I laugh, and Nessie smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"There's something else I wanted to ask you about," she says. "How much did Seth explain about my eating habits?"

"You mean the part about drinking blood?" I ask.

"Right," she says, and seems to be waiting for me to comment further.

"Well, he said you prefer blood, which you get from large animals, but that you can eat human food too."

She nods and asks hesitantly, "And what did you think about the blood-drinking?"

"Well, it doesn't sound very appetizing to me," I hedge.

"Do you think I'm disgusting?"

"I don't think _you're_ disgusting," I tell her. "But I guess I don't really understand why you would want blood if you can eat regular food."

"It just tastes better," she says quietly, and her tone gives me the impression that she feels ashamed or embarrassed to be admitting this. "And it's fun to be able to go hunting with Mom, Dad, and Jake."

"Ness, I'm not judging you," I assure her. "You're doing what's natural for you. Or maybe not totally natural since you're choosing to limit yourself to animals, but you know what I mean."

"Thanks," she says, her face relaxing into a smile. "I've never explained any of this to a human before, well, except Jake, of course. It feels strange to be this open with anyone outside my family."

"It's okay, Ness," I insist, wanting to let her know it's okay to talk to me as much as she wants. "So blood really tastes better?"

"Well, actually I guess it depends on what type of blood and what food we're comparing," she says, her forehead wrinkling as she considers this, seeming intent on giving me a completely accurate answer. "I think eggs and peanut butter both probably taste a little better than deer or moose blood. But large predators like bear or mountain lion are better than any human food. Of course, nothing compares to human blood, but like Seth told you, we're 'vegetarians.'"

"Are you saying you've had human blood?" I ask, surprised.

"Only the donated blood that Carlisle purchased for me when I was a baby," she says defensively. "I never hurt anyone!"

"Oh, right, sorry, Seth told me that. I just forgot. But are you saying you remember the taste from when you were a baby?"

"I remember everything, starting a few days before I was born," she says. "I still dream about those bottles of human blood sometimes," she continues in almost a whisper. "But Dad usually wakes me before I can finish. "

"How does he – ?" I start to ask. "Oh. He hears your dreams?"

"Yeah, if Mom doesn't have me shielded. The scent makes him thirsty," she says.

"So do I smell edible to you?" I ask awkwardly. "Or do I still stink too much from being around Seth?"

Nessie laughs. "The wolves only smell bad to full vampires, so Seth smells fine to me – not edible, but not unpleasant either. You, on the other hand, smell absolutely delicious, but I'd never hurt you. You know that, right?" she says, looking concerned.

"Yeah. But your dad said there's always a temptation. Do you ever…feel tempted? Maybe not with me, but with people you don't know?"

"It's not the same for me as it is for Mom and Dad," she says. "For me, human blood definitely tastes a lot better, but there's no danger of me losing control. I can't help noticing the scent, but I've never actually felt tempted to attack anyone - I don't get the burning in my throat when I'm thirsty like Mom and Dad do."

"They get a burning in their throat?"

"Right. The way Dad explained it to me, it gets worse and worse the longer they go without blood. It's physically painful for them to be around humans when they're thirsty, because the scent makes the burning even worse. For them, drinking human blood is the only thing that can make the burning go away completely even for a short time. He said animal blood quenches the fire enough that they can tolerate being around humans without killing them. But if the burning gets bad enough, their instincts can take over, and that's when they can lose control and attack. "

"So that's why your dad thought I should be scared of them?"

"Right. There's always the possibility, like if they were thirsty enough and you cut yourself in front of them, that they could lose control, so he wants you to be aware of that. But neither Mom nor Dad has ever had an accident, so it's really pretty unlikely. And it's also not very likely that you'll be around them without Seth or Jake and me there too, and if anything happened we'd be able to protect you."

I nod, trying but failing to envision something like that happening. Even though I've never felt completely comfortable around them, Edward and Bella are both just too polite to imagine them ever attacking me.

"What are you thinking?" Nessie asks worriedly. "Sometimes I wish I had Dad's ability. I hope you don't think less of me because of what I am. We're still friends, right?"

"Of course we're still friends!" I assure her, giving her a hug. "And I think you're amazing. This is just all really new to me. I'm just trying to understand everything. You're still my best friend."

"Aside from Seth?" she asks with a knowing grin.

"Well, yeah," I admit, feeling somehow embarrassed at how strong my feelings are for him. I hope she doesn't mind being in second place.

Her smile grows bigger. "I'm so glad you two are finally together. You're so perfect for each other, and I can finally be myself with you now. It feels really good to be able to drop all the pretenses and secrets."

"Yeah, Seth said you were worried I'd be upset that you'd lied to me about some things, but I think it's pretty obvious why you did. I wouldn't have believed you anyway if you'd told me the truth," I tell her.

We both laugh.

"What do you think is taking the guys so long?" I ask.

"They were just giving us some time to finish our conversation. I hear them starting back now."

Sure enough, a few short seconds later, two wolves come bounding out of the forest, slowing as they approach us.

I immediately recognize which is Seth. How had I not noticed before how beautiful he is as a wolf? I guess it was too dark last time. And I was too freaked out to be paying attention to that sort of thing.

Seth lies down, assuming the same position as he had the first time I'd seen him as a wolf.

"Can you climb on, or do you need some help?" Nessie asks.

"Oh," I say. Of course - that's why he's lying down; he's waiting for me to climb onto his back. "I think I can do it." I walk right up to him, without fear this time, and run my hands through the fur on his back. He turns his head to look at me and it actually looks like he's grinning at me. I pull myself up onto his back, worried that I'm pulling his fur as I get on. "Am I hurting you?" I ask.

Seth shakes his head.

"You can't hurt him," Nessie says. "Mom once broke her hand trying to punch Jake, and that was when he was in human form. They're even tougher as wolves."

"Why did she punch him?" I wonder aloud.

"I don't know," she says, sounding a little annoyed. "They never would tell me. Also, I used to bite Jake all the time when I was a baby. I liked to watch the blood ooze out and see the wound heal – he heals really fast. Nobody bothered to tell me I was hurting him until I was two." She rolls her eyes but seems a little upset that he and her family had allowed it to continue for that long. "But you don't have vampire teeth, so you don't need to worry about that."

"Your venom didn't do anything to him?" I ask, remembering what Edward had just told me about their teeth as well as what Seth had said about biting but not drinking turning the victim into a vampire.

"I'm not venomous – my teeth are just really sharp," she explains. "If Mom or Dad bit him, it could be lethal."

"You mean it would turn him into a vampire?"

"No, that doesn't work with wolves. Most of what we know is from ancient legends of wolves who were bitten, and none of the stories mention survivors."

Nessie leaps several feet into the air and lands effortlessly on Jake's back with him standing at full height, and I start laughing. A day or two ago, seeing something that bizarre would have completely freaked me out. Today, it doesn't seem worth even asking about.

"What's so funny?" she asks, looking perplexed.

"I don't know; I can't explain," I say as I begin to get control of myself. "Everything is just so crazy."

"But it's a good crazy, right?" she asks.

"Yes, definitely, but I'm still getting used to all of this," I say.

"Hold on tight. Seth will need to stand up now. Can you wrap your arms around his neck?"

I lean forward and reach around his neck. My arms are just barely long enough to be able to link my hands together.

"Perfect!" Nessie says. "Don't let go."

"No worries about that," I assure her.

Seth stands up very slowly.

"Are you okay?" Nessie asks me.

"Yes, I'm fine. I think I'm ready."

"If you get scared or want to stop, just tell Seth," she reminds me. "They can still understand us, even though they can't talk."

"Right," I agree.

Then Jake and Nessie bound off into the woods, disappearing from sight within a couple of seconds. Seth moves more slowly, walking at first and then gradually breaking into a slow run. I wonder how similar this is to riding a horse. I rest the side of my face against the back of his neck and gradually grow accustomed to the rhythm. My initial worry that I might fall off is pretty much gone now.

"This is fun," I tell Seth, suddenly realizing I probably need to give him some feedback. We've been moving at this same pace for a while now, and it's nowhere close to the speed Nessie showed me in her memories. He must be waiting for me to tell him it's okay. "You can go a little faster if you want."

He starts picking up speed until the trees are just a blur. I have no idea how he's missing all of them! This feels so much faster in real life than when I was seeing Nessies memories! As I start to panic I remember Bella's advice and close my eyes. This is much better. I can still feel the speed as the air rushes past me, and the rhythm of the bouncing from the running is definitely not horse-like now - the movement is more of a steady vibration than a trot or a gallop or whatever you call it when a horse runs fast. I burrow my face into Seth's soft fur and focus on the feeling of having my arms around his neck, reminding myself that I can trust him. He wouldn't do this if there was any chance he could crash into a tree with me. It finally occurs to me that I could simply ask him to slow down – I keep forgetting that he can still understand me. But I know he is enjoying this, and I am determined to enjoy it with him. After a minute or so with no disasters, my fear of crashing has mostly dissipated, and I'm left with the thrill of the speed. Just as I'm starting to fully enjoy myself, we slow down and come to a stop.

I open my eyes and we are in Nessie's back yard again. Jake has already phased back, and he and Nessie are standing there waiting for us.

"Seth, that was amazing," I whisper.

"Do you need help?" Jake asks me after a moment.

I suddenly realize I'm still clinging tightly to Seth's neck, and I'm reminded of my last visit to the dentist when I didn't realize how tightly I was gripping the arms of my chair until the hygienist pointed it out after my filling was in place – how embarrassing. Seth is lying down again, so I'm not too far from the ground, but I feel a little disoriented. I loosen my hold, but I'm not sure I should completely let go yet. "Give me a minute," I tell him.

"Why don't you help her?" Jake murmurs to Nessie.

She comes over and lifts me off his back as if I weigh nothing and sets me down gently in the grass. She keeps her hands on my arms for a couple of seconds to make sure I'm not going to fall over, but I've regained my balance and feel fine now.

Seth stands and walks over to me. I think he's trying to make sure I'm all right.

"I'm fine," I assure him. I reach up and rub the fur on the top of his head again, like I did that first time he had phased for me, but this time I move down to stroke the fur on his face too. It still amazes me that this incredible creature is really Seth. But as much as I like looking at him in wolf form and learning more about this aspect of his life, I'm really starting to miss the human version that can hold hands with me and put his arms around me. "You can go change back now," I tell him gently.

Seth keeps looking at me for a few more seconds, and I'm pretty sure he's smiling. Then he turns, and I watch as he bounds back into the woods.

I turn back to Jake and Nessie just in time to see Bella, Edward, and Alice hop over the deck railing and drop fifteen feet or so to the ground. They all land perfectly on their feet and keep walking as if they had just jumped over a small puddle or something, like the distance to the ground was absolutely nothing.

I must look surprised, because Jake laughs and tells me, "You get used to it after a while."

"I think you handled that a lot better than I did the first time Edward ran with me," Bella says as their group reaches ours. "You actually looked like you were enjoying yourself!"

"I was, especially at the end. It helped a lot when I closed my eyes," I tell her, still wondering about her and Edward. "So Edward ran with you when you were still human? Do vampires change into another form too?"

They both laugh.

"No, vampires don't change into bats or wolves or anything else," Edward says. "We just run really fast."

"So it was like a piggy-back ride?" I ask.

"Exactly," Bella says. "A high-speed piggy-back ride."

"Can vampires run as fast as the wolves can?"

"You saw how fast I was moving when I served the food, right?" Bella asks. "Imagine that, running in a straight line through the woods."

Wow. Were Seth and I going that fast?

"Actually, which species is faster depends on which wolf and which vampire you're comparing," Edward says, apparently taking my question more literally than Bella did.

"Seth's sister, Leah, was fastest of us," Jake says. "She could run faster than any of the vampires except Edward."

"So Edward's faster than Seth?" I ask.

"Seth is more known for his sharp sense of hearing than his speed," Jake answers. "But he wasn't running full-speed with you just now. He can keep up with me when he wants to."

"I know we started off a lot slower than you guys, but we went really fast once we were in the forest. You're sure that wasn't full speed?" I ask.

Edward chuckles. "Not even close," he says.

"Were you going full speed with me that first time?" Bella asks him.

An amused smile begins to take over his face, but I'm distracted as I realize Seth is on his way back, and I watch as he jogs the rest of the way over to me.

"Hey," he says softly, touching my arm.

I smile up at him, happy to see him back in human form. He makes a beautiful wolf, but I'd much rather have this version of him – the one that can talk to me and make me feel so special with a simple touch, the one who can hug me back, the one who can kiss me.

"So you really liked it?" he confirms, grinning from ear to ear.

I nod enthusiastically. "I was a little scared at first, but Seth, that was _amazing_!"

"So you're ready to try it at full speed next time?" he teases.

"Sure, as long as you still start off slowly," I tell him, feeling brave. I'm amazed that he apparently heard the whole conversation while he was off in the woods phasing back and getting dressed.

"Really?" he asks, looking surprised. "Even if I told you I can go twice that speed?"

"I trust you," I tell him, holding his eyes to let him know I really mean it.

He brings his face closer and closer to mine, and I'm filled with surprise that he's going to kiss me right here in front of everybody. My eyes dart over to our friends to see if they're looking at us, but they're still having their own conversation.

"Don't mind them," Seth murmurs, his hands coming to rest at my waist as his lips brush mine. I'm still worried about our potential audience at first, but Seth doesn't seem to care at all, and I gradually relax into the kiss, deciding to trust his judgment as to the appropriateness of making out in front of our friends. I run my hands up his back and have completely forgotten we aren't alone when we're interrupted by Jake's whooping noises and some giggles which sound like they're coming from Nessie and Alice.

I glance over at Edward worriedly, remembering how much he dislikes public displays of affection, and I'm shocked to see that he is smiling as much as the rest of them.

He shakes his head, still smiling. "If anyone deserves this kind of happiness, it's Seth," he says. "I'm glad you two finally have each other."

"You're listening to my thoughts again?" I ask. Bella must have stopped whatever she was doing to block him.

"No, just reading your facial expression," he says. "I take it that Jake must have mentioned that I've complained about him and Nessie."

"Um, yeah," I say, glancing over at Jake as I wonder if he minds me telling on him.

"Doesn't bother me at all when Bella's around to block it," Edward says. "And even when she's not around, it's really only when it involves my daughter that I find it truly disturbing, so you and Seth don't need to worry about offending me."

"You'll find that we're all pretty affectionate around here," Bella says, smiling up at Edward who has moved behind her and is trailing kisses down her neck as if to prove her point. "And I think you two make a great couple."

"We all love Seth," says Alice, who has flitted over to stand in front of me, her pale amber eyes now staring into mine. Those eyes narrow at me. "Just don't ever break his heart, okay?"

"I certainly don't plan on it!" I assure her, wondering where that came from. I can't imagine ever doing anything to hurt Seth. Alice seems to have a habit of saying odd things, but I can't help but like anyone who cares so much for Seth's happiness.

"That's good to know," Seth whispers in my ear as he pulls me a little closer to his side.

Then Nessie comes over and places one hand on my face and the other on Seth's, and I see an instant replay of our kiss. Apparently we'd had an audience longer than I realized. Did we really kiss that long? I can feel my face begin to redden, but I sense only happiness in her mind, and it counters my embarrassment. She truly just wants to let us know how happy she is for us.

"Mom!" Nessie complains suddenly, and I look over in time to catch the end of some major PDA between Bella and Edward.

"Sorry, sweetie," Bella says. She and Edward grin apologetically.

"So what about you two – how did you meet and end up together?" I ask.

"We met at Forks High School, twelve years ago," Bella says. "I moved there in the middle of my junior year, and I saw Edward in the cafeteria my first day there. He was the most perfect boy I'd ever seen."

"Hardly," Edward says with what is almost a snort. "She was unfortunate enough to sit next to me in our biology class, and her blood called to me more strongly than anyone I've ever encountered. I nearly killed her right then and there."

"Really?" Seth asks, obviously surprised. "How have I not heard this story before? I mean, I knew you struggled against your instincts to be with her, but I've never heard anything about you almost killing her."

"Well, it's not something I'm particularly proud of," Edward says. "But yes, really. The day I met her was the closest I've ever come to losing control. Well, actually there were a few other times that were similar, and they all involved Bella. Somehow I managed not to kill her and persuaded her to marry me instead."

"The truth is that he saved my life multiple times," Bella says. "He was always so worried that his presence was putting me in danger, but if he hadn't been at Forks High, I would have been killed by Tyler Crowley in January of 2005. Edward stopped Tyler's van from hitting me in the parking lot at school. He stopped it with his bare hands and turned it so it wouldn't land on me. That's when I started to realize there was something really unusual about him, something more than human."

"At first I told myself she had only attracted my attention because I couldn't hear her thoughts," Edward adds. "That had never happened to me before. But when I saw Tyler's van careening toward her and saw her lifeless body in Alice's mind, all I could think was, 'Not her!'"

"That's also when I first started seeing that Bella could become my new sister," Alice says.

"So Edward told you about being a vampire after that, and you became a couple?" I ask.

"No, he pretended to ignore me for a long time, and I talked to Jake," Bella says, "and he told me about some legends he didn't even believe back then, legends about wolves and vampires, including one that specifically named the Cullen family. I did some research on the internet, and I had pretty much figured out what Edward was. But I didn't fully believe it until the next time he saved my life, this time from a serial killer, and I figured out he could hear thoughts. That was sort of our first date, at a restaurant in Port Angeles, but it wasn't planned. I told him my vampire theory on the way home, and he confirmed it was true. But I was already hopelessly in love with him by then."

"And I with her," Edward adds. "But I thought it would be selfish of me to rob her of her humanity. Things would have been a lot simpler if I'd just listened to her from the beginning and changed her when she wanted me to. But that's how a 104-year-old vampire ended up with a 17-year-old human girlfriend."

"Long story short, we got married right after we graduated from high school, and he turned me into a vampire as soon as Nessie was born," Bella concludes.

"I've never heard the story summed up like that before," Jake says. "You left a few parts out, but that's okay." He laughs.

"Yeah, there were some details there that were new to me, too," Seth says.

"So what did you think, Chloe?" Bella asks.

"It sounds kind of like a fairy tale, but with vampires," I answer. "Did it seem that way to you, like you had found your Prince Charming?"

Bella smiles. "He was way more charming than Prince Charming."

"Well, I'm not sure I'd call it a fairy tale," Edward says. "But it had a fairy-tale ending, anyway." He leans down to share another kiss with Bella, keeping this one reasonably brief.

"Yeah, and now we're all living happily ever after," Nessie says.

We spend the rest of the day with Nessie, Jake, and the Cullens. Edward and Bella are both a lot friendlier than I've ever seen them, and by the time I leave, I'm actually starting to think of them as my friends. I'm reminded of what Seth told me once of how Edward loosens up every once in a while. I don't think I'd believed him until today.

I finally drive my own car back to my dorm. When I get in, I notice it seems exceptionally clean – he must have had it detailed for me. And there's a new phone charger. I pull my phone out of my purse and note that the battery life is down to seven percent again. I plug it in, and sure enough, the charger is the right kind for my phone. Seth follows behind me in his vehicle to "make sure I arrive safely," or in other words, so he'll have an excuse to kiss me goodnight again. Or maybe so he can get my reaction to the gifts he knew I'd find in my car. I thank him profusely, and I think we may have put on a show for whoever was in the lobby.

As I step into the elevator, my lips still unnaturally warm from our kiss, it occurs to me that this supernatural stuff is starting to seem more normal to me. Well, maybe not normal, but at least less shocking. After seeing Nessie, Bella, and Edward darting around at high speed all day, watching them crumble boulders with their bare hands, seeing Edward's and Bella's skin looking like diamonds in the sunlight, and seeing Seth in wolf form again, it's finally sinking in that this is all real.

* * *

 **A/N: This chapter is a little longer than usual, but I didn't want to break it up. I hope you enjoyed! This was a fun chapter to write, and I'd really love to hear what you think.**

 **I wasn't originally planning to include the bit near the end about Edward/Bella's relationship, but I added that just for you, Amanda Pall. :) Did I get anything close to what you had in mind?  
**

 **Edward says here that there were a few other times after that first day that he came close to losing control and killing Bella. There were three specific times I had in mind, though two of them are my pure speculation. How many can you name?**


	23. No More Secrets

**No More Secrets**

~~ Sunday, January 22, 2017 ~~

We are sitting on the bed in my dorm room again, trying to finish the research paper which is due in our management class tomorrow. We're working on it as partners, and with him sitting so close to me, I'm having trouble focusing on the topic at hand. I watch Seth's fingers as they fly across the keyboard of my laptop that's balanced on his legs. Why did Dr. Baxter have to make this due tomorrow?

Yesterday's adventure of hurtling through the woods at such an unbelievable speed is still fresh in my memory. It was a crazy day, seeing Nessie and the Cullens demonstrate all their inhuman abilities. But the very best thing about yesterday was spending the whole day with my boyfriend – holding his hand, sitting with his arm around me, hearing his laugh, kissing him. He has a talent for making me feel so special just by looking at me, but it's really _him_ who is so completely amazing.

Seth nudges my leg with his. "You didn't hear anything I just said, did you?" he asks with a laugh.

"Sorry. I know we need to get this done. It's just that there's this really good-looking guy sitting next to me." I grin up at him and we share a brief kiss.

"I was telling you I just added a paragraph," he says. "What do you think?"

I shift slightly to get a better angle to see the computer screen, and his crutch which was leaning against the bed starts to fall. He reaches over me and catches it before it can hit the floor.

"So when are you going to tell me what really happened to your leg?" I ask.

"Did you read the paragraph?" he asks with a grin.

I take a few seconds to read before responding. "Yeah, it's perfect. So what about your leg?"

"You're sure you don't want to analyze another leadership style before we get into that?" he asks, obviously still stalling.

"Seth."

He looks over at me, and it is very apparent that he still doesn't want to tell me.

"It can't be that bad," I say.

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

"You were in Italy with Jake, Nessie, and the Cullens, right?" I persist.

He nods, and I wait.

"I've already given you so much to process in the last three days," he says after a moment. "Don't you need time to absorb it all?"

"I know I probably seemed a little overwhelmed at first, especially after you first phased for me," I tell him. "And I was. The whole idea of someone being able to spontaneously morph into a giant wolf seemed pretty far outside the realm of reality, and even though I saw it with my own eyes, for a while I kept asking myself if it was actually real. But as I've learned more and seen more impossible things, it's becoming easier to accept. Now that I'm aware that there's this whole supernatural world out there, I just want to know more about it. I want to know everything."

"I'm just worried we're going too fast with all this information," he says. "I've told you all the main things already. All that's left are details, but there are a lot of them, and we'll need to fill those in over time. There's no way I could tell you 'everything' all at once even if I tried."

"Seth, the details are _helping_ me process it all. Talking about it and seeing things like what I saw at the Cullens' yesterday help make it more real. I know there's a lot, and you'll probably have to tell me some of it two or three times because I won't remember it all, but I still want you to tell me everything. And I know you can't literally tell me 'everything' but you could at least tell me about your leg. And I'm not asking just because I want to hear about more cool supernatural stuff, but because this is _your_ world, and I want you to be able to share it with me."

"You make a pretty compelling argument," he says, looking torn. "I just wish we could wait a while on this one."

"Are there more kinds of supernatural beings besides wolves and vampires?" I ask, wondering how anything could be crazier than what I've already learned.

"No," he says. "Wait. Actually, there are. According to Edward there are real werewolves, the kind that change with a full moon, but they're nearly extinct, and I've never met one. They're called 'Children of the Moon.'"

"Okay, somehow the existence of werewolves doesn't surprise me at this point," I say. "But if you've never met one, what does it have to do with your leg?"

Seth laughs. "Nothing. But I was hoping it might distract you."

"Not a chance," I tell him. "Please?"

His grin gives way to a more serious look.

"I was in a fight," he admits. He holds my eyes for a moment, and then his gaze shifts back to the laptop that's still balanced on his legs.

"With who?" I ask. "Was it Jake?" I remember the way I've seen them roughhousing a few times, and then there was the memory Nessie showed me of the two of them fighting in wolf form.

"No, of course not!" he says, turning to me in surprise. "Jake was there, but we were on the same side. Like I told you before, he's my pack leader. We'd never hurt each other."

"So what happened? A regular person couldn't break your leg, right? Who or what were you fighting?"

"We were fighting some vampires," he says reluctantly. "The regular kind."

"Seth! Why would you do that?" I ask, horrified. The Cullens can rake their fingers through solid rock like it's sand! I don't even want to think about what a vampire could do if they were _trying_ to hurt someone! I suddenly remember the conversation about venom being deadly to wolves, and my voice rises. "What if one of them bit you?"

He just shrugs noncommitally, staring at the computer screen again.

"So the vampire you were fighting broke your leg?" I prompt.

"Sort of," he says. "I'd just finished with a different one, and I wasn't actively fighting at the moment she kicked me. I had phased back to human form, and I must've been in her way as she was trying to get to someone else. Otherwise, I'd have gotten a lot worse than just a broken leg."

"You're stronger when you're in wolf form, right?" I ask.

"Yeah, a lot stronger," he says. "Strong enough to have the upper hand with vampires, especially young ones like most of these."

"Really?" I ask, astounded. "You're _that_ strong? Stronger than a vampire?" I knew he was strong, but so far I haven't seen him do anything in wolf form that would compare to what I've seen the Cullens do.

"Actually, wolves and vampires are probably pretty evenly matched strength-wise," he says. "But thanks to the Cullens, I'd had practice fighting vampires, whereas the ones I was fighting had no experience with wolves. So I was more than a match for them in wolf form."

"So why did you go back to human form? You didn't know there was another vampire?" I ask, still marveling over his claim of being as strong as the Cullens.

"No, I knew there were others, but Quil needed help," he says, his voice growing unsteady with emotion. He looks me in the eyes again and reaches for my hand. "Jake didn't want me to phase, but he let me have the choice. I thought I could get to Quil, do something to stop his bleeding . . . . I felt an explosion of pain in my leg and passed out." He swallows. "When I came to, it was too late."

"Quil died?" I whisper. The name is familiar - I remember Jake mentioning him a lot last year.

"Yeah," Seth says, also in a whisper. Tears fill his eyes, and I regret forcing this whole subject of his leg.

"I'm so sorry," I say, kicking myself for using the same line I've grown so tired of hearing people say to me. I reach for his hand. "I had no idea. I should have let you wait until you were ready to talk about this."

"All of my veterinary training and experience was done in preparation for exactly that situation, and still, I couldn't do anything," Seth says, his voice breaking with pain and frustration. "Edward told me there was nothing I could have done, because of the venom, but I didn't even get to try."

"So he was bitten by a vampire?"

Seth nods.

"And this happened during winter break?" I ask. "Less than a month ago?"

"Yeah, it was a few days after Christmas."

"I remember Jake mentioning Quil before. He was one of your best friends, wasn't he? And Jake's, too?"

Seth nods, biting his lip as though he thinks it might help him control his emotions.

"I wish you'd told me earlier that you had just lost a friend," I say gently. "You've been grieving these last three weeks as much as I have, and I didn't even know!" I feel terrible that I've been dumping all of my pain on him, without realizing that he had also just lost someone close to him. I slip my hand from his so that I can move the laptop off to the side and pull him into a hug.

He leans into my embrace, resting his head on my shoulder and rubbing my back idly. "I didn't want to burden you with this," he says. "You just lost your _mother_. You don't need my problems too. Besides, the whole thing with the battle between us and those vampires wasn't exactly something I could bring up in a normal conversation, and I wasn't going to make up lies about how he died."

"I understand. It's just that I want to be here for you, Seth, the way you've been here for me," I say earnestly. "Any time you're thinking about Quil, I want you to know you can talk to me. Okay?"

I feet a hot tear soaking into the sleeve of my shirt, and I tighten my arms around him. Soon he is sobbing without restraint. His raw emotion hits me like a wave and crashes through me, triggering thoughts and memories of my mom that hadn't surfaced in a while. Why does life have to be so unfair? Why should Seth have to hurt like this? I run my fingers through the back of his hair in an attempt to comfort him, wishing I could do something more. He sniffles and his back shakes in my arms.

We sit, holding each other for several minutes, just letting the tears fall.

"Thanks," he says after we've both cried ourselves out. We are still clinging to one another, but we have stopped crying enough that we are both breathing normally again.

"I haven't done anything," I say, wishing I could really make things better for him.

"You let me soak your shirt," he says, and I feel his face stretch into a smile against my shoulder.

"Any time."

"Seriously, thanks for giving me a chance, for not running away from all this supernatural craziness. You could have bolted when you found out I could turn into a wolf, or when you found out I'm living with vampires."

"Well, like Nessie said, it's a good kind of crazy," I assure him, remembering our run through the forest.

"I'm glad you think so," he says, leaning back enough that he can look at me. He still has some redness around the eyes but otherwise shows virtually no signs of having been crying. Why can't I be like that?

"I'm glad you finally told me about all of this," I tell him. "I understand now why you've been putting if off, but it means a lot that you were willing to share it with me."

"I want to share everything with you," he says, looking into my eyes. My breath catches in my throat, and I return his gaze, unable to look away. His focus shifts to my mouth and he runs his thumb across my lips. "You are so beautiful."

I laugh unexpectedly, spoiling the moment. The word "beautiful" is just so incongruent with the way I know I really look.

"What?" he asks, obviously confused.

I shake my head as I try to stop laughing. "My face is all red and splotchy and puffy from crying, and I can't even breathe through my nose right now," I say. "And you pick this moment to tell me I'm beautiful."

"Well, you are," he insists, looking at me intently. His fingertips lightly graze my jaw line as he leans in and lowers his mouth to mine. This kiss lasts longer than any of our previous ones. It starts out slower, but as it progresses it becomes decidedly less careful and more demanding. Finally, he pulls away from my mouth, dropping several more kisses down my neck before sitting back, panting. My heart is beating so hard I can actually feel it thumping in my chest.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asks, suddenly seeming concerned.

"No, not at all! That was awesome!" I assure him.

"If I'm ever being too forceful, just let me know and I'll stop, okay?" he says.

I nod, but I can't imagine him ever hurting me.

"So you had fun yesterday? At the Cullens'?" he asks, leaning back against the wall.

I nod again, trying to think how to explain how much I enjoyed getting to know them all better, with them all really being themselves, and then I remember another question I'd been planning to ask Seth. "Nessie said that one time Bella punched Jake and broke her hand. Do you know the story behind that?"

"I can tell you if you promise not to tell Nessie."

"I won't tell anyone," I assure him.

"Jake would kill me if she ever found out," he continues. "Actually, I'm pretty sure this is what Jake thought I was going to tell that night he broke my other crutch. I wouldn't have, of course, because Nessie was there, and even if I changed the names she'd have figured it out, and I'm pretty sure she's happier not knowing the details."

"So Jake has told you what happened?" I ask.

"Not verbally, but I heard it in his mind the evening after it happened."

"Oh. So…?"

"Well, there was a time, before Bella and Edward were married, before Nessie was born, when Jake thought he was in love with Bella."

"What?" That would just be wrong. Jake and Bella? I think I'm starting to see why she might have punched him.

"This is back when she was still human," Seth continues. "She was already in love with Edward, but he had been gone for a few months. Bella and Jake spent a lot of time together while he was gone. They were just friends, but Jake wanted it to be more. Then Edward came back and of course Bella was still in love with him. But Jake got this bright idea that he would convince Bella that she really loved _him_." Seth rolls his eyes.

"So what did he do?"

"Jake kissed her. A little more forcefully than I just kissed you," he says.

I smile at the memory.

"Only she wasn't a willing participant," he continues. "When she broke her hand, we all thought Edward was going to kill him. I think the only reason he didn't was because he knew it would upset Bella."

"So how did Jake and Edward end up being such good friends?" They seem to get along fine now.

"It took some time. When Bella and Edward got married, Jake knew he'd lost, but he and Bella were still friends. And remember, Edward could hear Jake's thoughts, so I guess he realized that when he wasn't trying to steal his girl, Jake was really a pretty decent guy."

"And Jake fell in love with Nessie and figured he'd better be nice to her dad?"

"Something like that," Seth says with a laugh.

"I don't know if I'll ever get used to Edward," I say. "I've always felt sort of uncomfortable around him, and even though he's being friendlier now, I feel weird knowing he can hear my thoughts."

"I think most of the time he doesn't pay much attention to what he hears. It's probably just background noise. He described it one time like being in a crowded room where everyone is talking at once."

"I hadn't thought of it that way," I say, encouraged by the idea that he might not have heard all my thoughts in lab after all. Hopefully everyone else's thoughts drowned mine out.

"He didn't scare you too much yesterday, did he?"

"No. Well, maybe a little, there for a minute, when he was trying to."

"I would have stopped him sooner, but I knew what he was doing. He wanted to make sure you understand the risks of being around them. And there are risks."

"But Nessie said he and Bella have never had an accident," I point out.

"They've had some near misses," he says. "It takes a lot of effort for them to live the way they do. It goes against their nature."

"Well, if they've never actually hurt anyone, they must be pretty good at it," I observe.

"They are, but like Edward said, they're always tempted," Seth says. "And I only bring up this next point because I want to be completely honest with you: Nessie didn't say they've never hurt anyone, only that they've never had an 'accident.'"

"Are you saying they've hurt people on purpose?" I ask, alarmed.

"Only Edward, as far as I know, and it was a really long time ago," Seth says, sounding somewhat defensive of his friend. "There were a few years when he decided he wanted to live like a regular vampire."

"So you're saying he's _killed_ people?" I try but fail in imagining the overly polite Mr. Cullen stalking and attacking people.

"He's had a clean record for over eighty years now," Seth says, still defending him. "I'm not really supposed to know about it, but he explained it to Nessie, and she told Jake, and of course I hear everything he's thinking when we're in wolf form. So Edward's never talked to me about it, but he probably knows that I know. And he'll probably know I told you. But I'm sure he'd appreciate it if you don't bring it up."

"Do you really think it's safe for him to be teaching classes full of human beings?" I ask. What if he's feeling "thirsty" and someone gets cut on broken glass or something during lab?

Seth shakes his head dismissively. "Next to Carlisle, and maybe Bella, Edward probably has more self-control than any other vampire on the planet. Even when he hunted humans, he limited himself to murderers and rapists and such. He may have saved more lives than he took – not that it makes it okay, but he's never killed accidentally, and he's never killed an innocent person. And you heard him tell yesterday how he managed not to kill Bella even though her blood was more of a temptation for him than anyone he's ever met. So I do feel like he's safe in the classroom. I think he just wanted to scare you a little because it is possible for them to lose control under extreme circumstances, and like Edward mentioned, there were some close calls with Bella before she was changed. But the Cullens are really good people. It took my people a while to realize it, but they've become much more than just our allies against common enemies – they've really become our friends."

"You mentioned Edward was at that fight during winter break, right? So he was fighting there too?"

Seth nods.

"And he didn't get hurt?"

"Not that I'm aware of, so if he did, it was nothing serious," he says. "Vampires can reattach body parts, and they heal even more quickly than the wolves do. I didn't really have time to watch what Edward was doing. There was just too much happening at once."

"What happened to the vampire who hurt you? What are the chances you might run into her again?"

"She's still in Italy, but she's not a threat to me anymore. She was one of the ones who surrendered at the end. The ringleaders had all been destroyed by then, and Carlisle wanted to let the rest of them live."

My brow furrows and I can feel the blood draining from my face. This "fight" was obviously much larger and more deadly than he had let on at first. How much danger had he really been in? "So you're saying this was a fight to the death? The two sides were actually trying to _kill_ each other?"

"I'm sorry," Seth says, leaning forward and holding his head in his hands. "This is the other reason I didn't really want to go there with this conversation. I hope you can understand that I had to help protect my friends."

"Wait," I say, as the full implication of what he just said begins to sink in. "Do you mean… You personally _killed_ some of the ones you were fighting with?"

He looks at me, his eyes pleading. "Regular vampires aren't like the Cullens. They're our natural enemies. Killing them is both an instinct and an obligation. The wolves are protectors – we protect our people from vampires. That's why the wolves exist. It's our purpose. Our ancestors made an exception for the Cullens because they chose not to hurt people, and we've become friends with them because of Jacob's relationship with Renesmee and because they've earned our trust. But regular vampires don't live alongside humans and teach biology labs; regular vampires would have biology students for lunch."

"So when you kill them, you're saving people's lives, right?"

"Yes. Exactly," he says, giving me a small smile.

"And you only kill them when you're defending yourself?"

"Well, in the situation last month, yes. But that was Carlisle's rule. Jake and Sam only agreed not to finish them off because of our alliance with the Cullens. We had gone there to help the Cullens and because we knew there might be an opportunity to get rid of some of those bloodsuckers. And I'm going to be honest with you – I enjoyed killing them. These creatures were nothing like the Cullens. The Cullens have managed to hang onto much of their humanity, but these beings are monsters that exist only to kill innocent people."

"How many have you killed?"

"Two last month, and one about eleven years ago."

"Oh. So this sort of thing doesn't come up often."

"No, it doesn't. Actually, it's pretty unlikely that anything like what happened last month will ever happen again – at least not in the foreseeable future. We dealt with the situation pretty thoroughly."

"Good. I don't want anything to happen to you, and I would be terrified for you to get involved in another fight like that one. It sounds like you were really lucky that you only ended up with crutches this time."

"It doesn't bother you that I've killed vampires?" he asks, still sounding worried.

"Seth, I'm still getting used to all of this supernatural stuff. But from what you've said, it sounded necessary, like self defense. And you probably saved a lot of people's lives, right? They would have kept killing people if you hadn't stopped them, right? And humans _can't_ stop them, so it's not like they could fit into our normal justice system or anything like that."

"Yes. Exactly," he says, the tension in his face dissolving into a smile. "Chloe, you amaze me. I was afraid that since your only frame of reference was the Cullens, you might not appreciate how inhuman and dangerous these creatures are."

I reach for him, and he leans forward to accept my hug.

"Seth, you're the best, nicest, kindest person I've ever met," I tell him, pulling him closer. "If you can kill them, they have to be truly awful, and I'm sure it was necessary. I'll trust your judgment on that."

"Chloe, you're amazing," he whispers in my ear.

"You're the one who's amazing," I tell him, very aware of the warmth of his neck against my cheek. He is amazing even without all of the supernatural stuff, but his inner strength and his willingness to protect his friends at the risk of being killed by vampires is truly incredible. I still don't quite understand what he sees in _me_ , but it makes me feel really special that this super strong person seems to need me – that he feels comfortable enough to let his guard down, cry on my shoulder, and share his most closely-guarded secrets.

I plant a kiss at the base of his neck, reveling in the newness of being able to show such physical affection – just to be able to give him a comforting hug or kiss. So many times over the last few weeks, I have longed to reach out and touch his face, to hold his hand, to let him know that I cared about him in a way that went beyond casual friendship. It feels so good to be able to show him how much I care without wondering what he'll think about me or being afraid I'll scare him off.

He squeezes my shoulder gently and slides his hand down my arm in a caress. It makes the cold, wet fabric press against my skin, only to be heated almost immediately by his warm touch. He pulls back and gives me a sheepish look.

"Sorry I messed up your shirt," he says. "You really are soaked. I didn't mean to lose it like that. I thought I'd be able to give you an overview of what happened without breaking down like that."

"It's okay, Seth. Sometimes it's good to just let it all out. You've been there for me several times these last few weeks."

"Quil was like a brother to me. I just wish there was something I could have done to save him."

"I know. It's like what we talked about earlier, with my mom and your dad. There are always the 'what ifs.'"

"Yeah."

"How old was Quil?"

"Same age as Jake. Twenty-seven."

"Was he married?"

"No. He actually still lived with his mom. Her name's Joy, and she's the newest member of the tribal council. She took his grandpa's place when he died. And Quil was like a brother to Claire Young. They were really close, so his death has been really tough on her too. Mom and Charlie have been doing what they can for them, but you know how that is. When someone dies, there's nothing you can really do to truly make things all better."

"You've definitely helped me," I tell him. "I mean obviously you can't fix things, but it helps just knowing I can talk to you about her and to have you hold me when I need to cry. And now at least I don't need to feel guilty about that."

"Why would you feel guilty?" he asks, looking perplexed.

"That time in Nessie's back yard, and the time at my house – you smelled so good, and it felt so good to have your arms around me. And that first time, I didn't really even know you yet. I guess I felt guilty that I could feel so attracted to you when I was missing my mom so much at the same time, and I felt guilty because I thought you were just being nice, and I was having those thoughts about you."

His mouth turns up in a knowing smile. "I felt a little guilty those times too, because I thought you only needed a friend, and I thought it might be a long time before you were ready for more. It hurt me to see you in so much pain, but I was enjoying the excuse to be so close to you at the same time."

"Well, I'm here for you any time you want to talk about Quil," I tell him.

"Thanks. You've already helped me a great deal. More than you know." The way he says the last few words gives me the distinct feeling that there's something specific he's thinking of, something he's unsure about sharing.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"It's a little hard to explain. The wolf pack has been the most important part of my life for so long, and for part of it to be gone – I can't even begin to explain how it feels. At first, it seemed like it was affecting me even more than it did the others. And Jake and Embry have been best friends with Quil their entire lives – they weren't just friends because of pack. But I think I've struggled with it more than they have. And don't get me wrong – it's been really tough on them, too. But being with you makes it easier for me."

"Why? Was there something in particular I said that helped?"

He shakes his head. "There's one more rather important detail I haven't told you yet," he says, looking very serious again. "It relates to all the wolf stuff. Jake thinks I should wait longer before explaining this, but – well, you've handled everything else so well, so much better than I dared to expect, and I think you deserve to know the full truth. I want to be finished with all the secrets."

"Okay," I say, suddenly feeling nervous about what this might be. This is it. This is the thing he's been _really_ worried about telling me. "So what is it?"

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry to end it there! As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter!**


	24. Lifelong

_From the previous chapter:_

 _"There's one more rather important detail I haven't told you yet," he says, looking very serious again. "It relates to all the wolf stuff. Jake thinks I should wait longer before explaining this, but – well, you've handled everything else so well, so much better than I dared to expect, and I think you deserve to know the full truth. I want to be finished with all the secrets."_

 _"Okay," I say, suddenly feeling nervous about what this might be. This is it. This is the thing he's been really worried about telling me. "So what is it?"_

* * *

 **Lifelong**

"Do you remember when I explained the reasons that I haven't dated anyone before now?" Seth asks nervously.

I nod, wondering what he left out.

"Well, those reasons were all true, but there's another, bigger reason behind those reasons," he says.

He pauses, and I am getting more and more worried. This is starting to sound like something that could affect our relationship.

"There's something called 'imprinting' that's part of the wolf legends," he continues. "When a wolf imprints on someone, he becomes bound to that person in a supernatural way. It's not something he consciously causes to happen; it just happens when he's met the right person. And the person he's imprinted on becomes the most important thing in his life. For example, Nessie is Jake's imprint – you've seen how his world revolves around her. So the main reason I've never let myself get involved with anyone before is that I'd have to leave that person when the imprinting finally happened because -."

"Are you saying you'll have to break up with me whenever this imprint thing happens?" I interrupt, my voice rising as the panic sets in. No wonder he seemed to be dreading telling me about this. I should have known this was all too good to be true!

"No! Chloe, I imprinted on _you_!"

"What?"

"You're my imprint."

I just stare at him, unable to find any words to appropriately describe my confusion.

"Sorry, I wasn't explaining that very well. It happened when I first met you, when I first looked into your eyes. It probably looked like I was staring at you. It's hard to describe how it felt – it was like the whole universe shifted, and you became the center of my world. I knew instantly that you were the one I've been waiting for."

"So you're saying it was like love at first sight for you?" I ask. This makes no sense.

"Something like that," he says. "Well, it's more than that, deeper than that. It's a special bond, a shifting of priorities. Some members of the pack have imprinted on children or babies, so they were more of a friend or mentor or special babysitter at first. So imprinting doesn't necessarily mean romantic love or a physical attraction – it depends on the situation, on what the person who was imprinted on needs. In our case, with you and me, I definitely find you attractive. I think I've probably made that clear already. But it's not just a physical attraction or romantic feelings – it's much more."

"And you've felt this attraction to me since that first time we met?" I ask. "When I was crying and you and Jake left the room so I could talk to Nessie?" That _really_ makes no sense.

He nods his head. "I left the room because I couldn't think straight. I wanted to hold you, to try to comfort you, but what would you have thought if some guy you'd just met was trying to hug you and wipe away your tears when we'd just been introduced? So I left the room, and I took Jake with me because I needed him to help me calm down, and then he and Edward and Bella helped me figure out how I could spend time with you so we could actually get to know each other."

"But I looked awful. And we hardly even spoke to each other that night. Why would you have imprinted on me?"

"You didn't look awful," he insists. "I don't know why you keep saying that. You were the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. But I don't think that's _why_ I imprinted; it doesn't work that way. I just knew you were the one."

He seems desperate for me to understand, but I'm still really confused, my mind scrambling in its attempt to fit this new information with what I remember. "So is that why you asked me to share books?" I ask. "You had this all planned out since the night you met me?"

"Yeah," he says, still looking like he's expecting me to be upset. "I didn't plan every detail, though - just the part about sharing books. And the plan to take advantage of any opportunity that came up for us to get to know each other better."

"Why do you look so worried?" I ask. "There's still something you're not telling me, isn't there?"

"I'm just waiting for you to freak out," he says. "Can you please tell me what you're thinking?"

"I think I'm still trying to absorb it all," I say.

"Are you angry with me?"

"No, of course not," I say, my voice softening. I'm not quite sure what I'm feeling, but it doesn't include anger.

He breathes a short sigh of relief but still looks really tense.

"Is there more?" I ask. "I'm not understanding why you're so worried. I feel like I'm missing something."

"It's just that this is so important to me," he says. "This is a lifelong bond, at least for me, but you have the choice to stay or go. I don't want all of this craziness to scare you off. I need you to give me a chance to show you that we're perfect together."

"I already know we're perfect together," I tell him, grasping onto the last few words he'd said, and this brings a smile. But I'm still turning the "lifelong" around in my head. It's reassuring to hear that he's not going anywhere – this is a good thing. But still, he said "lifelong"!

My mind is still spinning, trying to fit this with things that happened earlier. There was the way he followed me outside at that first study session and insisted on trying to make me feel better, and the time he invited himself to hang out with me in my room after Jake and Nessie left. And how he stayed and helped me calm down after I started crying again. And when we stopped to eat at that fast food place in my hometown, I caught him staring at me the way Jake looks at Nessie. And Taylor and Michaela have mentioned seeing him look at me that way at other times too, when I wasn't looking. So he's had these feelings for me all along, since the very first day he saw me, and has been hiding them? And all of this is due to some supernatural bond?

Suddenly I remember another question he wouldn't answer earlier. "So can you tell me now why you're here at Dartmouth? Did you come here because of me?"

"Guilty as charged," he says.

"But how did you know I would be here?"

"I didn't."

"What?"

"I'm at Dartmouth because of you, but that's not why I was in town in the first place."

"Oh," I say, looking at him for further explanation.

"I was staying with Jake because Carlisle needed to check my leg again one week after the surgery. I didn't want to spend the time and money to fly home for just a few days and have to come right back. If I hadn't met you, I would have gone back home once my leg was healed, at the end of that week. Instead, I enrolled as a business major so I could have some classes with you and give us a chance to get to know each other."

"So this imprint thing is just random? You don't know why it happened with me?"

"I wasn't able to choose when it would happen, or who it would happen with, but I still wouldn't call it random. When my friends and I first started phasing and began realizing the legends were all true, a lot of guys in the pack didn't want to imprint because they felt like it would take away their ability to choose who they would be with. But after what I've seen with the others who've imprinted, I don't look at it that way. I think maybe there's just one person in the world who is the perfect match for each of us, and imprinting just helps us recognize that person."

"I guess I can see why you didn't tell me this when we first met," I say.

"Yeah, 'Hi, I'm Seth. I can turn into a wolf, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Wanna share books and go hang out with some vampires?'"

We both laugh, and he seems to relax a little.

"You would've thought I was psycho, right?" he says.

"Yeah, probably," I admit. I remember thinking something along those lines when he first tried to tell me he could turn into a wolf.

"And then when I kept showing up, you'd have thought I was stalking you. It probably wouldn't have turned out very well."

"But what I still don't understand is that you were in class the next morning," I tell him, still trying to fit my memories of my first encounters with him with what he's telling me. "You just said you enrolled after you met me, but school had already started. I missed the first day."

"Right, I started on the second day. Same as you."

"But how did you get enrolled so quickly?" I ask. "Are you really a student, or did you just start showing up for class?"

"I'm really a student. Edward hacked into the school computer system and got me enrolled before you even left the house the night I imprinted."

"Isn't that illegal?"

"I'm sure the actual hacking is. And he lied about my age. But we followed the rules on everything else. The school's getting their money, and I met the criteria for admission. I used my real high school transcript – just the date was changed."

"So you're paying full tuition at an Ivy League school just so you can have some classes with me?" I ask, still finding this all a little hard to believe.

"No, I don't have that kind of money. Edward set me up with one of those E.E.C. scholarships. You know, like the form Nessie gave you for your former roommate. Except I didn't have to fill it out. I'll pay him back eventually."

"Wait. So 'E.E.C' is Edward Cullen's initials? He's the one in charge of deciding who gets the scholarships?"

"His middle name's Anthony, so it's not his initials," he says, his eyes briefly narrowing in confusion. "I think it must stand for Edward, Esme, Carlisle. I remember him telling me that the three of them set it up before the others joined their family. But yeah, E.E.C. is an organization owned by the Cullens, and it lets them contribute money anonymously to various causes. They do a lot more than just scholarships."

"So do you think they'll help Brianna? How many scholarships do they give out?"

"I don't think there's a set limit. Nessie wants Brianna back, so there's not really any question that they'll give her a scholarship if she fills out the form. Actually, even if she doesn't fill it out, they'll probably still find some way to help. Her mom might suddenly get an exceptionally good job offer, or her dad might happen across a winning lottery ticket."

"I knew they were rich, but - wow!"

Seth laughs. "Yeah, their funds seem to be pretty much unlimited. They like to help people, but they need to avoid attracting attention, so they always do it anonymously. Brianna can't know it was from them."

"Right. Don't worry, I won't tell. But back to you now – you're saying you're only enrolled here at Dartmouth because of me?"

"Yeah."

"So you put your life on hold and went back to school as a freshman just to be around me? And then you asked me to share books so we'd have more excuses to spend time together?"

"Right. And I should probably tell you that the day when Jake and Nessie were wanting some time alone and I stayed in your room – that was planned. It was Nessie's idea, but I went along with it."

"What about the day I stopped by to give you the book, and you and Jake were asleep on the floor? Was that staged too? Were you really even asleep?"

"The alone time for Jake and Nessie was the only thing that was staged; everything after that seemed to work out naturally. So yeah, I was really asleep that day. Believe me, I was surprised when Edward woke me up and I saw you standing there. I thought I was still dreaming at first. But why would you think that was staged? You're the one who came to see me."

I can feel the redness creeping into my face. "Um, I guess I thought maybe you wanted me to see how muscular you were."

This brings a burst of laughter. "No, that hadn't occurred to me. But that _was_ the day I first realized you seemed to find me attractive. And you have no idea how worried I had been about that."

"You were worried I wouldn't find you attractive?" I ask in disbelief. "Are you insane? Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

He laughs again. "I'm really glad you feel that way. But there were no guarantees."

"Seriously?" He really worried about that?

"Yeah," he says without a trace of humor.

"But why?" I ask, completely baffled as to how someone like him could have been worried about his looks.

"For one thing, I'm Native American, and you're not, and I had no idea if that might be too 'different' for you."

I shake my head. "You only look different in a good way."

"I think another reason is because the only girl whose thoughts I've ever heard is my sister," he continues. "Leah would do anything for me, but she can be a little overly critical at times. So knowing how she saw me – not just what she said but what she actually thought - didn't exactly do much to bolster my self-confidence."

"But you have super-hearing," I point out. "You must have overheard tons of girls complimenting you."

"Well, yeah, but that still didn't mean that _you_ would like how I looked," he says. Then he gets that look on his face like he does whenever he's about to confess something he hadn't planned on telling me.

"And?" I prompt.

"Well, I knew from Jake that you seemed to be attracted to vampires," he says hesitantly, "and I'm about as far from vampire as you can get. That was probably the biggest source of my worries."

I feel my face coloring again. He knows. He knows about the crush I had on Edward last year!

"What exactly did Jake say?" I ask, dreading the answer. Nessie must have said something to Jake. Or worse – Edward could have told Jake exactly what he had heard me thinking about him!

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I was trying to be completely honest, but I think I'm just talking too much. I tend to do that sometimes." He laughs. "It's actually pretty normal for humans to find vampires attractive because it's one of their natural lures for their prey. With my vision, they look very crystalline - obviously inhuman - even when they're not in direct sunlight. So it's hard for me to see the appeal, but it would actually be pretty strange if you hadn't noticed their beauty. And I knew that, but I guess it still made me wonder how I would compare."

"There's no comparison," I assure him. "It's just embarrassing that -. Well, it's just embarrassing. But you have to tell me what Jake said." I am completely mortified that he definitely knows about my former crush on Edward. But as painful as it may be, I need to know Jake's exact words. I need to know exactly how bad this is.

"He didn't really 'tell' me anything. I just overheard his thoughts while we were in wolf form. There was one time when you had been telling Nessie how good-looking your lab instructor was, and she had just figured out you were talking about Edward. That was way back before I'd even met you in person. And then a couple of weekends ago, the first weekend after we met, Jake was remembering the day Eli was at your study session."

"Eli?" I ask, so startled at this new realization that my embarrassment takes a back seat for a moment. "Eli is a vampire? I guess I should have figured that out already. He has those same eyes. But why didn't you didn't mention him before when you were naming all the vampires?"

"He's not part of the Cullen family. They met him here at Dartmouth and became friends, but he's not really around anymore, so I never thought to mention him."

"So do you know him, or just from Jake's thoughts?" I ask, wondering if Eli said anything about me to Seth or if he had just heard Jake remembering how Eli was flirting with me.

"I've sort of met him, but I've never actually talked to him. He was involved in the big fight I told you about earlier, the one where I broke my leg. Edward trusts him, and that says a lot. He fought on our side, and he risked his life to stand with the Cullens when he could have just stayed out of it. He seemed likeable enough until I saw how he treated you. It makes me angry that he was encouraging you like that."

"What do you mean, you 'saw'?"

"In Jake's thoughts. He really does produce vivid mental images. It was almost like watching it on video."

"Can this get any more embarrassing?" I ask, wishing I could just sink through the floor. Seth saw my awkward attempts at flirting with another guy? Seriously?

"Sorry. I was just trying to be completely honest again. You really don't have anything to be embarrassed about."

"I think I was just flattered that he was paying attention to me," I say. "That one day was the only time we really even talked to each other."

"You don't need to explain yourself. Really," Seth says, and I can tell from his tone that he really means it. "I'll admit I was a little jealous back when I heard Jake thinking about it, but I was just wishing I could see you look at me that way someday. And now, here we are."

"But you still don't like him." I observe. "And you said he made you angry."

"It's just that he was playing you. He'd never really be interested in a human. He was scanning your thoughts and responding according to whatever you were thinking – he was amusing himself at your expense."

"He can read minds, too?" I ask, startled. "Like Edward?"

"It works a little differently for him, but yeah, he can read minds. Bella thinks he was just trying to get your mind off your worries, but he was still playing with your emotions, and he definitely knew better than to get that close to a human when he hadn't fed in over two weeks," he says, his voice becoming progressively more agitated.

"So he was 'thirsty' that day? But how would you know when he fed? Jake was thinking about that too? Or you talked about it with the Cullens, too?" I ask. How does he have so many details just from an overheard memory?

"I could tell by how dark his eyes were. They were almost black," he says, and I realize this explains why the Cullens' eyes were lighter than normal when we visited – they must have just fed. "But I did ask Edward and Bella why they let him get so close to you. Edward assured me he was monitoring his thoughts closely the whole time, but I still don't see how they could have had that much trust in him."

"But Eli follows the Cullens' diet, doesn't he? They wouldn't be friends with him otherwise, right?" I ask, a little alarmed at how strong Seth's feelings seem to be about this. Had I really been in danger?

"He's only been feeding from animals for the last few months. You might say he's a recently-reformed serial killer. He could slip at any time. And yes, the Cullens do have friends who kill humans. Fortunately they don't visit very often."

"Eli has _killed_ people?" I ask, shocked. How do I reconcile this with the fun-loving, easy-going guy I met last quarter? He had seemed so nice!

"From what I understand, it never occurred to him that he could survive on animal blood until he met the Cullens. He does seem to have a conscience, which is more than I can say for most of their other friends. But still, he's killed hundreds, maybe thousands. He had no business testing himself by getting so close to you."

I feel sick to my stomach. I had been flirting with a murderer, waiting for him to call me, daydreaming about him when I should have been at home with my mom.

"I know, it disgusts me too," Seth says, apparently in response to my facial expression. "But at least he hasn't made any mistakes since he decided to make the diet change. I have to respect him a little for that."

"Yeah. But still, I'm glad he didn't come back this quarter. I'd be scared of him now."

"If he does come back later on, you'll be safe with me. And I really don't think he'd bother you anymore – he met someone and got married at the beginning of winter break, and he seems to have a pretty hard time keeping his eyes off of his wife."

"He got married?" I ask, laughing. "That was fast!"

"Yeah."

"Do vampires imprint like wolves do?"

"No, but they do mate for life. And when they find the right person, they seem to recognize it pretty quickly."

"So do you know where Eli really is? Nessie said he had a job opportunity in Europe that he couldn't pass up, but she never did say what it was."

"She was avoiding the details because it's a vampire job. He's working with a group that helps make sure humans don't find out about vampires."

"Oh," I say. I'd never thought about the existence of 'vampire jobs,' but I guess it makes sense that they would need a system to maintain their secrecy, since that seems to be so important to them. "And what would happen if that group finds out that I know about them?"

"They already know. Edward contacted them right after he got me enrolled at Dartmouth. It's not a problem."

"They somehow know they can trust me?"

"They trust Edward and Carlisle."

"What would happen if I did tell people the secret? Obviously, I'm not going to, but what would happen?"

"Edward would know pretty quickly because he hears the thoughts of everyone around him at school. He actually scans for that sort of thing – any signs that people are becoming suspicious of them or noticing non-human traits. So the Cullens would move away from here and start over somewhere else with new identities, and Eli's group would make sure your claims were discredited."

"Eli's group wouldn't…decide to get rid of me?"

"I don't think they would. The people enforcing their secrecy rules are mostly regular vampires, so it's not like they would have any qualms about killing a human, but a well-liked student going missing from an Ivy League school would be a high-profile disappearance, and they don't like anything high-profile. Besides, they'd have to get through two wolf packs and the Cullens before they could get to you."

I nod, resolving even more firmly that this secret will go with me to the grave. I definitely don't want to end up on some vampire hit list, and there's no way I'd put Seth in danger of having to fight vampires again!

My embarrassment returns as I remember what started this twist in our conversation. Seth knows about the crush I had on Eli! But maybe what Seth saw in Jake's memories wasn't too bad. I was mostly just smiling and giggling a lot that day, and I didn't object when Eli kept scooting closer to me.

And with Edward, Seth knows that Nessie told Jake I thought he was good-looking. That's not such a big deal, even though it's still embarrassing. It would be a lot worse if Edward had told Seth the things I was imagining during lab. I have a moment of sudden panic - what if he did? Seth hasn't actually said that Edward didn't tell him anything. Is he just leaving that out so as not to embarrass me more? As mortifying as the answer may be, I have to know. I look up at Seth and open my mouth to ask but then change my mind. It's just too embarrassing!

"What?" Seth asks.

"Nothing."

"I could tell you were about to say something. Was there something else about Eli?"

I shake my head. "No, it was something else. It wasn't important."

"But now I'm dying to know what it was," he says with a laugh.

"It's too embarrassing."

"Chloe, you can ask me anything," he says, and I can't resist the way his eyes are pleading with me to trust him with my stupid question.

I can feel my face turning red again before I even get a word out. "Did Edward, um, say anything about what he heard in my thoughts during lab?"

"Nothing specific," he says, and he looks surprised enough by the question that I'm reassured Edward either didn't notice or kept quiet about it. "I'll admit I did ask him," Seth continues, "but he wouldn't go into any detail. And I didn't really expect him to, because he's always so careful about trying to give people as much privacy as he can. He did say that your thoughts were kind of loud and vivid, like Jake's."

I bury my head in my hands in an effort to keep Seth from seeing me turn an even brighter shade of red. So much for the theory that Edward didn't notice my fantasies during lab! How much worse could this possibly be?

"Chloe, it doesn't matter," Seth assures me. "Edward hears that stuff all the time. And he said that when he tried to tune you out by focusing on someone else, the other girls' thoughts were a lot more disturbing than yours. So you definitely weren't the only one noticing how unusually attractive he was. And the few guys who were in that lab were having what he called 'inappropriate thoughts' about their girlfriends or classmates. I'm sure whatever you were thinking was no big deal."

I'm still hiding my face, too embarrassed to even look at him.

"Chloe, I'm sorry. I think I said way too much. I didn't realize you'd be this embarrassed," he says, rubbing my back comfortingly. "Are you worried about what I think, or about what Edward thinks?"

"Both," I mumble from beneath my hands.

"I promise I don't care," Seth insists. "I don't care what you thought about Edward or Eli. You had no idea anyone was overhearing your thoughts, and it was before you even met me. Besides, I _know_ I'm better-looking than them."

I laugh, but I'm still not ready to face him yet.

"Can you please look at me?" he asks gently, still rubbing my back.

"Why?"

"I miss seeing your eyes."

I look up, a smile on my face. "How am I supposed to resist a line like that?" I ask.

"It's not a line," he says. "I love your eyes. They're so expressive, and I like being able to see them. Anyway, you don't need to worry about Edward. He's been hearing those kinds of thoughts about himself in high school and college classes for nearly a hundred years, and if yours were the least disturbing in the class, they really couldn't have been that bad."

"It's still embarrassing," I tell him. "I was just bored in lab, and biology has never been my favorite subject. I said things out loud, too, and I asked stupid questions. I knew I was annoying him, but I had no idea he could hear what I was thinking! And I didn't know he was Nessie's brother at first, either." I almost tell him about Brianna's list of dares, but that really _is_ too embarrassing.

"Why do you think you annoyed him? Did he really seem annoyed?" Seth asks, seeming genuinely confused.

"He asked me to call him 'Mr. Cullen,' and he never bothered to correct anybody else who was using his first name," I admit. "I thought that was a pretty big sign."

"Okay, so maybe you annoyed him a little," he admits. "So what? You annoyed a vampire. No big deal." He grins at me, and suddenly I start laughing.

"I don't know how you always do that," I tell him.

"Do what?"

"Make me feel better."

"I love being able to make you feel better," he says, pulling me to him.

"Do you think Edward still finds me annoying?" I ask as he starts rubbing my back again. "Be honest."

"No, I really don't. That's why I was so surprised when you said that. Edward and Bella both seemed really happy for me when I told them I'd imprinted on you. He's never said anything that would make me think he doesn't like you. I'm sure that whatever thoughts you had that are so embarrassing to you now were the kind of thing he's heard so many times that he doesn't give it a second thought. And your thoughts are hopefully about me now, so he doesn't have to worry about that anymore anyway."

"My thoughts are most definitely about you now," I assure him, playing with his hair as I continue resting my head against his shoulder. This is my favorite place to be – in Seth's arms.

He gives me a gentle squeeze, pulling me even closer against his chest, and with that movement the cold dampness of my sleeve reminds me of what we were talking about before.

"Earlier, you said something about how I had helped you cope with losing Quil, but I'm still not sure exactly what you meant. Imprinting has something to do with that?"

"Yeah; well, that's my theory," he says. "Quil died four days before I met you, and those were possibly the four worst days of my life. It wasn't the same as losing my dad, of course, but it hurt in a different way. Quil was more than a friend – he was a pack member, and due to the mind-sharing thing, I was even closer to him in some ways than I was to my family. Our whole pack was grieving his loss, of course, but everyone else seemed to be handling it better than I was. They had all imprinted already, and I think it's pretty obvious now that that's why they weren't struggling as much as I was."

"Because they had someone to comfort them?"

"Well, it's a lot more than that. When I met you, it was like my life suddenly made sense again. Remember how you were saying that your house used to be 'home' for you, but without your mom there, it kind of feels like you're floating out there, unconnected to anything? Before I met you, my strongest tie was to my pack. And the pack is still important to me, but it's not home anymore. You are. So even though I'll always miss Quil, and I'll probably always feel guilty for not being able to save him, that's not my focus anymore. You've made it possible for me to be happy again. So you didn't do anything in particular. It's just that when I imprinted on you, everything changed. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I think so," I tell him. Without doing anything specific, by simply being here, I've provided a distraction from his grief and helped him to start moving on. And I guess in a way, he's done the same for me. I'll never "get over" losing my mom, but Seth's mere presence helps me cope, and he always seems to know the right thing to say. Like right now – even though there's a pause in our conversation, just being in his arms makes me feel so comfortable, like everything's right with the world even though it really isn't.

"You still haven't said much about how you feel about the whole imprinting thing," he says after a few moments. "I know I've given you a lot to think about, and you're probably still sorting through it, but do you think you're going to be okay with it?"

I nod, knowing he'll feel the movement against his shoulder.

"I've been so afraid you might be upset I kept it from you, or that you would find it too weird or think I'm too needy or something," he says, a hint of nervousness creeping into his voice.

"Too needy?" I ask, pulling back so that I can see his face. This has never occurred to me. He's always the one making me feel better!

"Yeah," he says, sounding really nervous again. "You know, the part where I'm supernaturally bound to you. There will never be anyone else for me, whether you continue to return my interest or not. You aren't just my first girlfriend, Chloe. You're the only one I'll ever want to be with. And that isn't just a bunch of romantic words – it's the way imprinting works. It's literally impossible for me to be happy without you; I will always need you. And I know that for a normal relationship, this would be way too early to be admitting these types of feelings. The last thing I want to do is scare you off by getting too serious too fast, but I felt like you should know about the whole imprinting thing because, well, I just didn't want to keep hiding it from you."

"I'm still trying to process it all," I admit. "But you're not scaring me off." I turn his words around in my head - I'm not just his first girlfriend; due to this imprinting thing, I'm the only girl he can ever be interested in. That makes me feel incredibly special, but at the same time, the kind of responsibility it gives me is sort of scary.

He relaxes slightly at my reassurance, but when he speaks again, I can still hear tension in his voice. "I'm still waiting for you to freak out. We've only known each other for three weeks, so I know it has to seem pretty strange for me to be telling you that you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"It almost sounds like you're proposing," I say with a nervous chuckle.

"Right now, I just want to be your boyfriend," he assures me. "I want us to take things slowly and enjoy your college days together. But I want to be honest with you about how important you are to me. And I need you to be honest about what you're thinking right now. You seem a lot calmer about this than I thought you might be, but it still seems like there's something bothering you or maybe a question you're afraid to ask."

There is a pause while I consider what to say. I still feel so confused by this whole imprinting thing. I definitely want to stay with Seth, but it sounds like he's already thinking about marriage – something that's never even been on my radar. He's definitely a lot more serious about our relationship than I realized. I like it – I like it a lot - but it also scares me to suddenly be thinking so far into the future. And the part about him not having a choice about who he imprinted on has been nagging at the back of my mind. Would we have ever become a couple if not for the fact that he randomly imprinted on me? I would definitely have still been interested in him, but would he have been interested in me?

"Chloe?" he prompts softly. "Please? Talk to me." He takes my hand and holds it in his as he waits for an answer.

"Sorry, I guess I'm still trying to figure out how to put my thoughts into words," I say, looking at our joined hands. "You don't need to be so worried, though. It's just that when you said you want to spend the rest of your life with me…when you said it's a lifelong bond…well, I guess I've just never thought that far ahead. I don't have my whole life planned out. It just caught me off guard. But it doesn't sound like a bad thing. It actually sounds rather appealing. But it's just something I wasn't expecting to hear yet, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this." I feel like I'm babbling, but he did ask what I was thinking, and my thoughts aren't exactly organized.

He moves one hand to gently tilt my chin so that he can look me in the eye. "I don't want to you to feel pressured," he says firmly. "And I'm not asking you to make any kind of commitment right now. I'm just letting you know where you stand with me. All that I'm asking is that you give me a chance, and I hope that you'll never completely shut me out of your life. We can always go back to being friends if you decide that's what you want – I'm very capable of that."

"That is most definitely _not_ what I want," I assure him. "I just meant that I'm still a little in shock about all the things you've just told me - about what imprinting means. I didn't mean to imply that I have any doubts about our relationship. I don't."

"Do you think it might have been better if I'd waited a while longer before telling you all of this?" he asks tentatively. "Would it have been easier if I'd waited a few months? Or would you have been upset that I was hiding something so important for so long?"

"I'm glad you told me," I say, not even needing to think about it. "I _have_ had the feeling that you were still keeping something important from me. And I trusted that you would tell me eventually, and that you had a good reason for waiting, but it was still bothering me. There were times I felt like everyone but me was in on the secret - like when Nessie or Alice said certain things I didn't understand and you kept telling me you would explain later. So I think you were right to tell me now."

"You're sure?" he asks.

"Yes," I assure him. "I meant it when I told you I want to know everything."

Most of the tension slowly leaves his face as we look into each other's eyes for a long moment. It feels like he's looking deep into my soul.

"There's still something else bothering you, though, isn't there?" he finally asks. "Tell me." He waits patiently, still searching my eyes as if he might find the answer there.

"It's the part where you said you didn't have a choice about who you imprinted on," I finally admit, looking down. "I don't understand how you could _not_ have a choice – how that could be magically taken away from you. But I'd been wondering for a long time how I'd gotten so lucky as to have you show up in my life right when I needed you the most. And I couldn't figure out why you were interested in me, even as a friend. At least that makes more sense now."

Seth's brows pull together; it is obvious that he doesn't like the last part of what I just said.

"Think of it this way," he says. "If it hadn't been for the imprint process, I might have just seen you briefly that one night and gone back home without ever getting to know you. I'm sure I would have noticed how pretty you were and would have felt sad for your loss, but I would have gone back to my veterinary practice in Port Angeles and might have never seen you again. But because of the imprinting, I knew you were the one. I stayed around and enrolled at Dartmouth so we could spend time together and get to know each other. I've had the best three weeks of my life because you're my perfect match. I can't imagine anyone else making me this happy. And I'm pretty sure that if the whole wolf thing had never happened to me, and we'd met under some other circumstances and gotten to know each other, I'd still have fallen for you. I've noticed with my friends who've imprinted that imprinting didn't change who they were or what they liked. It just created a bond with the person they were meant to be with. Sometimes, like with Jake and Nessie, it was with someone they would never in their wildest dreams have considered as a potential love interest, but it's always worked out that the two people were perfect for each other. So the way I look at it, imprinting just made it abundantly obvious when I'd found the right person. I do choose you, Chloe. Don't _ever_ doubt that."

I nod, tears beginning to form in my eyes once more as I hear the fervor of emotion in his voice. Whether triggered by imprinting or something more natural, I can't doubt that his feelings for me are genuine.

"So are we okay?" he asks, wiping a tear with his finger before it can trickle down my cheek. "No pressure. I'm still just your boyfriend, for as long as you want me." He looks so vulnerable, and I can see in his eyes how terrified he is that I might reject him – if not now, perhaps at some point later on. I'd always thought that I was much more dependent on him than he was on me, so it's quite an adjustment to realize that he really does need me in a way that goes beyond normal human emotion. I want nothing more than to wipe that worry off of his face. How can he not know that he's already won my heart?

I nod. "Yeah, of course we're okay," I say, enveloping him in a hug. "I told you, you don't need to be so worried. Really. I'm still absorbing all of this, but I'm not going anywhere. Besides, you just said that imprinting means that we're perfect for each other, so what can go wrong, right?"

I can feel his face lift into a smile against my cheek. "None of us really understands everything about how imprinting works or why it happens," he says. "So far, with my friends, I've never known it to go wrong – the imprintee has never rejected the one who imprinted. But there's nothing that says it can't happen. You're not bound by any of the wolf stuff, so you always have the choice."

"Seth, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. You have nothing to worry about. I choose you too."

"It feels so good to be rid of the secrets and be able to be completely honest with you," he says, pulling me even closer. "I've been holding back so much ever since I met you. I love you, Chloe, with every fiber of my being, more than I know how to put into words, and I always will."

"Seth, I love you too," I tell him with more conviction than I've ever felt about anything in my entire life. I can't believe I haven't told him sooner. "I may not have been struck with supernatural 'love at first sight,' but I've been falling in love with you since the first time you held me. And the better I get to know you, the more amazing you are."

"You're the amazing one," he insists, peppering my face with soft, sweet kisses. One finally lands near my mouth, and I turn slightly to capture his lips with mine. It _does_ feel good to have all of the secrets gone, to know that there's nothing else he's keeping from me or waiting to tell me, and I can feel the difference in his kiss. He _was_ holding back before.

We finally break apart, both of us out of breath, and he's grinning from ear to ear. I absolutely love being able to put that smile on his face. He readjusts the pillows against the wall, and we both lean back, still cuddled together.

I spy the laptop still sitting on the bed near my feet and groan as I remember the paper for our management class which is due tomorrow.

"Don't worry about it," Seth says, following my line of vision. "You've already done more than your fair share with all the research you did before I came over, and we've already analyzed most of the leadership styles together. I'll finish it up later tonight."

I open my mouth to object, but the look on his face stops me.

"Please?" he says. "I just want to sit here with my girlfriend, maybe kiss her a few more times, and think about how lucky I am to have found her. Is that too much to ask?"

I shake my head, a smile playing on my lips as I settle back against him and feel his arm slip around me where it belongs. He begins to hum, and I recognize the tune as a simpler version of the happy, carefree song Edward had been composing that time I caught him playing the piano. Relaxing in Seth's arms, inhaling his irresistible scent, and listening to the sound of the man I love humming with such contentedness – it just doesn't get any better than this.

 _~ The End ~_

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 **A/N: Thanks to all of my readers who have followed this story to its conclusion! I do plan to write an epilogue but it may be a few weeks (or more) before it is finished. I have several ideas I'm trying to weave together. If you have any suggestions of things from the story you'd like to see more fully addressed, please let me know and they may show up in the epilogue if I can fit them in. I'd also love to hear your thoughts on this chapter, or the story as a whole if you haven't reviewed yet.  
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 **Thanks also to my beta, Kelsismom, who fixed my mistakes and provided much valuable input. I did some more editing and inserted some chapters since then, so if you found any errors they are my own.**

 **And thanks to Jessica314 who has sent tons of readers my way. I'm still making my way through her many wonderful stories. I would tell you to go read them, but if you're here, you probably already have. :)  
**

 **One non-Twilight recommendation I would like to make: If you liked the Divergent series but didn't care for the ending, I highly recommend "Determinant" by Windchimed. It is a replacement for the third book, and it is extremely well-written, has excellent character development, and has an original plot which is much more along the lines of what I had hoped Insurgent would be.**

 **Also, one non-Twilight request: Can anyone recommend a good Hunger Games fanfic which supplements or replaces the third book, focuses more on the relationships, and shows a slow progression of Katniss/Peeta developing an emotional closeness? Or maybe an AU version of the second book where Katniss/Peeta spend time getting to know one another better after they return to District 12?**


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